In the Closed door

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Joined in 2007
February 23, 2013, 16:10

Hello out there in the forum. My name is Matthew and I am in my thirties. I find that feeling safe as a christian gay man means living in the closet. I want to be able too be okay with the idea of being Gay. Yet I sometimes feel safer in my own protective environment. I feel like life is what you make of it. And life can be a trial of challenges sometimes. I am able to feel centred in my own life in a single moment in hope. I have really placed myself as my own nucleus somehow. I think life is a rhythm of open change in the closed doorway. I stay indoors most of the time.. I do not want people to know that I am really a single gay guy. I believe people can search to find there own journey of open direction and hope. Yet trust is sort of broken in my life. So to be able to trust people completely is what I need to try and do for sure. In every way possible. In every new open way I can. So I am Gay, yet sometimes behind the doorway. It is simply closed, not open for sure. A doorway closed. Thank you from Matt. All the Best.

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
February 23, 2013, 17:25

Hi Matt,

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure you have read many of the stories on this site and can relate to many of them. Every journey is different and every one's coming out journey/experience is different. Whatever journey you take it has to be your own and in your own time frame. You are not alone, everyone here is there to give you hope, support and encourage you 🙂

God Bless

Joined in 2007
February 23, 2013, 17:56

Thank you as I try to understand my own diversity of life. As I live for the moment. The single moment of clear light. To be a hope in open peace and joy. Gay is a light of living in a life of being behind the door for me. As I have had a broken messed up life, while trust factor is lost in my own Identity as a man. Thank you.

And God Bless You as well. And all the Best.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
February 24, 2013, 13:11

I am glad you shared here Matt. 100's of people here just like you…and 1,000's who will read and relate. Think of this as your safe space to share your thoughts…concerns and …..victories.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
February 28, 2013, 07:28

Hi Matt

Welcome to f2b! 🙂

How did you come to find us?

Perhaps when you are ready you might consider attending a f2b meeting if able to. People are very friendly, especially to newcomers.:)

Let me know if you need more information.


Ann Maree

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