need advice

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Joined in 2005
February 7, 2014, 20:33

A friend recently emailed me,

"Hi bruno,,,how are u?

I'm sad and confused now,,,

My mom was calling me from hong kong,,,

And the last conversation she asked me to become straight, not gay anymore,,,

she is very religious,,,

I dont know,

I thinks I feel become gay since im child,,,

Its imposible to me to become straight,,,

Im stress,,,

Im down,,,

She wishes i marry with a women and have child …"

This person is only 18 years old

If you received this email, how would you reply? Thanks 🙂

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
February 8, 2014, 01:03

Hi Bruno

I would wonder what other supports this person has and encourage him to increase his time with those who are supportive of him as he is which includes his sexuality. Some counselling might also be of help, providing an opportunity to share his thoughts and feelings with a professional who will objectively listen and show him acceptance.

I hope this is helpful.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2005
February 8, 2014, 08:46

I would say to your friend he needs to be true to himself

Its difficult for many straight people to understand that we dont choose to be Gay – and that is why they ask as to do these things – because they cant imagine being Gay. However when you are Gay – its usually not a choice – and trying not to be levies a terrible price (As movies like Tears for Bobbie clearly show)

Say to him that its hard to hurt loved ones and especially family but he needs to look after himself. How he does that he can give some thought to.I found distance (as it seems he has some) helps. Build a support network as well.

Its hard at that age sometimes to be able to stand against parents however he knows in his heart what he is – and trying to change his orientation is not being true to himself and in the long run – to others.

Joined in 2005
February 8, 2014, 22:57

Hi Ann Maree,

yes well, the problem is that he is in Bali and from what I understand, he doesn't have that much support 🙁 we are basically just facebook friends, but we have been exchanging messages for some time now and he seems to trust me. He knows that I am gay and Christian and just wanted some advice.

Hi ShadowBoxer,

yes, I told him that he needs to be true to himself and told him he needs to be patient and that I am sure in time, his parents will come around …

He messaged me again this morning, telling me that his mum told him about Sodom and Gomorrah and how God "destroyed the cities because of gay people" and how "Jesus doesn't like gays" 🙁

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
February 10, 2014, 18:05

Hi Brunski,

Great to hear from you 🙂 how are you?

I agree with Ann Maree and Shadowboxer. Encourage him to be true to himself and do what is right for himself. I know he doesn't want to disappoint him mum but if he did pretend to be straight and married, he would be miserable, his marriage would break down so more people would be hurt. As Ann Maree has said to encourage him to reach out to whatever supports he has. Also encourage him to come onto the F2B site.

As far as Sodom and Gomorrah is concerned there are some great resources on this site and a lot of people with great scriptural knowledge that could help your friend work through all scriptural issues.

God Bless

Joined in 2005
February 15, 2014, 14:32

Its hard when you are immersed in a non accepting culture and there no easy way to find an accepting niche.

Those of us who are older can remember when Homosexuality was illegal in Australia of course and whilst things are not perfect – there are safe places people can find here

As Mother Hen notes – there is more to the Sodom and Gomorrah story

Ezekial notes that

"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me."

There is more here

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