David Gay Christian 22, My road to freedom

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Joined in 2009
January 11, 2010, 23:39

Hi! My name is David I’m 22 from Sydney I have never really shared my story this openly nor have I ever taken the time to type my story out so if this seems amateur I’m sorry!

My road to freedom.. Firstly I just want to tell you a little about my child hood. I grew up in a dysfunctional family as the oldest child I saw more than my far share of abuse, I always knew I was gay and felt different and left out of the picture. I had a friend in 6 class and used to spend loads of time at his house he had a older brother that I grew close to and I was sexually abused and raped by this guy I was 13 at the time.this was when i first found Christ but I wasn’t saved I felt very confused about what had happened to me.

I spent the next two years going through a family breakup and trying to manage high school at the same time. I found comfort in a friend from school who was also gay but not out we had a very sexual active relationship up until 16yrs old when I found Christ. I was saved back in 2005 in a Pentecostal church youth group. The day I invited Jesus into my life was the best day of my life but I had my same sex attraction in the back of my mind which made things a bit harder for me. I stayed with my home church for the next three years and in that time I had committed myself to any kind of church service I could take on, I had this idea that if I served in the church I would be healed of my same sex attraction I was the involved in service coordinator wanted to be in the leadership of the church working closely with the pastors and leader of the church when everything came to a head on my 18th birthday,

I had made a gay friend through work and ended up going out in Sydney to a gay club and realized that I couldn’t hide my sexuality to anyone anymore. I told my mentor about my sexuality and he told me it was wrong and not of god and I should stand strong and work through it, I started to feel as though I couldn’t be gay and a Christian and started to fall away from the church some people reached out to me and I told them I was gay and it was who I was but I still wanted to be passionate about god. They told me that I was going to burn in hell for what I was doing after that I decided I would turn my back on god and walk away.

I also came out to my family and luckily they all loved and accepted me as I was. I started to drink and do drugs heavily I got to a point where I couldn’t go on with life anymore cause the pain of my childhood and being rejected from church was too much I started to self harm cutting myself on a regular basis my drug use went from bad to worse I lost everything I had ever worked for I tried to commit suicide I was lucky to have a friend to stop me at that time. I ran and moved around for 12 months working seasonal and partying 7 nights a week. It got to a point when I was 20 years old I hit rock bottom. I had a breakdown as the pain and memory of my sexual abuse and rape came back I had blocked it out of my mind for so long I started on anti depressants and anxiety medication and got loads of support from my family I told them about the sexual abuse and rape and they helped me through it.

I started to travel again after 6 months getting my life stable and drug free. God never gave up on me he started to touch me through people no matter where I travelled to. I would always have this feeling god was seeking me I had complete strangers come up to me and tell me that god had a bigger plan and a purpose for me and that I was loved and it was all that mattered. So I found myself and accepted who I was. I worked through issues I had with the church and decided to attend my home church again. I didn’t get involved serving I just attended church and concentrated on my relationship with god I still had this belief that I was sinning being a gay man I contacted my pastor and had some pastoral counselling, we prayed against my homosexuality and the sexual abuse I was told that I would most probably find my heterosexual true self after I was healed of the sexual abuse etc. After the counseling I found I was still gay and still loved by god but also healed of the abuse I found a new peace within myself.

I left my home church as I felt they still didn’t accept me, I currently don’t attend church because I have recently moved back to Sydney and am still looking for a church where i will be accepted. I have now been off the antidepressants and anxiety medication for 12 months and i am living as a gay Christian man. I found my Freedom

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
January 11, 2010, 23:53

Hi David

Welcome! What a journey you’ve had. Congrats on finding your freedom too.

It’s heart breaking when Christians tell people in our community that they’ll burn in hell for being gay. Sometimes they do it with well meaning intentions and don’t realise the damage caused. It’s lovely that you noticed God reaching out to you, seeking you out wherever you went and wonderful that you received some healing for the abuse.

All the best as you continue moving forward. I hope we hear more from you.


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
January 12, 2010, 00:31

Hey David….so good that you have found us and thanks for sharing us some of the personal details of your journey. Sounds like you are doing well.

When same sex orientated people experience sexual abuse……it can really hinder their self acceptance…..and complicate the process because their natural orientation has additional negative attachments to it…..add to this an already negative belief that being gay is against God’s will and you’ve got quite a maze to sort through. Its the layers principle you can read about in Ann Marees story.

Regarding sexual abuse….and sexual orientation…..this is where ex-gay type ministries get mixed up……healing of the abuse and acceptance of the orientation are separate issues….but they lump then in together.

I’ll send you an excellent article on abuse that you might find useful.

hope to hear more from you

Joined in 2009
January 12, 2010, 02:38

Hi David, thanks very much for sharing your story. You don’t sound amateur at all to me, you sound authentic. You’ve had to go through a lot and you’ve gotten through that – and I respect that heaps.

Re the burn in hell bit – what is sad is how some people in churches can honestly feel and believe they are speaking for God when they are speaking with the voices of men – well meaning ones, certainly, but they don’t have the right to judge on behalf of God.

Good luck and, from one newbie to another, welcome 🙂 And enjoy your freedom – it’s something we’re all in the process of finding here, I think, in our own ways.

Joined in 2008
January 12, 2010, 08:42

Hi David

Welcome & thanks for sharing your story!

Joined in 2008
January 12, 2010, 19:27

Hello David, it’s great to have you on here. I saw that we had a new story on here and when I saw you were 22 I just had to read it. 22 is my favorite number. Yes, it’s a dorky reason to read something (and I do read most everything on here anyway) but it made me happy. 🙂 Yay!

Anyway, just wanted to say that I’m very heartened by how far you have come. I pray that you will be able to find more peace and resolution in your life. I also pray that one day you will find a church were you feel safe and accepted. Keep us updated on here, I’m sure we would all love to know how you are doing.

Joined in 2008
January 12, 2010, 21:14

Hi David,

Welcome to Freedom2b[e]. Your story really touched me where you say you felt you couldn’t be gay and a christian at the same time. You feel as though sometimes you have to make a choice between one or the other and you sense the seeming conflict between the two value systems. The best part is we don’t have to make a choice! We can be both gay and christian which is supported by the bible 🙂

Hope to hear more of your journey here on the forum.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
January 12, 2010, 22:56

Hello David, it’s great to have you on here. I saw that we had a new story on here and when I saw you were 22 I just had to read it. 22 is my favorite number..

I think that needs more explanation gettingthere…..22?

Joined in 2009
January 12, 2010, 23:21

Thanks so much for your replies to my story. its been a hard road and i am so glad i have found freedom2b let just hope i can find a church soon.

i have read some peaples storys on here and it breaks my heart that church peaple can be so cruel but i do see a change in churches happening slowly..

gettinthere i am interested in 22 thing as well

regard dave

Joined in 2007
January 14, 2010, 16:02

Hi David,

Welcome to the forums, and thanks for sharing your story with us.

I’m always inspired to read the stories of people following the road to realizing that God is with us in our search for meaning and understanding.

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