Prayer point?

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Joined in 2007
May 22, 2012, 13:29

Hey, I couldn't remember if there was a general sort of prayer thread. I had vague memories that there might have been a few years ago, but couldn't find one just now (tired, brain not working properly anyway).

Anyway, this seemed by far the best place to come to ask for a bit of prayer. I recall that AVB was extremely fond of saying how sexuality wasn't a choice, but sexual morality was. I suddenly find myself in a place where I have to really think about the boundaries between the two, and my boundaries, and it's happening very very fast and it feels like my whole world is turning upside down faster than I can process how I feel about it turning upside down.

I don't think I ever really figured out all my thoughts about sex and sexuality after coming out. As far as many Christians are concerned I've already broken one of their 'rules', which makes it that much harder to look at the rest of the rules and figure out just what applies.

Also, I can't say that my continued identification as Christian has had much impact in my life in the last year or two. So everything's a bit up in the air, and out of the blue I'm having to think about this stuff in a concrete and practical way.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
May 22, 2012, 17:14

Hi orfeo

Thanks for posting about this. Yes I think it's not easy to define what sexual morality is. Personally I don't think the church is well placed to advise on that but that's just my opinion.

Maybe if you think about what you value most then list some of those values for exploration.. That might help give you some clarity.

Our values are deep within us and can direct our thoughts, feelings and actions.. and we always have a choice to act in accordance with those values no matter what situation we are in. Quite empowering when you think about it.. But it helps if we first identify what our values are, and then secondly, aim to be more conscious about whether our actions take us toward or away from them.

I've found it a helpful exercise to revisit my list of values and think about these when faced with a dilemma. It's also been good to look at when dating, discussing both my values and those of daters in order to find a good match.

Anyway, just a thought..

And I'm praying for you now.


Ann Maree

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
May 22, 2012, 17:29

Hi Orfeo,

Ann Maree has given you some sound advice and wisdom. I think our values and beliefs change as we get older, come across different life experiences and situations. When we were younger we had the values and beliefs that our parents and the church gave us, as we age we start to develop our own, that may or may not resemble the ones when we had when we were younger. Sometime we don't think about those values and beliefs until we are faced with a situation. For the most part that would be ok, when it comes to sexual issues it can be a good idea to have them worked about before finding yourself in a position where emotion and desire take over.

When it comes to what is morally acceptable I think you have to really look within yourself for that one. What do you feel is acceptable, how will you feel after some sexual encounter? What is morally acceptable for one may not be morally acceptable for other's.

It's great you are seeking pray and guidance on this issue. I will also be praying that God helps guide you to the decision and values that suit and sit well with you.

God Bless

Joined in 2007
May 23, 2012, 13:26

Sincere thanks to both of you for your responses and prayers.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
May 28, 2012, 17:42

Hi orfeo

You're very welcome and hope it helped! 🙂


Ann Maree

Joined in 2005
May 29, 2012, 15:39

Hey there

Regarding your comment "As far as many Christians are concerned I've already broken one of their 'rules', which makes it that much harder to look at the rest of the rules and figure out just what applies."

As far as some christians are concerned – we all break some other christians rules. Drink Tea or Coffee – some dont allow that. Watch TV or Listen to the Radio, some dont allow that. Alcohol – some dont allow that. Paul said we shouldnt marry unless we really have to….yet most aspire to marriage.

I dont say that to trivialise the importance of ethics or morality – as they are extremely important to our sense of well being. The point I want to make is that what is more important is that you make your own sense of morality and ethics and stick to those……

One of the points of the protestant reformation ( Excuse me if Im simplifying a little here) was that all ( Baptised ) christians are part of the holy priesthood and that the Bible is the only source for Divine Knowledge. Churches have shifted on morality many times in the past – and will no doubt do so many times in the future so I would seek what you know to be right within yourself.

Ultimately you need to work out what works for you in terms of morality (expecially sexual morality) but in case its useful here are some thoughts that I have found useful for myself

Even though the old testament is completed and I personally dont use it much for moral lessons – I find the 10 commandments a pretty good start.

Then I work through the commandments of Jesus

If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.

If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Mat 5:38-42

Love your enemies

pray for those who persecute you,

Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them.

But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Mat 6:1-4

when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.

do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.

Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Mat 6:5-8

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Mat 7:1-5

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! you have neglected justice, mercy and faithfulness. Mat 23:23

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. John 15:12-14

This is my command: Love each other. John 15:17

To me – personally – these are a good basis for a personal morality and these are the more important things to focus on ….

Jesus befriended prostitutes and tax collectors (who were socially looked down on) although he didnt like adultery much – but apart from that – his focus was much more on hypocrisy, not helping the poor and so on. I figure that what he thought was important is probably a pretty good guide to how important they actually are. (He doesnt mention homosexuality once for example – so he didnt see it as much of an issue – and if he didnt – why should I)

As an aside – and Ive grabbed this from another post – from SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States) publishes the following list of behaviors of a sexually healthy adult:

* appreciate ones own body

* interact with both genders in respectful and appropriate ways

* affirm one’s own sexual orientation and respect the sexual orientation of others

* express love and intimacy in appropriate ways

* avoid exploitative or manipulative relationships

* exhibit skills that enhance personal relationships

* identify and live according to one’s values

* communicate effectively with family, peers, and partners

* enjoy and express one’s sexuality throughout life

* express one’s sexuality in ways congruent with one’s values

* engage in sexual relationships that are characterized by honesty, equity, and responsibility

* prevent sexual abuse

* avoid contracting or transmitting a sexually transmitted disease

* demonstrate tolerance for people with different sexual values

* avoid behaviors that exhibit prejudice and bigotry

* educate others about sexuality

I hope that may help you think things through a little.

Joined in 2007
May 29, 2012, 18:13

ShadowBoxer, thanks for that outpouring of material!

Some very interesting stuff there. Some of it is certainly very pertinent to my situation. I don't really feel I can go into what's happening in any detail, but it's amazing and exhilarating and challenging and complex all at once. So plenty to think about.

Joined in 2005
May 29, 2012, 19:40

Good – glad some of it might have been helpful – or at least thought provoking.

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