Since my last post, and sorry to stop the violins for those who liked the romantic manner in which Michael and I met (at the wedding on the beach). But sadly Michael and I have parted ways. I feel a little vulnerable in writing about it on the forum. And I acknowledge that there are two sides to the story. But I will attempt to share mine, doing justice to a wonderful man, who really did love me deeply, and whom will always have a special place in my heart.
Michael’s mental health was not always well managed. There were many episodes with his Bipolar disorder in the early stages of our relationship that placed a huge strain on me. I know that it hurt him too, and he struggled to feel like he could give to our relationship. He did eventually seek help, but by then, the intimacy of mind, body and spirit had diminished in our relationship to the point where all we were left with was a wonderful and supportive friendship.
I totally loved him and desired for it to be more. We did work hard, and in some ways, maybe not hard enough. But there is no one to blame for the way we have ended.
Michael helped me find confidence in who I am as a person and as a gay man. The Michael I loved did that. Unfortunately there were aspects of his mental health that contradicted what he built up in me. It was not good for either of us to continue. Both of us loving each other, but I really did not know that he was in love with me, even though he assures me now that was/is I’m not sure … kinda… um?
Michael and I finished our relationship this January. My heart tore in two and I didn’t know how I was going to move on in many ways, even though I thought I’d been preparing myself for it for 6 months or so leading up to the break up. Nothing can prepare you for the loss.
But thankfully, I am able to move forward. I am feeling whole again, and a friendship that has been well established for more than a year now has blossomed into an amazing partnership.
I have fallen in love with a wonderful man, who speaks my many languages, and is as much of a hopeless romantic as me. We have a mutual best friend who he completed his final year of school with, and I went to College with in Australia.
He inspires me to be the man I want to be, and he tells me that I do that for him too. We augment each other beautifully. I have to say I have fallen for him hook line and sinker. Since he lives in the United States, we talk, text and email messages all day every day. He is the last voice I hear before I sleep, and the first when I wake up, and even though it’s in the reverse for him, it’s the same. (Time zones – bahhh)
I can’t wait to see how the relationship continues to blossom. Having a long distance relationship at the moment definitely has it’s struggles, but we are a kindred spirit and having had some amazing time together over here recently, where he met my friends and saw where I live, and just fitted perfectly in beside me, I know it is a great decision to move to the US in July to be close.
So things are great for me now. I miss Michael’s friendship, but believe that my new man and I are very well suited and will last. They say when you know, you just know. I am sure, I know.