Gay Father, Gay Son (part 1)

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Joined in 2007
November 11, 2007, 22:43

He was a beautiful little boy. You might would say that he was just the average, typical kind of todler who liked to play and get into the same kinds of trouble other kids do. However, he was the finest, best looking little fellow you would have ever metl He was a fun-loving outspoken child and he and I had a very close relationship. I changed his first diaper, believe it or not, and rocked him to sleep and sang to him. He weighed eight pounds when he was born and I think he gained a pound a week until he was six months old, a big fine healthy child just like his daddy had been.

I loved him so much. I loved him so very much. I called him my “baby man.”

I had to leave him when he was only four and ahalf years old. It was the hardest thing I thought I would ever have to face. You see, I’m his father and I did not know I was gay until it was too late.

The Church and society places great demands upon it’s people and requires that we obey at all costs. Obeying the pastor was an absolute must in most pentecostal churches if you wanted to go to heaven. If a young man had some kind of “homosexual tendencies” in those days, all he really needed was a good woman to straighten him out and that would correct the entire problem. I wanted to believe that. I really did.

I had just returned to the states from Vietnam and had not been in the church for three years. I went to visit a pentecostal pastor’s family I had met earlier a couple of years before and to attend church with them. Within one and ahalf months I was married to the pastor’s daughter. In fact, he married many of the young people there to the mates he had chosen for them, to include several of his own children, some as young as fifteen and sixteen. I had been raised in the church and I trusted him.

Even tho I told him I did not love his daugher, he told me and others that “love is something that you learn” and the rest comes later. His daughter did love me and I actually thought I would learn to love her the way he said I would. I was married for three years when I realized that it was never going to work and I stayted in the marriage another two years for the sake of my son. I tried so hard. There was no way that anyone could have prayed, fasted or dedicated themselves to God any more than I did. It didn’t make any difference.

I had no choice but to leave. The temptations never went away and at the end of three years I became involved with another man. I can be honest today. Some things had happened even before then and it just happened, I could not stop what was going on inside of me. I started drinking a lot to deal with all of the pressure and there was a lot of fighting at home. Once I realized that I was gay, there was no way I could live with a woman and go on pretending. I had no desire to be with her or any other woman. The madness had to stop and even tho I did not love her in the way she deserved, I had no desire to hurt her any more than I already had. We had nothing in common except our church beliefs and now even those did not connect. It just didn’t work. If you think you can be married to a woman and a man at the same time, go for it. I couldn’t. Living it was an absolute disaster and mightmare for all of us. She was an innocent young woman. We believed our pastor.

As a result, we divorced and I was not allowed to see my child without his mother being present, not even to be with my own mother and sister. Although the court gave me full visitation rights. Seeing her meant fighting constantly in front of my little boy. I had been raised in such an atmosphere and I could not see my child go through that any longer. He would be so nervous when he came around me because of the way his pentecostal grandparents and family were talking in front of him that it broke my heart all to pieces. He was happy with his grandparents. The last year we were together he spent most of the time with them. They were some of those wealthy church folks and he was well taken care of. They felt it would be better if I stayed away from him. My mother-in-law begged me not to make my son turn out like I was.

I only saw my little one once in thirteen years. I would do it different today. If I could change it, I would see him no matter what they did or said even if I had to shoot someone. I wanted to then and that’s another reason I had to let have him. Oh you guys. Some people have no clue what we have gone through over our children. They told him I did not love him anymore.

Continue to “Part 2”


Joined in 2006
November 18, 2007, 23:52

Far out Robert, God only knows what goes through the mind of some people when they instill absolute lies in children. It also amazes me that anyone would expect someone to get married without there being love involved, I know it happens, my Mum had an arranged first marriage, her Father slapped her because she wanted out when they got to the church.

My heart goes out to you for having to have gone through this.

Joined in 2007
November 26, 2007, 01:34

Thanks Magsdee,

The youngest daughter of the minister who married all of us was only 15 years old! She had two children by the time she was 17. After 25 years of abuse from the man she was forced to marry and finally a divorce, she tells me how that just before going to the church, in her wedding dress, she got down on her hands and knees and begged her father not to make her go through with this but to no avail.

