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Recognizing Our Triggers and How to Manage them

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Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
October 7, 2009, 00:15

I think that most of my triggers are resolved, Anthony. 🙂 I could not have even walked into that church, two years ago.


Sometimes I do get a bit of a knee jerk reaction and fly off the handle, but I am learning to pause and take stock of those reactions and ask myself why I ‘flinched’ before I react. 😳


The money thing with churches was with me way before the whole issue of homosexuality really became a biggie. It’s all to do with “the business of Church” which I’ve struggled with for a long time. Being able to ‘vent’ that in a safe place, rather than shout it into someone’s face who can’t handle it, is important, I think. 😉



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 7, 2009, 00:36

thats great Meg……I come across it so regularly….thought it was worth a mention…..especially for those reading this thread.



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
October 7, 2009, 00:48

Yes, I agree, and I have learned/am learning to recognize triggers and try not to fly off…I goof sometimes, though and a gentle reminder never hurts.


🙂



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 7, 2009, 11:56

I still have them too in some areas. One for me is when people speak about our relationships in a disparaging way.


I wonder if it would help to commence a new thread on this topic.


Recognizing Our Triggers and How to Manage them.



oooooo
 
Joined in 2006
October 7, 2009, 14:25

hmmm

sometimes i think i handle them very well

then other times

i wonder am i doing the right thing or stooping to their level


for me it depends on who they are, what the subject is and where they confront me


ofcoarse i have not entered a church for a while now so that will be an interesting one, (if i go to one where someone knows me)

but i find now, if for example i am confronted by a christian in a shop ctr, i will respond back to them how they respond to me (not sure if this is good or not)

if they yell damnation at me publicly, the last time it happened (about 6 weeks ago) i spoke loudly back at them, saying ‘ok well if that is the case i shall see you there considering you are suppose to judge not’ …. I was applauded by onlookers when that happened lol


if they approach me privately or quietly i will respond the same as they speak to me

i will speak nicely to them and if they will not hear a proper argument for my stance then i shall just say, well we shall just agree to disagree and let Jesus deal with both of us accordingly


if they just give me an evil look or if they are talking about me (and it is obvious they are) i smile (only slightly and keep walking)


i have got to a point where i just dont feel smiling back at them when they hurl abuse at me does me any good


i could be wrong and missing something vital



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 7, 2009, 15:18

this thread has been split from Out of my comfort zone–WAY out!

….as it will be a useful topic for our regular contributors and lurkers/observers/readers


can I suggest Meg…..you just watch the personal triggers. We all have them….for some they can’t even attend the triggers are so powerful. I wonder if the totally resolved person experiences these things like water off a ducks back.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 7, 2009, 15:26

people actually yell at you in public oooooo?


OMG….that is shocking. ❗ ❗ ❗ ❗ ❗ ❗



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
October 7, 2009, 15:51

I have never had anyone yell at me in public, Tez! That must be really awful and I certainly wouldn’t blame anyone for yelling back when they’re publicly abused. That’s just not on! 😡


My main triggers tend to be about the church and money, as I mentioned on the other thread.


I can also get riled when I hear people talking about “Those people” or “One of THEM” in relation to gay and lesbian people.


Sometimes it becomes difficult for me to differentiate between a slur against GLBT and just a statement of fact. For eg: Someone recently said: “Homosexuals have a voice in this society, because they have a passionate commitment to their cause.”


My first reaction was to arc up about that, because it was said by a Christian. Then I paused and thought about it, and really had to admit that it was not a slur, but a statement of fact. While it may not be an example I would use in that situation it was perhaps not meant to be disparaging, and my reaction came more from my internal trigger than from what was said, or meant.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 7, 2009, 20:07

hope you didn’t mind me splitting the thread meg…….


another triggger for me is when people suggest celibacy as the only option for gay and lesbian christians.


another trigger also is cliches like God created adam and eve not adam and steve



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 7, 2009, 20:12

hmmm


but i find now, if for example i am confronted by a christian in a shop ctr, i will respond back to them how they respond to me (not sure if this is good or not)

if they yell damnation at me publicly, the last time it happened (about 6 weeks ago) i spoke loudly back at them, saying ‘ok well if that is the case i shall see you there considering you are suppose to judge not’ …. I was applauded by onlookers when that happened lol


One thing I’ve learned over and over again during the last 8 years of doing this work is that when I get an aggressive or hostile reaction…email..or something like that….it has also happened on this forum (people get triggered here remember and we are supposed to be on the same side)……then it means the person has an issue…..and its not me….they are projecting an unresolved issue on me. Some options are

1. sexual abuse in the past

2. they are actually gay themselves and suppressing it

3. Some other hurt, like parents leaving them, a divorce etc.


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