Hey Cow Shoes, I love that name by the way! It seems that I have missed your post too so I’ll just tack my responce on to the back of Anthony’s.
As a child of a gay parent (a child who could name on one hand the list of things worse than having a gay parent) let me encourage you to hang in there. I don’t know how old your kids are but I was 24 when my dad came out and I felt about four years old, all I wanted to do was throw a tantrum. In fact unfortunatly that’s pretty much what I did.
You see us kids have this idealised version of our parents, we grew up dependant on them and they were there for our care and nuturing. It takes a bit of a reality check to realise that parents have lives too! Obviously heterosexuality is assumed in a marriage so for your kids to understand that mummy loves a woman is like saying fish fly. All those preconceptions and idealistic ideas come to a halt.
Anthony is right the most important gift you can give your children is honesty, now I thank my father for being honest with me even though I wish it wasn’t true. It’s so much more of an insult to be lied to. People often come out to their families after they have delt with alot of their issues and feel ready too. What many don’t understand is this creates issues for other people who are just beginning to deal with them!
Your kids love you, they wouldn’t be upset if they didn’t. Give them time and remind them constantly that you love them and that you are still you. There have obviously been some major changes so maybe keeping up traditions like bedtime stories or something (depending on the age of your kids, though I don’t mind a bedtime story now and then) is a good idea. I remember the first argument I had with my dad after he came out that was not about homosexuality. It was kind of comforting in a way… he was still as stoubbon as ever so I knew that he hadn’t changed much!