Hi forestgrey,
This is a great topic and worth exploring in depth. And I could write heaps, but I’ll add just a few brief points that should help tell a bit of my belief and practice in terms of sexual morality.
* I think it’s important to highlight that we are talking about LGBT people of faith in this discussion. Those of no/different faith will have no/a different set of values and no group has any right to force their values on another.
* As a pastor, I’m talking about faith in Jesus and expressing that faith through our lives as best we can, recognising that we’re not perfect and stuff up repeatedly. That goes for gay and straight alike.
* Jesus taught that there will be times that we need to “deny ourselves” and “take up our crosses”. He also taught about living “life to the full”, but this involved living a life in service to God and in service to our neighbour. It wasn’t about trying to find a way to fulfil all of our own needs. This generally doesn’t go down too well in a consumeristic, individualistic culture.
* At creation, God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Thus we’re created for relationship. I believe that those that are called to live a life being single receive a special spiritual gift that enables them to do so. Singleness should never be legislated on a group of people.
* The sexual relationship is so intimate that the two involved are described as becoming one. Nowhere does the Bible say that when that relationship ends, the one becomes two. The one becomes two halves. Having repeated sexual relationships might bring some quick gratification, but over the long term, the continual giving of oneself to another can leave you hollow, searching for meaning. The search often leads to more sexual relationships, but this repeats the cycle.
* God is a God of restoration. When a sexual relationship that was genuinely entered into comes to an end, there is a lot of brokeness. It’s hard to feel whole when you’re a half. But God makes us whole and gives us a new start. I can’t speak for any of you, but I don’t know where I’d be if God wasn’t like that.
* Considering all of the above, and the biblical use of marriage as a metaphor of the love between God and the church, I think the sexual relationship is meant to be life long, with one person and no other. Celibacy, like singleness, should be seen as either a gift from God, or a personal choice, and should never be forced on a group of people. I know that currently the law doesn’t recognise LGBT marriages, but that doesn’t mean that God won’t. Call me old fashioned, but I think that if two people of faith are committed to life together, then vows should be taken before friends, family and God. (It’s only a matter of time before LGBT relationships are formally recognised btw)
* Faith is meant to be lived out in community. As are marriages. I’ve been married for nearly fifteen years now, and quite frankly there are times when it’s bloody hard. Everything within you screams “Get out!” because life looks greener on the other side. Temptation abounds everywhere. My wife and I have had our share of those times, and the thing that got us through was the friends and family that we trusted with our situation. They supported us, cared for us, prayed for us and kept us accountable. I love my wife now more than I ever have and she thinks I’m a decent sort of bloke too! But without our community, we wouldn’t have the loving home and family that we have.
I hope that gives a bit of background to where I’m coming from. In practice, it looks a bit different to most evangelical churches in that it means talking about sex and talking about it A LOT!! And while it’s uncomfortable for most when the discussion starts, after about 20 minutes the defences come down and we get to the heart of our questions and struggles.
Sexuality HAS to be part of our discipleship. If we’re to be followers of Jesus, we can’t simply pretend that we’re not sexual beings, nor can we ignore the overt sexuality that surrounds our every waking moment. Our young people have genuine questions and desperately need answers to satisfy their own curiosity and to stay an informed part of their peer groups. If we in the church refuse or neglect to talk frankly about these issues, our young people will seek answers from sources that might not be very helpful. For instance, if they’re wondering about oral sex and are too scared to ask what it is in the church setting, then they’re likely to ask a friend. One thing leads to another and, well, you know the rest.
So my approach has been to talk openly about sex and sexual issues in my churches so all people, young and old, feel free to talk about their sexuality. I want them to talk about it in the midst of a community that is doing it’s best to live like Jesus, with the hope that the answers received will reflect the intention God has for our sexuality. Yes, it means some boundaries when it comes to sex – not to be a kill joy, but to savour something special in the moment that it is given to somebody you have a deep love for and a lifelong commitment to.
The short answer is that I do encourage people to hold off entering into a sexual relationship until they are in a relationship that has been sealed with a covenant before God. I know it’s hard. I know we make lot’s of mistakes. But that doesn’t mean we should aim for it.
Specifically for the LGBT faith community, I think it’s even more important to strive to aim for this standard. One of the reasons that the heterosexual church community still refuse to allow gay people into their fellowship is because of the perceived promiscuity. I know it shouldn’t be like this, but the LGBT faith community need to live such Godly lives that others look at them and instead of criticising their sexuality, they instead admire the commitment to sexual purity, the desire to serve the poor, the ministry to the homeless and so on.
I hope I can help you achieve that in some small way…
|