My 11 year old son has told me he is Gay

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Joined in 2014
February 6, 2014, 09:33

I'm a single mum to my 11 year old son who is my world. While we were sat eating dinner the other week he turned round to me and said mum i'm gay. I was shocked as hes only 11 but I did say to him that what ever happens I will never stop loving him hes my son and thats it. I have close friends that are gay and i have never had a problem with it.

Don't get me wrong I wouldnt have a problem if what my son tells me is true however he spoke to his aunty last week and he told her that hes bisexual but then yesterday he told me that his boyfriend at school had dumped him and now hes going out with a girl and hes not gay anymore.

When he was in junior school he was picked on alot by other as he loves musicals and dancing singing etc and he wants to be on stage they used to call him gay then he moved up to secondary school he has only been there since September and he came home saying that he had a new friend that he got on with. this is the boy that is a year above him at school and he said that he was going out with him even went as far as to say that he had kissed him and been holding hands with him.

i really dont know whats going on is he gay or is he confused i really dont know and im so worried that he is going to be bullied at school i know what children can be like nowadays in school.

i spoke to his school today to keep them in the loop of what was going on with him and they told me that he had told a teacher that he was gay and he had even told some other children in the school that he was gay but they didnt react in a bad way but then he went to the same teacher and told them he was only joking.

im so confused at the moment as to what to do and what to say to him.

i love him to bits but i have had many sleepless nights since this all started as i just dont know where to turn or what to do.

i saw this site and i know that you are based in australia and im in the uk but i couldnt find anything like this for the uk any advice would be greatly recieved.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
February 8, 2014, 00:58

Hi pinkjen

Welcome to f2b!

It sounds like your son is working out who he is by trying different things. It's wonderful that he could confide in you and that your response and that of others at school has been positive. He is growing and learning. And all you have to do is keep doing what you are doing which is to love and accept him.

I am not sure if you have a faith or not but I know of the Lesbian Gay Christian Movement (LGCM) in the UK. You could try contacting them to talk to someone about this.

Schools and others are much more accepting than they were in times gone by. Try not to worry.


Ann Maree

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
February 10, 2014, 17:56

Hi Pinkjen30,

I think it is totally awesome that your son was able to come and talk to you. Maybe he is working things out, coming to the age of puberty, maybe he is a little confused or maybe he is gay. It is just great that is has been able to come and talk to you and as the loving mother you are you will be able to guide him and help him become the person he was meant to be, whether that is gay, straight, bi etc.

My son is a lot older than yours but when he came out to us he did tell us that at the age of 12 he knew he wasn't interested in girls. Maybe you son hasn't totally worked things out yet but he is working through something.

It sounds like the school he is at is pretty accepting so hopefully he won't be bullied. As a mother all you can do is be there when he needs to talk, support, accept and love him. At only 11 years of age he will still need a mother's guidance.

This forum is a great place, feel free to come and chat here. Hopefully you will find some place in the UK that can also offer some support.

God Bless

Chapter Leader
Joined in 2006
February 11, 2014, 23:33

Hi there pinkjen30,

Thank goodness that your son has a caring loving Mum. You have already shown him that you will love him no matter what. Keep doing what you are doing. Check in with him regularly and he already knows he can talk to you. It's hard because you can't be with him all the time to know exactly what is going on. You have already talked to the school which is great. I'm sure you boy would also let you know if he was being bullied but I suppose it's being balanced and trying to stay cool it's not easy!! It seem you son is just trying to find his place and to find himself. Kids seem to grow up all too fast I reckon but your his rock and his sure place and as long as he knows your there he and you will work through stuff as it happens

All the best. Stay in touch. As a co parent mum of 4 teens they certainly keep us on our toes!

Joined in 2005
February 15, 2014, 14:58

Hi there PinkJen30

Thanks for Posting

I would tend to agree the other replies on this thread.

Whilst most gays are aware from quite young they are different – and eventually reach an understanding that they are homosexual – that takes some time

Children are much more worldly wise now than when I was growing up – but I still suspect that at 11 he is working through an understanding of himself.

I have many Gay friends who married (and quite a few who married and had kids) before they finally came to terms with it all … and whilst the world is more understanding now than it was – there are still mixed messages – and its a difficult time at best anyway….

Also it just may be hes an individual. I know some very effiminate straight men who love musicals. I know some bery butch gay men you hate musicals and have no fashion sense. And at the risk of being provocative (sorry) research shows there are some people (men) who are genuinely bisexual.

As to what to do.

Im not a parent – Im a gay man – so all I can say is what I wished my parents had done (when I was that age) – which was listen and be supportive.

we are more than happy to help in any way we can so let us know how it goes.

There is another resource you may also find helpful and thats PFLAG UK (Parents and Friends of Lesbiands and Gays) . "We provide free information and support for parents, friends & family of lesbian and gay people in the UK."

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