Trying to discuss this by being sensitive to the posting guidelines and not saying anything I shouldn’t. So, here goes…

First, a little background on me. I’m male, 33 years old. I only ‘came out’ this year.

Prior to the beginning of that process, I hadn’t been on anything that could be remotely described as a date for about 9.5 years. Back then, I had dated a girl for a couple of months. Even back then, I was fairly clear in my mind that my true desire was to be with a guy, but I wouldn’t allow myself that. And in the time after that, I pretty much took the view that it wasn’t appropriate to date women either, not unless I could be genuine and honest with them that my feelings were (at the very least) very conflicted.

So, no contact with guys. But plenty of imagining and fantasising and so forth.

Now that I have come out is what I want to talk about. I have lost count of the number of times that I’ve said to people that I’m feeling and acting more like a teenager than an adult. It’s as if I’ve picked up learning about relationships back at the age when I first started having clear feelings for guys – around 15 or 16.

And guys around that age do a lot of experimentation. They make rash decisions on the basis of hormones. They’re awkward at converting feelings into actual relationships.

All of which is very true of me at the moment. I keep looking at myself and thinking “who ARE you?” As a Christian I have – or thought I have – certain values and principles about relationships and what is appropriate behaviour. But it seems as if a part of me is really caught up in making up for lost time, as it were, and wanting to experience guys in a way that isn’t terribly compatible with some of those values.

It’s all come out in a rush – hence the title of the thread.

Can anyone else relate to this at all? Is this just a natural product of suppressing feelings for years and years, and then finally letting them out?

sounds very normal to me

i came out af couple of years ago – i am now 41 and i went through exactly that, i felt so foolish in one sense – i thought i was a teenager lol, but things settled down and i recovered my stance on things and i guess some sense of ‘morality’. But in saying that i agree also to a reasonable degree that if one has ‘needs’ then well we are human. One thing i personally believe is that christianity as a whole does not deal with sex very well and it is still so much a ‘no go ‘ zone, That is not to say orgies etc are all ok, but the issue of sexuality and sex in itself is something that is still not discussed on levels i think it should be.

(original issue) I think that it is a normal experience for many people regardless of the age, as it seems to me to be a ‘natural/normal’ experience in the majority of people’s journeys as a human being. The christian church, in my opinion, does not deal well with teens on this whole issue, and in some people’s cases who bloom late, the issue is the same as a teen.

I agree with the guys that your response to being as sexually active as you are is just from being so repressed for so long, it is normal and usually settles down. You have me intrigued tho about the next part of your coming out tho, I wont ask what it is but im intrigued shock the perks of being a woman wink nosey as hell lol

hi Orfeo……this a topic we have discussed several times at our F2B chapter meetings. We could put this under the subject heading of “Discovering your personal Boundaries” …..this is by no means telling you what to do. I’ll just share from my experience and observations of others who have written to me………actually this now sounds like a dear Dorothy Dix response….. 😆 😆 😆

When I came out the sexual addiction i had while i was suppressing my sexuality died immediately. If I’d believe in deliverance I’d have to say i was delivered. Funny that I sought that for so long and didn’t realise it was my acceptance not the suppression that would set me free.

Initially I was in a monogamous relationship. When that was over I was able to do as I pleased. Sexually I didn’t go wild but I was certainly active.

As I had left all sense of God out of my life I felt there was no real purpose for me. So I just enjoyed myself. 5 years of full on partying continued. Looknig back…..only recently……I’ve come to realise that possibly that time was why i never spent a day in therapy. I was possibly working out all the anger inside unconsciously. There were a number of self destructive behaviours that i was involved in. Probably a miracle i’m still alive actually.

From 1998 things changed for me. I regained my sense of purpose and relationship with God.

this left me with the delimma you now face I think. I’ve accepted my gay self…..now how do i live that with integrity. This is the big question that will have to be resolved for gay christians……and there probably is not a simple answer.

Can I say this. When a person is in the church there are certain rules to live by and behaviours that are expected.

When we come out and if we become a part of the scene then you will find there are also another set of rules and expectations. We conformed in the church and there is great pressure to conform in the gay scene.

what has worked for me is be very clear about what is right for me, determine my morality and endeavour to live by it. So there are many things that i wont do and places i wont go. not because anyone told me I shouldn’t…..its just that it doesn’t feel right for me and i wont be pressured to conform.

Two things guide my sense of morality.

1. is what i’m doing demonstrating respect for myself and serving me.

2. is what i’m doing demonstrating respect for the other person and honouring them.

If I can’t answer yes to both those questions then in most cases i dont go ahead. The times i have gone ahead i’ve felt bad about what i’ve done. I dont condemn myself for that but recognise it as a lesson so that i’m even more clearer about MY personal boundaries.

Does that help?

this article might also give you some other insights to help you come to decisions.

BTW…..’m coming to Canberra to speak….F2b is putting on a public forum.

And it helps to be with a Christian lover too… gosh I didn’t have that wild moment described in this thread. I was so in love with the christian guy that I knew for many years. Sigh… at least I can say I was so innocent till I met him… (shhhh he was a pastor at the time 😯 ) and we kept our relationship between us and God. I moved to Sydney so I could assist him with the Church … we left due to a disagreement in principle (the pastor kept pestering the congregation for a brand new car so in the end a couple ended up giving him their new car and bought a bomb to transport their kids to school and they were in debt) 😡 .

Thanks Anthony for adding your bit… I wanted to say that I already had a list of guidelines before I slept with a man… one of them was that he had to be a christian and gay… gosh… that happened… and that was the man who swtiched me on to the current time… together this would be our 13th year.

hmmmmmm

Craig