My story

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cow shoes
Joined in 2007
September 4, 2007, 11:02

Taking the words of Dickens the last 8 months have been the worst of times and the best of times of my life. I became a Christian 34 years ago and although in a gay relationship at the time was made to understand that it was not compatible with being a Christian…in fact it was something God loathed and so I married and had children. I don’t regret my beautiful children for one moment but I do regret the pain I have brought on them and their father over the past few months. The fact is despite the fact that all things were supposed to become new on being born again, I knew that nothing ever changed in one area of my life. So the years passed and I switched off and felt like I was on a monorail to death. I remained faithful to my marrigae vows but hopelessly unhappy and resigned to live that way. I had always been in pentecostal churches but gradually began to be dissatisfied with the narrowness and unacceptance of those who were in anyway different.

In January this year my life chnaged irrevocably and forever. Without looking for it I fell hopelessly in love with a woman I met on the internet and she with me. I have never known such turmoil because of my conditioning I did not know there might be a possiblity I could still be loved by God. In the midst of everything I came across Anthony’s website and ordered his book. It helped so much to know that another Christian could actually go through this…I thought I was the only one in the world and come out the other side, at peace. I still have a way to go to work through the faith journey and my relationship with God, but it feels good to do that and not just accept everything that comes from the pulpit as coming from God. My current state is my partner is now sharing my life and I’m very happy and at peace. My children still have not adjusted and that is extremely painful to me. I hope time will help there. Thankyou again for this wonderful site and the support it offers to people like me.

Joined in 2005
September 4, 2007, 13:33

we know and understand some of your journey and are here to support you. You have come to the right place… welcome to God’s house…. i hope you enjoy your stay.

Feel free to talk about whats going and seek support here

Joined in 2006
September 4, 2007, 14:43

Welcome to Freedom2b and so glad that you found out you were not alone. As Jannah said, you will find a lot of support here. D Its awesome that you shared your story.

Time!! I dont think anyone likes the word time when it comes to healing and restoration of things, but thing is, eventually things sort out and we have a great gracious God who helps us and those involved get through if we let Him help us. Sometimes even despite the situation or attitudes, He does the work anyhow. So glad you have a partner with you along the way. D

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
January 20, 2008, 17:50

Hey Cow shoes…..I saw you post on the thread about our patrons….thinking you were new to the forum I looked up your posts and found this story…….so sorry I missed it back in May. Must have been during a busy time. I can’t respond to all posts but i do like to say hi to new comers….esp. when they tell their stories.

its wonderful you have found someone to be with. I wonder if your story is like Michelle’s just posted.

As I said on the 60 minutes show last year. Even if we come out later in life. its better to live on life on this planet being true to yourself than and entire life which is a lie.

wouldn’t you agree?

Joined in 2007
January 20, 2008, 21:02

Hey Cow Shoes, I love that name by the way! It seems that I have missed your post too so I’ll just tack my responce on to the back of Anthony’s.

As a child of a gay parent (a child who could name on one hand the list of things worse than having a gay parent) let me encourage you to hang in there. I don’t know how old your kids are but I was 24 when my dad came out and I felt about four years old, all I wanted to do was throw a tantrum. In fact unfortunatly that’s pretty much what I did.

You see us kids have this idealised version of our parents, we grew up dependant on them and they were there for our care and nuturing. It takes a bit of a reality check to realise that parents have lives too! Obviously heterosexuality is assumed in a marriage so for your kids to understand that mummy loves a woman is like saying fish fly. All those preconceptions and idealistic ideas come to a halt.

Anthony is right the most important gift you can give your children is honesty, now I thank my father for being honest with me even though I wish it wasn’t true. It’s so much more of an insult to be lied to. People often come out to their families after they have delt with alot of their issues and feel ready too. What many don’t understand is this creates issues for other people who are just beginning to deal with them!

Your kids love you, they wouldn’t be upset if they didn’t. Give them time and remind them constantly that you love them and that you are still you. There have obviously been some major changes so maybe keeping up traditions like bedtime stories or something (depending on the age of your kids, though I don’t mind a bedtime story now and then) is a good idea. I remember the first argument I had with my dad after he came out that was not about homosexuality. It was kind of comforting in a way… he was still as stoubbon as ever so I knew that he hadn’t changed much!

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