Christian gay couple where one partner begins to feel that it is a sin to be in the relationship

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Joined in 2014
August 26, 2014, 08:52


I have been in a loving Christian relationship for over 15 years. My partner has been listening to DVD's from a minister in the USA. She has recently come to the conclusion that our relationship is a sin and would like us to now be just 'good loving friends'. She is adamant that this man is her 'pastor-teacher' and knows the Word of God and that he is therefore right and my opinions are wrong. It is not my place to judge her. She is on her own quest for a living, honest relationship with God and does not want to do what could possibly be wrong in that for centuries and within the early church homosexuality has been deemed to be wrong. I realize that this happens. I would just like to reach out to others to let them know they are not alone. My 'friend' would like us to live together still, but everything else has to change! We have raised beautiful kids where one goes to a branch of Hillsong, the other has a quiet faith and the son has married a Christian woman. Keeping this to myself has been extremely difficult. Simply reaching out for a few prayers from those who understand. It just seems so very strange that two people who read the Bible, love the Lord and have shared a journey together for so many years can be put under this sort of spiritual trial that is having such a negative impact on our relationship! I struggle with the concept that this change can ultimately bring forth blessings to this family and to those who know us?! When I consider what it is to live for Christ, I think about the effects my actions might have on others. When I consider what God expects from us as Christians, I cannot bypass the fact that He would not ask us to enter into a behaviour that could cause harm. I believe it is more harmful to condemn homosexuality than to actually be homosexual. The consequences for Christians who condemn homosexuality is to put many off from ever wanting to know Christ or to turn them away from Him. To be a Christian homosexual is to embrace Jesus as Lord and not old dogma, which hopefully would lead no one away from considering Christ in their lives.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
August 26, 2014, 22:31

Hi nelstone

My heart goes out to you and I am sorry this is happening.

Is your partner open to other information or only to her current teachings by this pastor?

Have a read of Chely Wright's story in the link below. Her father was a Christian who had been taught that homosexuality was wrong but then he came to realise that the truth of who his daughter was – a good, loving person – was more powerful and more true than what he knew in the bible on the subject of homosexuality.–t1608/

I pray that your partner comes to see that the truth and love of your relationship is stronger than some doctrine. It's the fruit of your lives and relationship that is important and no doctrine can take that away.

Stay in touch.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2014
August 27, 2014, 22:23

Thanks Anne Maree, for your thoughtful words.

It is strange how through the simple act of writing these feelings out I have a bit more of a resolve to persevere and a quieter inner peace. Websites such as this are a very real blessing and I thank the Lord that through places like freedom2b we can find ways to support each other and share God's love and hope! The articles were inspiring!

Joined in 2008
August 27, 2014, 22:34

Hi Nelstone,

I want to extend a warm welcome to you on our forums and our freedom2b community. I can only imagine how difficult this situation is for you. To spend many years in a relationship and then have it changed, without your own doing, would be hard to come to terms with. I am sorry for the hurt you have and are experiencing and we will do what we can to support you. For those in our community who pray, I have confidence they will 🙂

If you have any questions or requests you would rather not put in a public forum please feel free to private message me.

Warm regards


Sophia Chokhmah
Joined in 2011
August 28, 2014, 16:32

Praying 🙂

Joined in 2014
August 29, 2014, 17:39

I am extremely thankful for the relationship I am in. I have learnt a great deal about myself over the last weeks (and years with her) and my faith continues to grow. When we are asked to step outside of our comfort zones with God, the challenge is always to not allow the 'legs to wobble' underneath us and to remain firm in our faith. I thank God continually for what the difficult times teach me, however frustrating and seemingly hopeless at times they may feel. I am reminded of Christ telling us that if someone, "…forces us to go one mile, go with him two miles." (Matt 5:41). And so, we may be forced into situations which are not to our liking, but we persevere with the knowledge that He is right there with us! And so I would like to share with you what has been impressed on my mind for anyone out there who may likewise find themselves in my position:

When I think of the stories of King David and King Saul’s son Jonathan, along with the story of John the Beloved reclining on the breast of Jesus, I am directed in thought towards how emotionally detached we are taught to be in todays world. The Worlds Funniest Home Videos encourage us to laugh at people who are caught in incidences where serious physical harm can occur. We watch movie after movie and engage in video games where to kill people or seriously harm them causes us to shut ourselves off from the reality of how ugly these acts are on other people and the spiritually and emotionally devoid position one must place themselves in to engage in this type of behaviour. We love murder-mystery stories where they hit the top ten seller lists over and over again. And then, we are assaulted in the media with such visceral emotive images of war where we are compelled to take a ‘moral’ position, whatever that my be. And yet, those who are posting these images do not stop to consider the absolute denigration and indifference to the dignity of human life they are demonstrating through the thoughtless acts of foisting these images on us!

When I reflect upon the beautiful stories of Ruth and Naomi, King David and Jonathan, John the Beloved and our Lord Jesus, I am reminded of how beautiful the shared love between people can be. No, I am not convinced that these stories are there to show us that homosexual love existed in the Bible. It is more important to me to consider how deeply we can love one another without the complexity of sexual connotations. In a world where we are being conditioned to be so very emotionally detached, these stories show us how to love from a more pure, deeply emotionally attached life perspective. Men are especially so very afraid to reach out and ‘hug’ that brother for fear of the sexual implications placed on this behaviour. God forbid that men should be ‘affectionate’ towards each other and express their love for that dear friend!

In this world where all has become so very overly sexualised, what I see on tv today I would have had to go to an adult cinema to watch when in my early twenties, this mindset lends itself to the misconstruing of sincere platonic love between men and between women. In this demise of human affection, I grieve for our culture and its members who are left without being able to give and receive the beauty of loving emotions towards each other! And so I argue for the beauty and simplicity of the right to show deep emotional love for the same sex without it being made into something which homophobics shudder in disdain! Denying this ability and right to not only own but partake in this love, is a very real part of the moral downfall of the Western Worlds ability to be emotionally attached to their environment and to others in a meaningful way. The opposite is more often true, where the mind is laced with confused states of being and the psychic outcome is more oft than not, compelled towards the acting out of indifference and rage/hate. The ego is overly inflated and wonders, “Why me?…the injustice of it all!” Here, no positive resolutions can ever be had and the ability to ‘go that extra mile’ seems painfully wrong to be foisted upon the self-indulgent ego.

Today I spent time outside enjoying the sound of the birds, taking notice of the signs of springtime and am thankful for the fact that I have been enriched in so many ways through this relationship. I will travel the mile and many more that I have been asked to, for I WILL NOT GIVE UP THE GOOD FIGHT TO THE GLORY OF OUR LORD! It has been a bitter-sweet resolve, however I choose to not be bitter and let the sweet be held in the hands of our Lord for safe keeping. I would rather have a dear friend, than to lose one! I hope we remain living together and enjoying each others company as we travel this extraordinarily difficult road which seemed only yesterday, to be one of many difficult miles ahead… 🙂

Thanks everyone for your support and prayers! I know that they are being heard by not only me, but most importantly our Lord! xx

Joined in 2011
September 4, 2014, 18:10

Your faith, your love, your maturity all inspire me. You are in a very difficult situation but have chosen to cling to love and faith and hope rather than give in to anger, bitterness and despair. May God continue to comfort and guide you.


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