coming out to christian friends

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Joined in 2015
June 8, 2015, 10:19


I live in new zealand, I came out to two close friends early this year, they are christians and their response have been very supportive, I told them my full story through email from the day I realized that I was gay, my pain, my very long struggle of not being able to accept who I was. Both of them felt sympathetic after they read my story.

I left my old church early this march after attending a charismatic church in the last 5 years, and I now attend a gay affirming church. But things have gotten complicated because I developed a close friendship with 3 friends in my old church and I can't easily just cut off the friendship because I still see them occasionally. None of them knows that I attend a gay affirming church now because I didn't disclose to anyone when I left the church. Some people from the church asked me why I left, I just told them that I had personal reasons and I don't feel comfortable to share with.

I feel compelled to be honest to my 3 close friends from the old church to disclose the reason behind why I left the church, but I'm afraid that they will start lecturing me instead of giving me support and acceptance. Especially, since my old church is a charismatic church, most charismatic churches are very conservative about lgbt issue. I remember my ex- pastor preaching that new zealand has become a very unchristian nation by legalizing gay marriage from once being a very christian nation. It wasn't strange for me to hear anti gay comments in a charismatic church.

Then, one of my three close friends in the church messaged me on my birthday this april. She sent me a birth wish and also encouraged me to find a girl because she felt it was time for me to find a girlfriend, then I told her that it's not going to happen. She asked me why, and I texted her back by saying that there were things that I was afraid, she would not understand. She called me on my mobile and she said she would understand whatever it was and she assured me that I could tell her anytime when I felt ready.

I'm worried that she might not think what she thinks I've been keeping from her. She once shared to me that she had a friend who came out to her as a lesbian but it didn't bother her because her friend wasn't a christian. I consider her as a conservative christian because she is one of the leaders in my old church. Does anyone have any advise?



Joined in 2015
July 9, 2015, 11:40

Ricky, I wouldn't make assumptions about what other christian friends may think about you coming out. It is not their place to pass judgement on you, that is up to God only. They may have opinions, but that's all they are, nothing more, nothing less.

Our duty as christians is to be loved and accepted by our father in heaven, the holy spirit & Jesus Christ, not to constantly seek the approval and thus acceptance of other christians who are only human anyway and hence prone to mistakes.

Another avenue of support for you coming out is to look very carefully at how the bible describes the meaning of Love. The book of Corinthians is a good start. I believe Jesus Christ preached this theme of love most strongly in the new testaments book of Matthew. Not once in the entire new testament part of the bible does Jesus condemn same sex attraction. To him, the most important aspect of being truly christian is to give & receive unconditional love.

If ANY christian wants to challenge this, well there are plenty of excerpts from the new testament to support this fact and I'm not going to pick and choose selected parts. There are plenty of tools for finding such texts.

I could go on more about why some parts of the old testament condemn same sex attraction, but always remember that the way to heaven and thus God's approval is through Jesus Christ and his wisdom.

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