Is it harder to snag that special someone in the gay world?Are gay relationships harder to maintain than straight ones?

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Joined in 2008
October 21, 2010, 08:41

So is it harder to find a long term relationship being an openly gay individual?

Should Gay Christians only date other gay Christians?

Once you’ve finally snatched a keeper is it ,comapared with straight couples, harder for two gay men to keep a relationship going? Is it different for Lesbians?

Does online dating work?

I wonder what other comparisons can be made between gay couples and straight ones.

I look foreward to hearing your feedback and views. Sometimes I feel like the whole world of dating and relationships is uncharted waters for the LGBT people.

Joined in 2007
October 21, 2010, 11:19

my 2 cents worth on some of your questions:

Q: So is it harder to find a long term relationship being an openly gay individual?

– Harder compared to who? If it’s comparing to a straight person, you’d also find many straight individuals who have trouble finding long term relationships. I think finding a long term relationship can be hard for anyone despite their sexual orientation.

Q: Once you’ve finally snatched a keeper is it ,compared with straight couples, harder for two gay men to keep a relationship going? Is it different for Lesbians?

– No I dont think its harder for gay couple (cf straight couple) to keep a relationship going. Long term gay relationships should not be any harder than heterosexual relationships. ALL relationships have the same basis of love and commitment. It comes down to the individual and their choices, not their sexual orientation.

Both gay and hetero- relationships have temptations and challenges and anyone in any relationship is capable of failing. It’s a matter of working through these challenges and making a commitment to make it work.

I dont know about lesbians.

Q: Does online dating work?

– Yes and no. It worked for me and not for others. If you have nothing to lose, give it a go.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
October 21, 2010, 16:55

I think it can be really hard to find other lesbians for friendships and potential partnerships. The lesbian world is an insular one and if you’re out in the suburbs, it can be a geographical disadvantage. But then I agree with Nick that it can also be difficult in the straight world too. I’m an introvert so it’s harder for me to want to get out and meet people. I’m not into clubs either so it depends on your interests and whether that brings you into contact with enough of the kinds of people you wish to be meeting. In the past when I was looking for partners and lesbian/bi friends, I went to some discussion and social groups but they tended to be a bit cliquey. I did become friends with a couple of people from one group however and met a partner and we still stay in touch even after splitting.

Interestingly, my current partner said that if she ever split up with me, she wouldn’t know where to start looking for someone else. A friend at work also said the same thing about her situation with her girlfriend. That highlights some of the isolation for lesbians and the sense of being scattered around and difficult to find.

I haven’t tried online dating but plenty of people do and have varying degrees of success.

I’ll be interested to hear of others’ experiences.

All the best with this, Alex, and keep us posted.


Ann Maree

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
October 21, 2010, 20:28

These are the kinds of questions that play on my mind too.

I’m pretty new to the gay scene / community / whatever. I don’t know the ropes yet and are not sure about how you meet gay people.

Sure, you can go to a club, but they don’t seem like the easiest places to actually make friends.

But I am pretty outgoing, so I am sure I will figure it out soon enough.

Joined in 2008
October 21, 2010, 21:48

I think this is one issue that all LGBT people confront at some stage in their lives … what, where and how do I form a committed relationship with another LGBT person who shares similar beliefs and values … Christian or not … once a decision has been made to persue one …

Research has debunked the myth that gay relationships don’t last as long as heterosexual ones …

It’s really an individual thing … what works for one person may or may not work for another …

Community, sporting and volunteer groups are one possibility … again it’s really up to you …

Joined in 2006
October 22, 2010, 21:46

well ….

i think it is relative to the individual person’s situation

i found it next to impossible, (when i was on the sunshine coast) well actually impossible to this point in my life, to find a gay guy who was either a firm christian or almost christian in their beliefs and views on life and relationships who i and he were attracted to each other …

now … i live in the country, (I live in a town of about 100 people) where homosexuality is still a major NO NO

so my chances of finding even a gay christian/close to christian for a friend of any gender is probably impossible let alone a guy for a relationship

as far as making a relationship work … i do think it is like any heterosexual relationship, it takes a bonding of beliefs or allowances for beliefs to be present (i mean one may be christian and one not but the respect and allowances are there to express the spiritual beliefs)

but in saying that, again depending on where you live and the peer groups you are involved with, including church groups etc, homosexual relationships may well be much more difficult to maintain because of outward pressures than heterosexual

but in my view it is dependent on various circumstances …

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
October 23, 2010, 08:31

Hi Tez

I imagine you might feel isolated living where you are.. So just wondering if you or others have any tips for managing isolation?

Like you, I believe that possessing similar values and beliefs as a partner is important for making a relationship work. I believe there also needs to be enjoyment and respect of differences in each person. And in fact, there needs to be some differences to make things interesting. In the past I would have thought that having the same religion was necessary in order for a relationship to be compatible. These days, I don’t hold to that, having seen examples of couples from different backgrounds and faiths that have made their relationships flourish. In their cases they share deeper values such as unity, open mindedness and an ability to integrate different views. They grow into an interfaith union that honours both perspectives. I really love that.

And yes, there’s no particular formula because everyone has their individual circumstances, depending on location, culture and so many other variables.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2006
October 23, 2010, 18:35

well in some ways i feel isolated

but i have family out there

I am back where i grew up

so that is good and bad,

good cos i love country living (open spaces, fresh air, bush and animals all around me and cheaper living etc)

but bad cos my sexuality needs to remain silent/invisible or i will be alienated/exiled

yet i wont lie so i am in an interesting position

so my new friends/acquaintances out here are not yet in full knowledge of me so …

however in saying that, i do not miss the city life, the hustle and bustle, fast pace and all the damn attitude all around me

but i miss being able to hang out with friends, regardless of their sexuality

but back to the subject at hand,

it is an individual situation i believe

i am sure there are some country areas where sexuality is open and most people just say ok and keep on living

it is just not where i am living currently …

how do i deal with the isolation

the internet helps a lot lol

and a bi monthly visit to the city or coast to hang with a few gay friends

it seems to keep me going

Joined in 2008
October 23, 2010, 21:17

Speaking of isolation, I think there’s been some research done into LGBT people living in regional areas, and how it affects their well-being etc. It would be interesting to compare this with city areas where LGBT support services tend to be more visible.

I found this ABC article about how the internet helps LGBT people overcome the isolation factor.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
October 24, 2010, 08:13

Thanks Pierre. Great article! 🙂


Ann Maree

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