Hello!!!
My name is Azariah Southworth and I am 23-years-old.
Before I came out, I was the host of a Christian TV show. My show was broadcast into more than 128 million homes worldwide and we averaged over 200,000 viewers per week on just one network. I had a marketing deal with one of the largest Christian music websites. I had a clothing sponsor and would wear their attire in every episode. I received free vacations to the Bahamas. I had a nice little thing going for me, however, I also had a secret… I’m a gay man. No matter how well people may have liked me, I knew that wasn’t going to fly. So I kept it a secret. I was terrified if anyone found out.
While I was home visiting family over Christmas, my best friend discovered my secret. Not only was he my best friend, but he was the very reason why my show was on the air. I was mortified that he now knew. I remember crying hysterically on my bed as my friend and sister comforted me until I fell asleep. This friend asked if we could meet up when I arrived back in Nashville. When we met, he asked me to keep my sexual identity a secret. If I did this, I could keep my TV show. However, if I didn’t, it would be pulled from the air immediately. I agreed to keep it a secret, from that night on our friendship begin to dwindle.
In April 2008, I found myself in a place where I couldn’t live a double life any longer. I was ready to live my life authentically and honestly. So, on April 16, 2008 I drafted up a statement announcing I am gay and sent it to the media. I didn’t think anyone would carry the story.
Boy, was I wrong! That whole week was a whirlwind for me. My story was on the radio, TV, newspapers, internet and magazines all over the world. I received hundreds upon hundreds of messages from people. Most of them were supportive.
Since coming out, I’ve traveled across America sharing my story to whoever will listen. My story is one of overcoming years of fear, self-hatred and spiritual violence. For nearly 10 years I tried to become something I was never meant to be… a heterosexual man. In that process I objectified women, deceived loved ones and defrauded women I dated. It was all motivated by selfishness too. That selfishness was that I wanted to save myself from hell. It was about saving myself rather than knowing myself in Christ.
Today, because of my honesty about being gay, I have a great understanding of who I am and whose I am. When Jesus told us to come to him, he didn’t say, “Leave your burdens behind then come.” No, he said, “Come to me with your burdens and I will give you rest.” Jesus doesn’t promise us answers, but he does promise us rest. For me, being gay is not a burden, however, the secret was. So, that’s exactly what I’ve done, I laid down this burden my church encouraged me to carry. Because of that, I found rest, hope and joy in living my life authentically and honestly as a man who happens to be gay.
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