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I think I might be a lesbian after all

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supercalamari
 
Joined in 2008
October 21, 2008, 18:10

I don’t know if I ever was attracted to men. Maybe I was lying to myself.


I think I’m a lesbian, not bisexual after all.


Just can’t get my head around the idea that I lied to myself for so long. It feels great not to be living as a fake any more.



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
October 22, 2008, 09:49

Its not unusual to think one is bi-sexual sometimes before actually embracing the fact that we may be either glbtqi or even straight.


I “thought” I was attracted to boys even dated them etc…. between 14-19 yrs old but then when I had a g/f at 20, I realised that yes I am a lesbian, its all part of the process of realisation and many times also self-acceptance of who we truly are. I dont understand whats so attractive about a guy to want to be intimate with one even though I acknowledge a good looking guy and love male company but just cant connect on a sexual level at all.


Good for you, its a great place to be ๐Ÿ˜€



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 22, 2008, 10:20

chuckle chuckle


its not unusual supercalamari to have this as a part of your journey.


There are of course such things as bi-sexuals……more common in women than men. In fact I think it is actually rare in men.


Some people think that sexual orientation is about who they can have sex with. But this view is extremely limited. Sexual behaviour is not an indication of ones sexual orientation. Emotional attachment, bonding, partnering, affection, intimacy is. If it was just about behaviour then that would mean all the men in prison who have sex with other men have turned gay……ah ah.


For many of us bi-sexuality is a safe space for us for a while on our journey to acceptance of our true gay selves. Because we often have many negative subconscious attachments around being gay or lesbian we adopt a half way point which we feel explains some of our experience and is more socially acceptable……a compromise of the mind if you will that relieves us of some of that internal dissonance.


I know I’ve posted this lots of times before on this site…but this might help. step 5 can often be the safe space of thinking we are bi-sexual.



THE PROCESS OF RESOLUTION


Let me take you through the process that I went through. Its not the same for everyone but like Elizabeth Kubler Rossโ€™ process of grieving, most people pass through each stage at some time no matter how briefly. Problems develop when people become stuck in one place and canโ€™t move on.


1. Denial (Iโ€™m not gay, I was drunk, Iโ€™m bisexual, I was just horny, itโ€™s just a stage, I was just experimenting, its just a phase).

2. Rejection (I can change it, I can overcome it)

3. Suppression (I can control it, monitor it, itโ€™s my secret, no one need know)

4. Hatred (this thing is too strong for me, I hate my gayness, therefore I hate myself)

5. Acceptance (Healthy & unhealthy). Itโ€™s wonderful that so many young people today are coming out and accepting their homosexuality. There is also a group, like I was for years, who have accepted their sexuality but only reluctantly. They would prefer to be heterosexual and as long as that remains in their thinking, they can never fully embrace their true selves and enjoy the sense of freedom that brings. They exist with a subconscious belief that life is unfair, they still live with a sense of shame and some believe they will inevitably go to hell because they gave in to their homosexuality.

6. Celebration (I love being gay). This is the beginning of living a life of authenticity and congruence. The person who celebrates and embraces their sexuality lives a powerful life that transforms those around them because no one can deny what you haveโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆa wholesome and profound love of self.



gettingthere
 
Joined in 2008
October 22, 2008, 21:52

I don’t know if I ever was attracted to men. Maybe I was lying to myself.


I think I’m a lesbian, not bisexual after all.


Just can’t get my head around the idea that I lied to myself for so long. It feels great not to be living as a fake any more.


Hey Isabel. Okay, this might sound kind of judgmental on my part, but honestly, I never actually believed you were bi and I always thought you were just a lesbian. Sorry if that sounds kind of weird. But really, it’s because of what Anthony said. I think many people say they are bi, because they don’t want to describe themselves too quickly or they are not sure or they are just embarrassed to admit they are actually homosexual. So my first impression upon reading your post was I bet she’s actually just a lesbian. I mean, I know I’m not in your head, but based on what I know, that was my conjecture. So yes. ๐Ÿ™‚


But yes, I’m glad that you finally feel that you know. For me, I used to wonder if I was bisexual, if I could be attracted to girls. So I kind of thought about it for a while, but it really didn’t seem to be working. Whenever I see a picture of an attractive guy, then I know I’m gay again.


And Magsdee, I can’t understand what the deal is with girls. I kind of can imagine reasons why, but I can’t really fully comprehend what all the fuss is about. And at the same time, I can’t understand how someone can’t be attracted to guys. I mean, look at them – they’re just so freaking hot. Hehe. ๐Ÿ˜† I mean, I understand that different people are wired differently, but on the other side, there is a way in which I can’t understand. It’s kind of complicated. But I’m glad I’m not the only homosexual person who thinks that way. lol. ๐Ÿ™‚



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
October 23, 2008, 08:40

And at the same time, I can’t understand how someone can’t be attracted to guys. I mean, look at them – they’re just so freaking hot. Hehe.


๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†

of course you think guys are hot lol…………to me its all broccoli

๐Ÿ˜ฏ



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
October 23, 2008, 20:15

of course you think guys are hot lol…………to me its all broccoli


Oh I love you Mags ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜†


I love gay men too, the more gay men there are the more women left over for us!


But seriously, our sexuality is not like our body parts it doesn’t emerge already fully formed. Its something we discover, facilitate and nurture. Add to this the fact that society tells you you ought to be attracted to men its not surprising its all a little confusing! My dad took a good 25 years to admit he was gay, so don’t worry too much I think you’re doing just fine. If you have it all figured out by the time your my age give me a call I will need lessons from a master ๐Ÿ˜‰



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
November 30, 2008, 17:34

I know that when I was first honestly wrestling with my feelings and attractions, I spent a little while wondering/thinking I was bisexual, and I do believe that this was just a ‘stage’ I reached as I grew more accustomed to the idea of saying I am a lesbian.


For me, I can look at a man, and see that he is good looking, I can even, sometimes have feelings of attraction, but I cannot connect emotionally on the deep and intimate level with men the way I have with my female partner.


I don’t think I am bisexual. I actually don’t like the word ‘sexual’ being attached to my orientation at all. I’ve heard the term “Same gender affectional’ and prefer this, even if it does sound a little bit PC. It just removes the “sex” part from people’s minds, which I believe can be such a sticking point for them.


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