Feeling disconnected

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Joined in 2007
April 4, 2011, 17:50

The God mess.

Feeling lost in a trapped christian world. Has now created my mess into serious anixiety. I some times think it is really hard, to totally come out, as being completly Gay. But some how, I still trail, the journey, in sort of my own ‘Bi-Sexual way.

I think it is safe to do so. But I feel a sense of spiritual broken mess. I have to say, I really don’t like feeling this way. As when I feel, as if I am around the Gay scene alone. I feel inflamed with so much anixiety. Feeling this way, makes me feel displaced in general society. I try to live some sort of steady productive life. Yet I feel consumed, of lack of some stability direction. I think when you are ‘Gay, sometimes’ you just want to ‘cover up. For me, I feel like I am living in cycle of disconnection lines. I want to break free, from the sad anixiety, but it feels if I can’t. I think life is what, you make of it. As if you tread on a light ground, of broken up egg shells. I really think, I am living in the ‘God mess. A God mess is when someone, feels trapped within one error. So I want to understand, that life, is about your own beauty of true creation. Live in a ‘Art dream of some sort of new light.

Thankyou again.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
April 4, 2011, 18:51

Hi Matt

A big welcome to you! 🙂 I hope you find, as many of us have, that this is a safe space to be in and one that will diminish your sense of disconnect.

How did you hear about us?

Do you have someone you can trust to talk with?

I’m sure there will be lots of people who can relate to the brokenness and disconnectedness you describe. Thanks for sharing.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2010
April 5, 2011, 02:11

Hmmmmm, matt, I feel that I can sympathise with a lot of what you are saying here (as can many on here probably). Thanks for sharing this!

Joined in 2007
April 7, 2011, 13:28

Light direction.

Life is within the journey, of your own connected direction. When you live within the ‘God mess, you find a sad depression’ broken door direction. As if you can reach, for the patched up right star. That falls upon your directed light. I really think, life can be a cover up escape now. So if you want to break free, will direction be on the stability line. I want to be ‘Gay, but i always will live the safety ‘Bi-sexual way. So the ‘God mess is what one person makes of it. As you live for the moment, within your own world. Now feeling, it hard to get closer to people. As you know the ‘Gay word will come up in conversation eventually. So I just ponder the moment, for the clear light direction.’ The direction is vital, for a person’s inner connection. For one grand great ‘Light direction.

Thankyou again.

Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
April 7, 2011, 15:55

Hi Matt,

Welcome to Freedom 2 b[e]!!

Thanks for sharing. You have some interesting insights and I’m sorry to hear that life seems a bit messed up at the moment. 🙁

Ultimately, trying to be somebody that you are not is hard work. Many of us on the forum have been in the same place. I have always been gay and when I ‘came out’, I told everyone I was gay. Some of my friends thought they were bi-sexual for a while and others hid behind it, feeling scared of what people might think of them as a gay man or woman. Now there definitely are genuine bi-sexual people who have attractions towards both genders. But there are also others who are really gay or lesbian yet they feel comfortable in the bi space.

I don’t know where you are at but you should know that you don’t have to live in this ‘mess’ anymore. 🙂

You mentioned that you were also in a “spiritual broken mess”. What do you mean by that?

Ben 🙂

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 11, 2011, 12:23

matt I think you have described perfectly the dilemma for may LGBT people in churches….and in like the title of my seminar indicates we Walk Between Worlds

Please come and join us at our monthly chapter meetings in Sydney… was created for people like yourself…..a safe space to talk…connect….and share with people who really understand your journey.

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