My Journey as a 21 year old gay SDA man πŸ™‚

Page:   1 2

Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2014
July 9, 2014, 17:32

Hi my name is Reece Bektas and I'm 21 years old. I'm in an Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) religious background and this is the story of how I found myself to be the man I am today!

I use to live in Buxton which is 1 hour to get to Lilydale. I knew I was different when I was young but I didn't know what that was at the time. I didn't really have much friends when I grew up. I mainly got picked on for my abnormal interests and personality. As a child growing up in the Seventh-Day Adventist church I heard one speaker that was anti towards being same-sex attracted, at that time I was either playing with my hands or sleeping because I found church services very boring and dry.

As I reached puberty I had the urge to experiment at the age of 11 with other guys just a few months away from turning 12. My Dad decided to but me a laptop for Christmas when I was 12, probably not the best decision to give to a 12 year old boy that is about to turn 13. At 13 I looked up different kind of websites, websites boys would look up, but for some reason I really liked seeing the same-sex stuff. I thought I might chat with other like minded guys on chat rooms such as ICQ back in the day when Grindr didn't exist!

One night I left my laptop on showing the chat rooms I was visiting and Dad decides to have a look and decided to pull me away from everyone else and asked me, "why are you talking to guys on a gay chat room?" This is when I was 13, and as a 13 year old I didn't really know the best answer to give him because I didn't know myself properly enough to give him a reasonable answer. Both Mum and Dad were concerned and started praying for me that this will just be a phase.

When I was 14 my hormones were going crazy and I didn't know how to deal with them as I was young and didn't know to deal with it at the time. I couldn't really speak to Mum and Dad as they didn't understand me and how to best guide me in the right direction. A guy from high school that was a couple of years above me was friends with my sister Fiona. Fiona and I played games with him and the rest of her friends. I could feel if he was coming onto me, but the weird part was he was going out with Fiona!

One day after school there was a school social and being he lives not far away from the school then where I live, so I stayed with him for the night so I could go to the school social and go to school the next day. We played games just him and I and one thing lead to another. At first I was up for it but then afterwards I felt guilty. He told me not to tell anyone. We did stuff together a few times after that. The more we did stuff the more I got guilty. After feeling guilty to the point I felt I had to tell someone, so I walked up to my Dad confidently and privately and told him what had been happening behind closed doors. I went through counselling at school to help me with the situation that happened with the guy that I got involved with sexually. They didn't help me with what I was going through but tell me if you think about it just focus on something else and put that out of your mind, which is easy said then done.

Dad was shocked as any parent would, he spoke to Fiona and of course Fiona wanted to go up to her boyfriend at the time and asked if it was true. He got upset with me because I broke the promise that we made. He then backstabs me in a way that would ruin my reputation at school by spreading rumours saying we had sex.

During that time we were going through a family crisis at home with my Mums side of the family due to someone interfering with my sisters that caused a huge separation in the family between us and my Mums side of the family. We were all upset that this whole thing happened and that someone could do such a thing.

After what had happened in the family we decided to move churches and we moved to Lilydale SDA which is currently my home church. After the second week into this new church a guy called Michael went up to me and introduced himself to me, and from then onwards we started talking every Saturday (Sabbath) morning. We started building a friendship and afterwards we started being best of friends. On the holidays I would be hanging out with him and meet his friends and start having a good collection of friends.

The year 2008 I was still getting picked on and after much patience with Mum and Dad I moved schools and went to Lilydale Adventist Academy (LAA) half way through the year, which came with a cost of travelling an hour and a half both ways to get to school. I would be catching 2 buses to get to school. One from Marysville to Healesville and the other from Healesville to LAA. It was a commitment so I could be with my friends and boost my self-esteem, and as well get the best education of course.

Things were going well until Black Saturday bushfires decided to burn through Narbethong and Marysville and on its way to Buxton. My Dad is a fire fighter and was fighting these fires. We had to evacuate and go to Alexandra. This ruined my travel on the bus from Marysville to Healesville, so I stayed with my best mate Michael so I could keep attending LAA. Through this time I was hanging out with the wrong crowd.

With everything that was going on in my life going through with my same-sex attractions, family crisis and bushfires my mate said that alcohol helps erase things in my life. One night after school I went to him and told him I wanted to get drunk. Well I got drunk alright, in fact I got so drunk that I had to be rushed to Hospital because of alcohol poisoning. I reached a alcohol blood level of 0.16. Mum and Dad didn't know what was going in my head at the time because they were more focused on the family situation and bushfires then they were on my issue that I was facing. After when I got drunk I told the mate that helped me get drunk that I went through sexual activity and i wanted him to make me straight and help me get girls to sleep with. I went really downhill since the,. I stole money from my parents, I stole items at shopping centres, I changed my appearance.

In the year 2010 it dawned on me that the mate that was changing me to be him pretty much, he was using me. I told him to get stuffed I don't want anything to do with you. That same year I decided to go on this little mission trip called STORM CO (Service To Others Really Matters Company) where we went to a small town called Swan Hill and did kids club and community service. Kids club would involve doing games and crafts and a biblical theme for the kids.

This particular theme was Joseph, the one who could interpret dreams. Surprising as a kids club I personally got something out of it. Found in Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, β€œplans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I walked away from STORM CO a changed man that God gave me a hope and a future that God lead me to this exact spot in my life.

Near the end of 2012 I moved out of home and moved to Mount Evelyn. As the years went on I was struggling more and more with my sexuality but I was always holding onto that verse for HOPE!

