Missing my former brothers and sisters in Christ

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Joined in 2008
February 15, 2011, 05:00

Hello Everyone, Today I was thinking of some old friends, really my brothers and sisters in Christ that I am not in contact with anymore because of my coming out and other things. I looked there names up on facebook and got a glimpse of what they were doing now. Some I could not find and most I could. I did not friend them because I don’t want to deal with the rejection. Emotionally I am saddened :(( as I remember all the wonderful times we had showing love to others, or what we thought was showing love to others. I miss them. Anyone else go through this? Should we try to reach out to them or just allow God to bring them back into our lives as God sees fit? Up for discussion….:) love you guys thanks for being my family now!! 0:)

Joined in 2007
February 15, 2011, 22:20

Hi Jayindieburg,

I sometimes think about the friends that I had in Church – and yes, I miss them and the good times, that we had together. And I often wonder what they are doing now? I actually have a few of my old friends on my facebook – friends from my old school – Christian Outreach College, and the churches that I attended. Well, the ones that are okay with me being gay, anyway.

There are others, who I am no longer friends with, because they do have a problem with me being gay – either passively by telling me, that they ‘love the sinner – but not the sin’ or the ones who simply outright get that cringe look or simply turn away / ignore me. On one hand, it hurts. But then on the other hand, I am proud of who I am. I refuse to be ashamed anymore.

I suppose I have rationalised it, in the context, that my life is made up of many chapters, and they were the characters, in a previous chapter of my life. Some may reoccur in future chapters, and some won’t even get a look in. I suppose I also realise that some people remain in your lives, because they grow with you – while others drift away, because we grow apart and go in different directions. The beauty of this vision of life, is that as some move out, there are others who ‘fill the void’ or are simply friends for this season of our lives.

Good Bless,

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
February 16, 2011, 20:26

Hi Jayindieburg

I miss some of the sense of community I had while in church as well as the shared positive experiences. But those are distant memories to me now.. I used to grieve the loss very deeply but don’t anymore.

Recently I’ve thought about some girls who were in the youth group and I hope they are OK. (The church became cultish so I worry about their welfare). Apart from that, the circumstances under which I left the church caused significant trauma so I’ve been glad to not run into many previous church members. Once when I saw one of the pastors from a distance, I had a panicked response and fled for fear of him seeing me. I just couldn’t bear the pain of being rejected again or faced with an awkward reunion.

Boi70, I like what you’ve said about the various chapters in your life. Church was another lifetime for me and I have rich memories that have shaped my journey but I’ve grown in a different direction now.

I think it’s important to be with people who are uplifting and encouraging, and if that includes church friends, that’s great. And if they’re not accepting or bring you down, I believe it’s best to stay away.


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
February 17, 2011, 00:31

i have reached out to some….and it has helped break down barrriers…..because they have moved on as well. No longer my best buddies…but always nice to catch up.

In the mean time i have made the most wonderful friendships with my gay brothers and lesbian sisters.

Joined in 2009
February 19, 2011, 22:00

I can relate to what you are feeling.

6th March will be 50th anniversary of when I accepted the Lord as my Saviour. In some ways I would like to go back to my old church where it all happened for old times sake and to meet with the Lord there. Celebrating milestones in our Christian walk with the Lord are important.

But am I prepared to go back there and pick up all the gay rejection baggage again? Why would I want to do that? I have just moved forward leaving all the Baptist church behind me permanently.

Yes I do remember all the great times we had in the youth group there. I even have a copy of the sermon that my old pastor preached that night when the Lord called me and I responded to Him. And yes it hurts.

But you know what? The Lord is just the same and He hasn’t rejected me. Maybe I should just find somewhere quiet to spend with Him and just enjoy being with Him. Maybe a cathedral where I am not known at all might be good.

My gay Christian friends have come to mean a tremendous amount to me.

Joined in 2010
February 20, 2011, 18:48

I left the church decades ago. I have new friends and support now.

Ironically many of those church members recently found me on Facebook. What started as a trickle ended up an avalanche of old friends from the church, and I became horrified at some of their wall comments about gays, In the end I performed a mass Facebook excommunication of all of them! |(

I still email a couple of them who are comfortable enough to be friends with a gay person without preaching their church doctrines.

Joined in 2007
February 23, 2011, 00:21

I think about some of the people that I attended church with back in the 70s up until the 90s when I was a youth member, and then a young mother. I wonder what they’re doing, how their kids grew up, if they’re well, if they’re still married, etc. It’s usually just a passing moment or two and then I shrug and get on with my life. I don’t know what their reactions would be if I was to meet them now. Some I think, would be okay with me. Others not. I’m not really interested enough to go looking for them, though and the few times I have met people from my old church background I haven’t bothered to tell them that I am gay. That doesn’t matter, really. I didn’t feel the need to come out to them.

Oh, one couple I was close to in my old church, found out that I am gay in a round about way and kind of disowned me, without a word spoken on either side. That saddened me a bit, but as there’s not much I can do about it, I chose to move on and leave it in the past.

I miss the comforting rituals of my youth, but I know I can’t go back to them now. I need to keep moving forward and find new ways to express my faith, spirituality, and my true self.

noddy holder
Joined in 2010
March 8, 2011, 00:02

I am very tempted to come out on Facebook. I have a ton of old friends from my time as a pente. It would be very interesting to see which ones defriended me.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
March 8, 2011, 22:21

Hi Noddy holder

You had such a positive experience at Mardi gras and you’ve got major shifts happening with your move into the city and need to find another job so that’s a lot to be contending with.. If it was me I wouldn’t want to be doing anything to add to my stress or take away from the positive experience of MG.. So if there’s a risk of a few face book friends withdrawing from you, do you really want to go there?

Something to think about..


Ann Maree

Joined in 2010
March 9, 2011, 10:00

If there is one thing I miss about going to church on Sundays it is going to fellowship and talking with the friends my family had. Personally I haven’t been to church since Christmas. I am not big on going. I feel I would be rejected by most people unless it was a gay specific church. I want acceptance from more than just the lgbt community. That is why allies and the ability to make new friends is so important.

I miss wednesday soup and sandwhich night as well. Always such a wide variety of goodies to eat and people to chat to!

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