I am extremely thankful for the relationship I am in. I have learnt a great deal about myself over the last weeks (and years with her) and my faith continues to grow. When we are asked to step outside of our comfort zones with God, the challenge is always to not allow the 'legs to wobble' underneath us and to remain firm in our faith. I thank God continually for what the difficult times teach me, however frustrating and seemingly hopeless at times they may feel. I am reminded of Christ telling us that if someone, "…forces us to go one mile, go with him two miles." (Matt 5:41). And so, we may be forced into situations which are not to our liking, but we persevere with the knowledge that He is right there with us! And so I would like to share with you what has been impressed on my mind for anyone out there who may likewise find themselves in my position:
When I think of the stories of King David and King Saul’s son Jonathan, along with the story of John the Beloved reclining on the breast of Jesus, I am directed in thought towards how emotionally detached we are taught to be in todays world. The Worlds Funniest Home Videos encourage us to laugh at people who are caught in incidences where serious physical harm can occur. We watch movie after movie and engage in video games where to kill people or seriously harm them causes us to shut ourselves off from the reality of how ugly these acts are on other people and the spiritually and emotionally devoid position one must place themselves in to engage in this type of behaviour. We love murder-mystery stories where they hit the top ten seller lists over and over again. And then, we are assaulted in the media with such visceral emotive images of war where we are compelled to take a ‘moral’ position, whatever that my be. And yet, those who are posting these images do not stop to consider the absolute denigration and indifference to the dignity of human life they are demonstrating through the thoughtless acts of foisting these images on us!
When I reflect upon the beautiful stories of Ruth and Naomi, King David and Jonathan, John the Beloved and our Lord Jesus, I am reminded of how beautiful the shared love between people can be. No, I am not convinced that these stories are there to show us that homosexual love existed in the Bible. It is more important to me to consider how deeply we can love one another without the complexity of sexual connotations. In a world where we are being conditioned to be so very emotionally detached, these stories show us how to love from a more pure, deeply emotionally attached life perspective. Men are especially so very afraid to reach out and ‘hug’ that brother for fear of the sexual implications placed on this behaviour. God forbid that men should be ‘affectionate’ towards each other and express their love for that dear friend!
In this world where all has become so very overly sexualised, what I see on tv today I would have had to go to an adult cinema to watch when in my early twenties, this mindset lends itself to the misconstruing of sincere platonic love between men and between women. In this demise of human affection, I grieve for our culture and its members who are left without being able to give and receive the beauty of loving emotions towards each other! And so I argue for the beauty and simplicity of the right to show deep emotional love for the same sex without it being made into something which homophobics shudder in disdain! Denying this ability and right to not only own but partake in this love, is a very real part of the moral downfall of the Western Worlds ability to be emotionally attached to their environment and to others in a meaningful way. The opposite is more often true, where the mind is laced with confused states of being and the psychic outcome is more oft than not, compelled towards the acting out of indifference and rage/hate. The ego is overly inflated and wonders, “Why me?…the injustice of it all!” Here, no positive resolutions can ever be had and the ability to ‘go that extra mile’ seems painfully wrong to be foisted upon the self-indulgent ego.
Today I spent time outside enjoying the sound of the birds, taking notice of the signs of springtime and am thankful for the fact that I have been enriched in so many ways through this relationship. I will travel the mile and many more that I have been asked to, for I WILL NOT GIVE UP THE GOOD FIGHT TO THE GLORY OF OUR LORD! It has been a bitter-sweet resolve, however I choose to not be bitter and let the sweet be held in the hands of our Lord for safe keeping. I would rather have a dear friend, than to lose one! I hope we remain living together and enjoying each others company as we travel this extraordinarily difficult road which seemed only yesterday, to be one of many difficult miles ahead… 🙂
Thanks everyone for your support and prayers! I know that they are being heard by not only me, but most importantly our Lord! xx