Gay Father, Gay Son (part 2)

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Joined in 2007
November 11, 2007, 23:46

Continued from “Part 1”

During the five years that I tried to go straight again, I decided that I had to see my son again. I didn’t care what I had to do. I couldn’t stand it any more. All those years they wouldn’t even let me have a picture of him. I had some wonderful straight friends who knew their family well, other pentecostals I might add but quite liberal and they always kept me informed as to how my boy was doing and if he was well and happy. His mother had remarried and his grandparents had him for a long time.

His grandparents were having a big campmeeting at their church and so I decided to get dressed up and just attend their happy affair. As I drove up onto the church property I saw him walking across the parking lot with some other young people. I recognized him instantly. I had not seen him in eight years. I was shaking all over but I was detemined not to give up unil I had gotten a good look a him close up. I had prayed so hard for several days. “God, if you’ll just let me see him, I’ll be alright. I won’t make a fuss or cause any trouble . I just have to see my baby one more time.”

I walked in and sat down in the middle of their service. I knew that even tho these were radical pentecostals they likely wouldn’t make a scene with so many of their fellow church leaders around. The guest speaker must have recognized me because he threw in some scathing remarks about homosexuals in his sermon. I guess they can’t help it. I saw my ex-wife make my son leave the group of young people he was sitting with and come up front and sit by her. Poor little fellow, he could not help glancing over his shoulder to get a look at me. Today, I would walk to the very front of the place in sight of all of those so-called children of God and take him in my arms and tell him how much I cared for him. Then, I didn’t want to make a scene and cause him any harm.

I left that meeting early and started down the road. I was crying and sobbing to God in gratitude for allowing me to see him again and suddenly I stopped the car. I told God, I know I promised that just seeing him would be enough but I can’t let him go yet. I just can’t. So, I turned around and went back to their reception, got me a plate and sat down at a table just like I belonged there. His grandmother actually brought him over within a short distance of where I was sitting and introduced me to my own son. It was grand. After they walked away, a young girl walked up and whispered into my ear. “Robert wants to see you.”

I followed their instructions and went into a vacated sanctuary and began playing the piano quietly. He and one of his cousins slipped in through a side door. Without even looking up, I softly said, “son, I want you to know I love you and I always have.” He was quiet for a moment and then he said, “Daddy, I gotta go.” And then he was gone.

Something went through me. It was if a shadow passed over me. When he spoke, I heard mysef speak, the same tender, soft voice.

I didn’t hear from him again intil he was nineteen and we talked for one hour. He called me again when he was twenty. There were all kinds of questions he wanted to ask about being gay, some very personal and I have the strangest notion he already knew the answers but he just wanted to hear it from me. I knew. In my heart I knew but I prayed it wasn’t true. I wanted him to be straight. I didn’t want to go through the life and heartbreak that I had. As a gay father, I wanted my son to be a straight, normal boy like everyone else and have a happy, accepted life.

He married at the same age I did and had two beautiful children. It was decided that it might be best that I did not attend the wedding. He married a pentecostal girl from the church he attended. I tried to talk man to man with him before he got married and he assured me he was straight and was offended that I tried to imply anything different . Less than five years later, he left his wife and children and came out. I didn’t take it well. It fractured every thread I thought I had left. I told him to go back to his wife and children, that he didn’t know what kind of life this was out here and ………… I prayed. In my heart I knew wouldn’t do any good. Once he found out who he really was, there was no going back.

Today, he has a wonderful relationship with his children and always has. They are very close and they love their daddy so very much because he has been there for them, seen them and loved them no matter what. My grandchildren know who I am today and I see them as often as I can.

He’s a chip off the old block. You wouldn’t believe it. He is also a spirit filled christian and loves God. It’s been a rough road for him because the pentecostal ex-wife faces the same issues from her church that we all did and ………… we go again.

But he’s my son and I love him and he loves me. We have a unique kind of relationship and sometimes we can both just be sisters and camp and carry on like two queens. Most often, I’m just an ordinary father who gives his son advice and worries about the kids and what their life is going t be like in the future. God said he would “restore the years the locusts had eaten” and he’s doing that today. I guess I’m pretty lucky.


Joined in 2007
November 12, 2007, 01:38


What a beautiful and moving story. I feel honored that you shared it with us. I am glad that your relationship with your son has been restored and that his children know you.

It’s great to hear stories of how people have come through these struggles and survived.

God bless!

Joined in 2007
November 12, 2007, 15:29

Thanks Magz,

It is my sincere desire that others may know that no matter how tough things may seem at the time or how long it takes, who you really are and what’s inside of you will come out some day. There’s a song that says “love can build a bridge” and it can if we’re willing to hold on. It’s hard to love again sometimes when you have been so hurt and wounded by the things that have happened in your life.

There’s something powerful about children. If they can somehow know that you love them no matter what and you are willing to tell them how sorry you are for the mistakes you’ve made, they will love you unconditionally, no matter what any one else says about you. I found this to be true for me.

Your encouragement is special.


Joined in 2006
November 12, 2007, 20:04

Dear Robert,


thanks for sharing that with us. It rings very close to home for me. Thanks for the timely encouragement.


Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
November 12, 2007, 23:13

whats in this story that hasn’t been in others of the past is LOVE……..and that will make all the difference.

Joined in 2006
November 19, 2007, 00:03

What a journey it has been for you and your son, its truly awesome that you have a great r/ship now and you are a family again. Indeed love does make all the difference. What an awesome story of love and hope.

Dove Snuggler
Joined in 2007
November 29, 2007, 00:25


I share deep tears of pain as well as deep tears of joy. My son is now 25 and he shares a lot of my sensitivity. However I am sure he is straight. It really doesn’t matter what they are, but it matters that we can be there for them … and connect. It’s not easy but it is vitally important that we give a damn, no matter what our circumstances. And that makes all the difference!

Remember your namesake Robert Frost, the American poet? “Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the road less travelled by and that has made all the difference.” The inspiration for Scott Peck’s book: ‘The Road Less Travelled”. Many Christians have adopted this phrase as their own and yet it is equally ours … the confidence of coming out … of embracing gay parenthood! Of normalising sexuality in the family.

Thank you for your moving story!


Joined in 2007
January 26, 2008, 12:31


Thanks for your comments and sharing. I meant to say so earlier but I have been out for a bit over the holidays. We all have much to learn from one another and no one can understand better than those who have walked in our shoes.

God’s blessings on you and your life.


Joined in 2008
March 10, 2008, 09:19

………….I had prayed so hard for several days. “God, if you’ll just let me see him, I’ll be alright. I won’t make a fuss or cause any trouble . I just have to see my baby one more time.” ……………

………..Without even looking up, I softly said, “son, I want you to know I love you and I always have.” He was quiet for a moment and then he said, “Daddy, I gotta go.” And then he was gone……………..



I am so crying now…. that was beautiful. Just the fact that you love your son so much. Your story really touched my heart. Your son is a very very lucky man to have such a wonderful Dad who loves and accepts him for exactly who he is. Thank you for writing that, you have no idea how much that touched me.


Joined in 2007
March 10, 2008, 18:29

Thanks John. I appreciate your nice comments.

Love wins out in the end if we can just hold on long enough.


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