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From Faith to Reason - Former Pentecostal Mega Church Pastor

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Rivers
 
Joined in 2008
April 16, 2010, 14:39

Dear Brian,


Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. It is one thing to hear second hand stories, but to hear your testimony directly is awesome.


I can identify with a lot of what you say. I was born in England, grew up in New Zealand, where I attended pentecostal churches, and went to a bible school in the U.S. that had several teachers, speakers and staff from Rhema and Word of Faith churches. I also attended some of Kenneth Hagin’s meetings in Lakeland and used to love his teaching and that of E.W. Kenyon. I still listen to some of Kenneth Hagin’s recordings sometimes.


During that time I believed that confessing the Word, spending enough time under the anointing and in the presence of God, or receiving the laying on of hands could eventually “set me free” from being gay and tried to get married. It didn’t even matter to me that the reality was so totally different. I simply ignored the reality of who I was in order to “hold fast to my confession”. I didn’t realize at the time that I was really just being a fake. But eventually I began to wonder why I could use my faith for what I considered miracles in areas such as health, finances or other things, and yet not in changing my orientation. I wish I had heard of your story back then.


I stopped going to church around 2002 and gave up on the idea of ministry, went back to university and decided to work in business. I began to really examine everything critically, not afraid to read opposing views or to look for bias in what people were saying or writing. I was still trying to become straight though. It wasn’t until 2006 that I finally accepted myself as I am, but only after what I believe to be the voice of God saying to me “you will never have power in your life until you accept yourself”. That one “Word” was what really “set me free” to be me.


Now I can honestly say I am really at peace and happy with myself as a gay guy and like yourself, “enjoy the most personal peace than I had at any other period of my life”. I don’t attend a local church and still find most churches have too strong a stench of “religion” that really turns me off, but these days I find more “church” and more people like Jesus among the LGBT community, regardless of their “religion”. There is an honesty, an integrity and a real power in people like yourself who are finally living free and living genuinely from the inside out. I believe this freedom is what Jesus died to give us.


So I just want to say thank you Brian for your honesty and your work to help others blinded or trapped by religious dogma. I hope many young LGBT Christian guys and girls get to hear your story.


Timothy

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 16, 2010, 18:12

Hi Rivers


Wow! That’s really powerful and I enjoyed reading what you’ve written. I agree that the concepts of “church” and ‘community’ are much broader than we were led to believe.


Thank you! 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Rivers
 
Joined in 2008
April 16, 2010, 18:36

Thank you Ann Maree,


I was just really impressed that Brian posted here. It felt like another piece of the puzzle falling into place for me. I had read about Brian and the church in Perth a while ago online, but not his own version. Sorry I am about four months late though! Haven’t looked at the forums for a while. Seems to be lots of good progress happening. Keep up the good work! 🙂


Timothy

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 16, 2010, 18:44

Thanks Timothy! Yes Brian is a kind man…and brave. I respect both those qualities very much.


And it’s great to have you back here. Feel free to post more – your contributions are valuable. 🙂


Ann Maree

Brian Baker
 
Joined in 2010
April 21, 2010, 19:46

Hi Timothy


Thank you for your encouraging letter – I was particularly amazed that your experiences were in many ways so similar to mine – From UK to NZ to USA – Word of Faith – and I guess you are now in Australia? I am so pleased that you have been able to free yourself from the condemnation and guilt which you no doubt experienced during those years when you were sincerely seeking to have answers to the question of your personal sexuality.


I am particularly pleased that my story has helped you.


Thank you again


Brian

Rivers
 
Joined in 2008
April 21, 2010, 22:36

Dear Brian,


Thank you for your comments. Yes, it feels great to be free. Guilt and condemnation are killers, literally. It is so good these days to be able to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning just so peaceful and happy, without the internal conflict. And its like I can finally live from the inside out, with real emotions, feelings and love for other people, without having to be plastic, put on some face just to keep others happy or live in fear.


I actually live in Tokyo, Japan now. Let me know if you ever head over this way.


Timothy

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
April 22, 2010, 00:15

hi gang…..missed your lovely chat.


