I think many of us can relate to your story.
I personally went through 10 years of self-loathing and trying to find God amongst people in my church who spewed forth hatred towards the LGBT community, and even my parents made many homophobic remarks. Like you, there were several times in my life where, because I was brought up to believe being gay was a 'choice', a 'sin' and blah blah, that I thought 'Well, If I am doomed to hell despite the fact I cannot change my sexual orientation, why don't I just worship Satan to get what I want before I die?'.
It wasn't until I came out of the closet to my parents that I started doing a LOT of research because, like you, I needed answers, and fast. I tried the whole 'pray the gay away' thing hundreds, if not thousands of times, but God didn't change my sexual orientation. He of all people I thought could change this, but the reality was being gay felt normal to me, and it wasn't God that hated me or wanted me to change, it felt like the majority of society. God didn't hate me at all, it was people who misrepresented Him, and unfortunately quite a few haters ARE in mainstream churches – and just because someone is Christian, doesn't automatically make them a nice person too, trust me 😛 I have been extremely hurt by other Christians, as I am sure you have been too.
There are some good people out there though, and I no longer associate myself with the church simply because I choose not to be condemned and hated – it's completely unchristian of them and I refuse to be surrounded by such hate. I don't think God would disagree with me on that. I choose to be in a place where I feel accepted and loved, and for me, that is not found in the mainstream church. It is in the gay community where I feel I belong and feel accepted.
In fact, it is no surprise that many LGBT individuals move to places like Boystown, Chicago, where 89% of the population there are gay. Who wouldn't want to be in a place where they feel accepted? I don't blame them. The world can be very cruel, but life is definitely worth living, you just have to get past all the hate and make the most of what you've been given. I still have many days where I am frustrated at the difficulties of life I have been given, but I really like guys, and I have come to a point in my life where I am sick of apologising to everyone for being me. If you are anything like me, your sexuality cannot be changed, and God hasn't changed it for you (And most likely will remain that way). As cliche as it may sound, like Lady Gaga sings, baby, you were born this way.
To get back to my first paragraph where, at one point in time, I thought 'Well, if I'm supposedly doomed to hell anyway, why don't I just worship Satan, get what I want in this life, then spend eternity in my supposed pre-destined hell?'. It couldn't be further from the truth. There were many things I struggled with, and I thought that because I was gay, that I was automatically doomed to hell – atleast that's what the church told me (Which I have now found to be completely untrue and unchristian). Let me tell you this. God created everything and everyone perfectly. There are no mistakes. I am not a mistake, I am not an 'unfortunate result of DNA' as some people have claimed I am, and you are NOT a mistake either.
When people also say 'being gay is unnatural'. Is it really? If you look at nature itself, homosexuality is rampant. You can find homosexuality in over 450 species, so how can it be unnatural if it is found in nature itself? People who claim that gay people are unnatural are just completely ignorant and misinformed individuals. I think a lot of it can be blamed on the lack of education *cough* governments *cough*. Heck, in sex education at school, there was NOTHING about homosexuality, and I found that insulting, because it seemed I had to Google everything for my own understanding and education as the government didn't give a flying pig about me.
Anywho I am getting off topic (lol), below is a blog I found really interesting. You might be able to relate to it. It tackles quite a few things and there is an interview which you can listen to a little bit down the page:
And here is a playlist I've created on YouTube which may give you a bit of closure on some things you may have always had questions on:
Hope that helps!