Gay... in a straight marriage?!

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Joined in 2012
June 15, 2012, 09:33

A friend of mine alerted me to this blog post about a gay Mormon man who has been happily married to a woman for 10 years. His story is really interesting, but I'm not sure I can articulate how I feel about it having just read it. I'm about to take myself off to bed but I thought I'd post up a link here to open it for discussion.

The Weed – "Club Unicorn: In which I come out of the closet on our ten year anniversary":


Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
June 15, 2012, 14:06

Mmm … fascinating. Seems genuine. Seems to work for them. They seem well-adjusted about their unusual situation. Mutual honesty and openness must be a key for them.

I think it just shows how careful we need to be about putting things in boxes. We are all different in various ways. Whether LGBTI or straight (or all mixed up!), determining a faith-based relationship ethic for ourselves in the context of the prevailing cultural ethics thrust at us every day by the wider world, is challenging and requires wisdom and discipline. This couple demonstrate that it can be done to their apparent satisfaction.

Joined in 2009
June 15, 2012, 21:53

This is very close to home for me.

I just really hope that homophobic people will not read this and say "See he can do it, you could too" and push the heterosexual agenda. It has definitely not worked. 41 yrs of a straight marriage hasn't changed a thing. For me coming out and living an authentic life was really important. I will never leave my wife, but life is not easy.

If you are gay, my advice is not to enter a straight marriage. It is not fair on the straight partner either.

I strongly support monogamous gay marriage for life.

In Him


Joined in 2007
June 16, 2012, 19:54

Hi David,

I would have to agree that his post seems genuine. It is definitely a beautiful and very touching story.

I think his comment, "I want to make it very clear that while I have found a path that brings me profound joy and that is the right path for me, I don’t endorse this as the only path for somebody who is gay and religious. I will never, ever judge somebody else’s path as being “incorrect” and I know many people who have chosen different paths than myself", says it all.

This post is really about his journey. And it does not mean that it will work for other same sex attracted people.

I know that for me, that a life involving marriage to a woman would not have worked. In actual fact, I made a conscious decision before coming out, that a marriage to a woman would not make me happy. I wanted to have children – but I knew that a 'hetrosexual marriage' would only lead to regret for me, as I wanted / needed the ''companionship'' involved with a relationship with another man.

I have so many gay friends, who at one stage, were married to a woman or a man, and they had children, and in some cases they have grandchildren. Naturally, when they chose to end their hetrosexual marriage, their love for their children and their grandchildren has not lessened. And I knew that they were happier acknowledging that they are ''gay'' or ''same sex attracted'', and I could see that they were so much more content in their chosen same sex relationships.

Joined in 2005
June 22, 2012, 14:47

A truly interesting post – and one Im on two minds about.

However in general I have to say it that it it reflects a possible path and A truth – although not the only truth – and whilst I have concerns that it could be misued…. I think that it shows the diversity of our community and in the longer run – thats a good thing. It reflects truth and in the longer run thats a good thing. Its the fundamentalists that oppose truth and we mustnt fall into that trap that just because someone says something we dislike – we howl it down.

I think it should be judged by its truthfulness.

Of course – people Often fool themselves. Research shows that Homophobes (Pell ? Jensen ? Who knows but one wonders) are often repressed Gays and the more focus someone puts on fighting homosexuality – the higher the chance is they are actually denying their imnnate homosexuality. (My point is there is a lack of truth within the person that is not apparent and can be hard to judge)

Still the message in this case seems to be a (mostly) good message…. He's been honest with his wife.

and the comments are pretty positive as far as I scrolled through them (gave up after a while)

There is a caveat here…

The unwritten subtext I think (although he doesnt say it – i think he implies it) is that whilst its OK to be same sex attracted – its not OK to act on it… (although he says you can be forgiven if you have). I dont think thats a great message… but he does say "I want you to know that God loves you, and that even though you are attracted to people of the same gender, you are a completely legitimate individual, worthy of God’s love, your family’s love, and the love of your friends. You are no more broken than any other person you meet. You are not evil. You are a beautiful child of God."

Still I think its a good thing to start the LDS discussing the elephant in the room so in that way – its probably a good way to start…..

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