BTW Rivers…..that reminds me ….have you posted your story separately in this telling our stories section.

Rivers
 
Joined in 2008
April 22, 2010, 11:04

Here is my story: http://www.freedom2b.org/node/200

Brian Baker
 
Joined in 2010
April 24, 2010, 15:01

Hi Timothy


Thanks again – I am very pleased you are enjoying personal peace and LIFE now. Although our travels and countries of residence have mostly matched – I don’t think I shall be visiting Japan but thanks for your offer of contact if I do.


Best wishes

Brian

Graham Douglas-Meyer
 
Joined in 2009
November 19, 2010, 22:45

A Past Student


Hi Brian,


I would first of all like to say Thank You. Thank You for so many things and for so many reasons. I was one of your students at RBTC Perth in 1983 & 84. I still feel extremely privileged to have had the opportunity to study at Rhema alongside your daughter-in-law and your son-in-law. Having a background in the Catholic religion.


Rhema turned my life around and gave me hope. Through you and your wife’s ministry I learned a hunger for study of the scripture that I had never known before. I did what you taught “never just listen to what you heard from the pulpit. But, go back to the source and find out what it actually says for yourself.” I actually believe that I am still alive today because of my time at RBTC.


I was one of the 20yr old students who attended New Day Ministries under Ps Phil Howell. I was also very lucky to have had a good friend in your Oldest son who I enjoyed working with in Children’s church on occasional Sundays back in Stirling St.


I eventually returned to the Catholic church, initially to become a priest, but eventually started a ministry under the auspices of the Archbishop teaching and preaching the message I had learned at Bible school. This period of my life is littered with some wonderful successes. But, sadly, it is tarnished by betrayal and pain from associates whom I thought I could trust.


I went to New Day, having left the Catholic church because I believed that I could get help to overcome my sexuality. I was trying to find healing from what I had been brought up to believe was a sin that set me apart and at times I felt like I was the only one going through this struggle. I knew plenty of people who had simply, what I perceived as, given up and accepted homosexuality as a lifestyle. But, I just wanted to be ‘normal’.


I saw my sexuality as a problem in my teens and twenties. I spent 12 years being involved with different programmes and looking for any method that would help me escape my awful sin. I didn’t get to finally come out and accept my sexuality until I was in my thirties.


Initially I was caught up in the euphoria of no longer lying to myself as well as to my family and friends. Initially I was around some people who led me to believe that I could be both Gay and a Christian. However, as I went on to EnglishTeaching at Hight school and was sent away from my support group into a Bretheren dominated wheatbelt town I became despondent, depressed and even suicidal as I felt more and more distance between myself and God.


I have at times felt that I wanted to turn to God, I still had my love for him and I also couldn’t deny the things I had personally witnessed in my own life and ministry. I had often tried attending meetings such as the MCC in Perth but when it would come to the message I would struggle as people took pieces of scripture, completely out of context, and attempted to twist them into a personal idea foreign from its origins.


I got to the point where I would use my training at Bible College to be able to tear down people’s arguments against homosexuality. I would be used by friends as a reference as I would even say “At least I know what weapons they are going to use against us.” referring to the Born Again poofter bashers. However, I didn’t have the knowledge I personally needed to deal with the fateful 7 or 8 passages that are usually used to bash GLBTI people over the head with


It was only 18 months ago I read AVB’s book and then early this year on one of my visits to Sydney that I got the opportunity to catch up with AVB. Progressively over the past 18 months I have been drawing closer and closer in my relationship with God and even more recently have been sensing that I may even have a ministry in the future. Time will tell.


I’ve been listening to Old Hagin and Copeland Tapes (actually I’ve been transfering them to MP3) I can see that there are places where is some clash. But, I am also aware that the promises remain the same.


I am writing my personal journey as a book that I hope will help Gay Christians and other people of Faith.


I hope you are well. Additionally my thoughts and prayers are with your Son and daughter-in-law as he recovers.


Love and Many Thanks

Graham


BTW. I have read “From Faith to Reason”, I was one of those on the floor in the all night session http://www.freedom2b.org/modules/smileys/packs/Roving/tongue.png
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