It's been a tough 24 hours. Lots of tears but in the end my wife emailed this message to me at work today after a sleepless night for both of us :
I'm too tired to process this anymore, but what I want to say for now is this: I feel far more hopeful after reading your letter than I did before I read it! Much, much more hopeful.
Reading it written out so clearly did cause me some grief, which is natural. And I'm sure there's more sadness where that came from, and that will come out in due course. Like you, I naturally grieve for all the hurt and pain. For lost dreams and hopes. Not just for me. For you, too.
But I no longer feel that our situation is completely without hope. Not that I'm happy about it, of course. No woman wants to find out beyond the shadow of a doubt that her husband is gay. But it rings true, and I have hated seeing you so conflicted and torn up, trying to deny it and fight it and hate yourself for it.
As for the future, I also want to be friends. Good friends! The best of friends! Heck, it's how we started out, remember!
I think that with you working towards accepting rather than loathing yourself, and us hopefully being able to set each other free to truly be ourselves without the expectations that typically come with marriage, I can foresee a better relationship than we've perhaps ever had!!
You can't ask for a better response than that, can you? I am very blessed.
What I want to ask now is for some advice about how to tell the kids. They are 12, 14, 18 and 21. Does anyone have experiences that might help or advice for how we should do it? One kid at a time? All together? Younger ones together and older ones separate?
We are both scared about this next step but both agree we need to do it.