She was a beautiful and wonderful girl with such life and laughter. Today, she has remarried to a fine man who loved her even years ago but knew she was too young then. She is happy today. It’s so sad that she could not have been spared all those years of grief and abuse but she has shaken it all off to make the very most of the time she has left. She is still lovely and her beautiful spirit has returned.

Perhaps it was not the same for others.


Joined in 2006
November 26, 2007, 09:35

Thankfully, even though Mum rollercoastered a lot, she always had a sense of humour and a survival denial place which kept her sane, she had spirit alright even so which got her into trouble sometimes LOL feisty woman, thankfully she also had a stubborn streak that saw her through things plus a strong love for her kids.

I really feel for the women and even men who have been in such predicaments, if only parents and leadership knew what they are actually doing or have done. (

Joined in 2007
January 16, 2008, 18:20

Hi Robert

I once attended a conference in Dallas in the USA. There is an affirming Charismatic church pastored by Pasts Tony and Craig – a gay couple. Craig was also married and had 3 children – 2 daughters and a son. After coming out, his wife wanted nothing to do with him, but both daughters are lesbians.

After reaching the age of consent, they opted to move out from Mum’s and moved in with Dad and became involved in the church. Mum was obviously not happy!

The Church is called GFIC – Grace fellowship in Christ – affilliated with Joshua Ministries. I think they have a website.

They are a lovely couple!



Joined in 2007
January 18, 2008, 00:24


Thanks for sharing… my heart goes out to your little man. I only pray that God instills a discerning spirit in your son to see the truth as it is and know the lies being told to him.

My dad left when I was 3 or 4 so in your story I was the little boy. I wondered if I turn Gay because my dad left and that my yearning for him made me look at other men and therefore I slowly became Gay? Was it because I had an overpowering mother who is a control freak with a heart of gold.

I remember at 7 years old I learnt about the phone book and alphabetical listing of name and the spark of excitement that I might find my daddy, I knew his name was Richard E Maynard…surely one of those people in the endless list could be my dad? When I saw so many names… with R E Maynard… my heart sank.

I made contact with my dad after I turned 21… my sister had contact with him in Perth and stayed at his place… can you imagine the spark that it rekindled… then she told me stories of dad being an alcholic, weeds growing on bathroom tiles etc etc and the 7 kids peed on the bed that my sister was to sleep in etc… sigh… she said here’s a pen that Dad bought me and went on to say it was a $5 one from Woolies… gosh that put a damper on me eh… (you know what – she lied). When I got back to Queensland I wrote to him thanking him for the pen and as much as I wanted to be with him… the lies made a huge riff between me and my dad. I love him so much that I hurt so bad (believe me I cried big tears). A big part of me wants all those who told me lies and deliberatey said things so bad about my dad – I want them dead so that I can be free to do what I want… move to Perth and start a new life but I have obligations to those still alive. At least my dad came to NSW for holiday with his Girlfriend and my mum was here too… I spent hours in my room bawling my eyes out because of the conflict and the fear.

My dad had a good long time talk with my partner and he told me what he said and I looked back on those stories I have been told and I smiled because dad’s version fits in like a puzzle… come on… no one thought I was that stupid eh? I have a very analyistical mind – giggles.

I actually went to see him because my older brother came to visit me in Sydney (I didn’t even know I had a brother). When I met him, we were like identical twins. Everyone swears by it. Then I flew into Perth because of a conference and I spent two weeks with my dad… I had my friend come with me because I was so worried that I would be rejected… when we arrived at Perth at midnight… as we came down the escalator… there was this huge crowd of people in there and I scanned the crowd and I pointed out my dad without knowing what he looks like… Sarah my friend was godsmacked dumbstruck when he approached and my brother introduced me … wow… that was a moment in my life, at 30 I met my dad for the first time sigh.

At the moment Dad lives in Perth and I live in NSW. After reading your story I feel really stupid because I haven’t had much contact with Dad as much as I would like to do so. Sigh… after this promise me that you guys/gals will hound me day’n’nite to send a letter to him and ask him if we can rebuild that bridge between us. I’d like that… hmmmm


Joined in 2007
January 26, 2008, 12:25


I hope you had a chance to read Gay Father, Gay Son Part 2. We did find each other in the end. Thirty years later, my son is facing and fighting many of the same battles with seeing his children that I faced with him so many years ago.

Thanks for you input and comments. It helps to know that we are not alone in the things we face today.


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