So I talked to my mum about gay couples in the bible and got to talking about Ruth and Naomi's relationship and how part of whatever they had in terms of a relationship, referred to the marriage vows used in heterosexual weddings today. Mum was offended and said that it was a mother and daughter in law relationship, but I had read differently elsewhere.

Are there ANY gay couple relationships in the bible? I looked at the Jonathan and David thing in a google search and it only seemed to be some friendship thing, so mum was pretty much all like 'see? see?'

I still think she's homophobic because of her stance and teachings being brought up in a homophobic environment. She said 'well you have the love and support of your parents' despite her disagreeing wholeheartedly with me on the whole gay couples in the bible thing, and so in reply I said 'well that's debatable…' and she stormed off to the gym with her keys without uttering another word.

Great…

Any advice?

Hi Jordan

That's great advice from Mother Hen! 🙂

And yes, Ruth and Naomi were Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law so I can understand why your Mum would be put off by a suggestion of something else. As for David and Jonathan, I've heard pro gay people try and argue that they were in a gay relationship because they kissed and embraced while disrobing. However Middle eastern soldiers engaged in rituals like this prior to war that strengthened their bond. And today, middle Eastern men kiss each other a few times as a customary greeting and it's definitely not sexual. Be careful making flimsy suggestions based on something you heard without doing in-depth research yourself. Otherwise you risk making emotional claims based on your bias (or desire to find gay people you can relate with in the bible). The trouble with this is that bias isn't reliable and we see weak arguments based on this alone in both pro gay and anti gay circles. And that's off putting and will not further your cause with your Mum.

Better to stick with what you know: your feelings and how great your Mum is and what you need from her that is realistic for her to achieve.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Jordan

You said:

I acknowledged she’s still coming to terms with it all, but I provided her with stuff like wezflash’s site, freedom2b and a couple other sites, but she said she’s been too busy. Maybe I’m not worth her time? I don’t know…

It's not that you're unworthy of your Mother's time. She just can't manage to look at those things right now. You're bombarding her, and in her own way, she's telling you to back off and respect her space. To push someone continually is not OK so you really do need to back right off, Jordan. Your mother will look at the resources you gave her when she's ready and not before. And if you keep pushing her, you may well delay that process. Remember too that her reasons for not looking at those materials might be nothing to do with you but about her own issues or any other number of reasons so be gentle with her. You're asking for acceptance but are you showing your mother the same thing? She's not ready and I urge you to find a way to accept that. Perhaps if you spend more time with those who do accept you as a gay person, such as at a gay affirming church or community, you won't pressure your mother so much? Just a thought..

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Jordon,

Totally agree with Ann Maree. Also I think you have felt down, frustrated and rejected from the lack of response the churches have given you. (which has only been 4 days, pastors might be away, They might want time to process what you have written, look up the resources you sent. Any number of reasons, it's only been 4 days, you need patience) And that maybe you have then over reacted a bit to the comments your mum made, projecting what you were feeling from your perceived lack of positive comments from the pastors towards your mum. If you can get what I'm trying to say. Shadow Boxer warned you about taking any negative responses personally.

You mum does care and love you very much, your mum came into your room to talk, she wanted to make sure you were ok and that everything between you was ok. As Ann Maree has said you really need to back off on your mum and just love her for being your mum. Let her work through all this in her time, it won't take the 10 yrs.

Yes very good advice "don't stress over things you can't control" listen to your own advice 🙂 I think you just need to settle a bit, just be happy with that fact you have come out to your parents, concentrate on those relationships and on yourself.

Patience, I can't stress this enough to you. I sense you want things to happen/change right now. All that will happen is you will get yourself into a mess stressing about it all. You can't change other peoples beliefs, or control their reactions, you can't make people do things in your time frame, you need to accept this.

Do you have some close mates you can chill out with and just have some fun? Relax a bit.

God Bless

See there you go, you never know how your letters have helped or impacted on a person or the church. See patience 🙂 I have heard many stories over the years where a person was told about Jesus many years before they actually gave their life to him. The seed had been planted years before, something or someone came along and watered that seed. Happens all the time, you have put a new seed of thought in all the churches you sent your letter too. They may not respond, some may never give it another thought, but that seed is there.

I used to teach RE at schools, you never really knew if it was getting through to the kids and even if the message of Jesus did, if they came from non Christian homes, the parents might not let the children act on what they had heard. I always believed I was planting a seed, and that maybe in their adult life they may remember what their Religious Education teacher taught them many many years before.

All we can all do Jordon is tell people, talk to them about what we believe the bible says, and leave it with them. Even if they disagree with you at the time, the words you have said will be with them always, even if they don't realise it at the time. And maybe just maybe someone else comes along and says the same things you have and adds another voice to yours, over time that pastor or person may change their beliefs. Not just because one person spoke up but because many did. You voice is the start of that many, don't be discouraged your letters have not gone out in vain.

We don't all get to see the results of our labour, that's where faith and patience comes in.

You also need to keep yourself safe and be with people who are going to encourage, nourish and strengthen you, so if you have some negative feedback from churches or your family you have a balance and don't go getting too low or discouraged.

Keep being positive 🙂 you have a wonderful group of people here to support you.