In the year 2013 I came out to my parents at the start of the year and this was me telling them not a laptop. πŸ˜›

They didn't take it the best but how could they have taken it when all this time they were lead to believe that its a sin and you need to change.

That year I could feel them loving in a way that they loved half of me but not that full me. I went downhill again but even worse, I was having unprotected sex, taking drugs and drinking. Even though I was going downhill I always remembered the verse from STORM CO.

As it got to July 2013 it had been about 2 months I didn't visit my parents at Buxton like I normally would. I met a guy online and he lived in Orbost, he wanted me to meet him there. So after seeing my parents for a coffee and small chat i drove 4 and a half hours close to 5 hours to get to Orbost.

During the time I was there Mum and Dad were talking to each other and said there has to be more to this then what we have been told so Mum speaks to the church pastor at Lilydale that i was also talking to that year and he got her onto a lady. Mum then called her up, she is a Mum herself who has a daughter who is a lesbian and have been out for 20 odd years. She was talking to Mum and helped open her eyes that I am still the same boy.

Mum spoke to Dad about what the lady who was on the phone told her. Dad felt that he had to text message me but he didn't know that I was at Orbost at the time.

I get a texted message from Dad and i was surprised that he sent me a lengthy message because he normally doesn't really send long text messages only just the word "ok" when we are leaving to head home or when we are telling him something. I read the message and it brought me to tears, being I was with the guy from Orbost I tried to hide my tears so he couldn't notice me emotionally. The text message went something like this,

"Hi Reece Mum just spoke to a Mother who her daughter is a lesbian and been out for 20 odd years, I'm starting to understand about your what your going through. I love you Dad.

The next day Dad thought he would call me and personally tell me about how he feels about me being gay. It was quite a lengthy and emotional chat I had with him. It was very much like a DnM (Deep and meaning conversation).

After the chat I had with him I told the guy I was staying with about that my parents accept me for who I am now. He told me I should leave and go patch things up with my parents since its all fresh. I decided to go and drive not just 5 hours but 6 hours to go see my parents.

As I was driving I rang Mum to let her know that I was coming home. As I was calling I was trying to hold back the tears. "I'm coming home! Make plenty of food." Mum could feel the emotion in my voice and was so happy to see me come home to Buxton.

To sum up where I am now I am openly gay man and proud to be who I am. My parents and my close friends have been massive support for me! Even though its been a year this month that my parents understand and love all of me not just half of me. I am in a committed relationship with David L and I couldn't have picked a more amazing guy in my life to bring me joy and comfort me when I am feeling down. With the verse from Jeremiah I was holding onto that verse for 3 years, I knew God had a plan for me but just wasn't sure what he had planed for me until I could accept myself for being Gay. He loves me unconditionally and wants to the best for me, he doesn't want to harm me! Since Michael my best friend has been in my life he saved me when I was incredibly low.

This is my story if you want to ask me questions about my journey please don't hesitate to ask me! I hope you guys enjoyed me sharing my story with you.

Joined in 2014
July 10, 2014, 10:25

Thank you for sharing your story its not easy to write things down and sharing with others maybe thats just People can never say that younger people do not know what they are talking about. Everyone has a story im really encouraged by what i read and me being 43 i am working through reconciling my faith to my sexuality . Thank you for sharing

Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2014
July 10, 2014, 12:47

Thank you for your reply to my story! I'm glad you were encouraged! I hope with what I shared with you has helped you with reconciling your faith and sexuality! πŸ™‚

Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
July 13, 2014, 22:38

Fantastic, Reece. Thanks for sharing. Our stories are such an important way of helping others. It is so great that God has brought you through those rough times, and you now find yourself in a great place in life. Bless ya!

Event Coordinator
Joined in 2009
July 14, 2014, 22:30

Very proud of you baby to share your journey so openly. Your amazing and to see where you have been and are at now and im so blessed to have you in my life.

A new chapter awaits with many adventures ahead and no doubt Babe your story will encourage others.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
July 17, 2014, 16:00

Hi Reece

Welcome to f2b and thanks for sharing your story. πŸ™‚

It is so heartening to hear that your parents really thought about things and sought guidance rather than just accepting the idea that homosexuality was a sin. I am glad they found some supports for themselves too. πŸ™‚

Your story brings hope, joy and comfort to many, to know that even religious parents, initially not OK with the news of your sexuality, can change and become accepting and affirming. πŸ™‚ If your parents can go through this process, there's hope that others can too. πŸ™‚


Ann Maree

Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2014
August 13, 2014, 16:09

Thank you Ann Maree for your warm welcome and kind message i really hope people that are struggling may find hope, joy and comfort and know they can be christian and gay. πŸ™‚

Joined in 2008
August 19, 2014, 21:48

You champion πŸ™‚

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
August 20, 2014, 01:17

I heard you did really well last friday night Reece as did your Mum

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
September 30, 2014, 15:21

Hi Reece,

Thanks for sharing your story. As you would have gathered from this site not everyone has the support of their parents. Even though your parents didn't understand at first it is great they are such a wonderful support for you now. Your story will bring hope and encouragement to others to hang in there with their parents πŸ™‚

I am a mother of a gay son, we love and support him unconditionally and have done since the day he told us he was gay. Both my husband and I have even marched in the Mardi Gras with our son πŸ™‚ He now has boyfriend who we have welcomed into our family.

I am more than happy to offer support to your parent if your parents need someone to talk too.

Page:   1 2
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.088 seconds.