Sexual Ethics & Morality for GLB Christians

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Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 14, 2009, 22:23

Sexual Ethics & Morality for GLB Christians


From what I’ve observed, in some ‘gay’ churches, there has been little difference between what happens sexually in that context and the lifestyle of what has become known as the stereotypical gay man or lesbian. Of course these are only stereotypes. There is as broad a spectrum of sexual expression within the heterosexual community as there is within the GLB (gay, lesbian, bisexual) community. Heterosexuals have their sex venues, chat rooms, swingers clubs and fetish subcultures as well as open relationships. Within the GLB community we have everything from celibacy, monogamous long-term relationships through to the sexual expressions mentioned above. A spectrum of morality exists in both worlds and is not determined by ones sexual orientation but an individual’s sense of morality or conformity to the perceived group norm. Certainly there is a high level of sexual activity amongst many gay males but there is a simple explanation for this. If you haven’t worked out what that is yet then do some research on the differences of the sexual make up of males and females and you’ll find the answer.

It’s not my place to judge other people who are on a life journey, or dictate what two consenting adults do in privacy with their own bodies, but it seems incongruous for many of us that the sexual ethos in some ‘gay’ churches basically mimics the ‘gay scene’. If you are going to call yourself a Christian/follower of Jesus Christ then aren’t you saying that your life and behaviours are different than those who are not?

When I spoke at the TEN Conference last year in the USA, celebrating a generation of gay Christianity, the title of my presentation was Celebrating Our Future and I spoke of five challenges that lie ahead of the gay Christian movement. One of those was:

Our gay and lesbian Christian youth are looking for answers

• How should I live my Christian faith so that it demonstrates a level of morality that doesn’t conform to those who don’t have a faith?

• What do I do when many societies still refuse to legally acknowledge the validity of my love and relationship?

• How does the young person who thinks they might be gay or lesbian actually know that without some level of experimentation?

• As a gay man or lesbian am I bound to a heterosexual model?

• If I really love someone and are considering a long term relationship when should we begin being physical?

Above is only the introduction. I’m not putting this entire document on the net so if you’d like to receive the 5 page PDF of this presentation then email me directly [email protected] and put Sexual Ethics & Morality in the subject line.

The rest of this article includes:

    Guidelines for discussion

    Personal journey

    Personal boundaries

    Freedom 2 b[e] and our Cruise Free Zone – Why?


Joined in 2008
April 14, 2009, 23:11

Honestly, this looks much better than I thought it was going to be.

I think there is way too much of a ‘do whatever you want’ attitude in the world today and it seems to be seeping into the churches. What so many people fail to realize is that a lot of the time what we want to do is wrong. Also, how hypocritical are we to first say that we are imperfect and to then say that we can provide our own standards of morality? What? So basically, the one who makes such statements is admitting that he or she abscribes to imperfect standards of morality. No wonder there is so much immorality nowadays. God doesn’t give us moral standards so that we will have a hard time following them – nothing could be further from the truth. God has put moral standards in place so that we can live our lives to the fullest and avoid the consequences that come with immoral behavior. If man could live life properly on his own, then why did Jesus have to die? Why did God have to give us a Bible full of written instructions if the instructions man comes up with on his own were sufficient? Obviously, man needs God’s guidance. History shows us over and over again that man on his own is woefully insufficient.

Now, I am not one to judge. I am absolutely against judgmentalism and I constantly try to pursue graciousness when I see people doing the wrong thing. Open-mindedness is a personal value of mine. But that doesn’t mean that I agree or support everything that other people do. I believe in standards. I abhor the phrase ‘love the sinner, hate the sin’ because I feel like it has been turned into a phrase used primarily by judgmental people who never tire of voicing their opinion to show how right they are and how wrong everyone else is. So I will not use that phrase although the idea, the idea that was supposed to be there before the legalists tarnished it, is a good one. Instead I will say that I accept without approving. I accept all people (or at least I try to, I know that I fail at this many times), but that doesn’t mean that I approve of all of their actions or the way they choose to live their life. And well, that’s basically what I got to say.

By the way, now I see why you asked that Cruise Free Zone question. Now I’m kickin’ myself, hehe. If I had realized that, I would’ve posted something for sure. Wouldn’t want to miss the chance to have my ideas presented in a big ol’ presentation made by AVB. 🙂

Joined in 2008
April 15, 2009, 20:24

Thanks Anthony… this is great food for thought and a reminder to maintain a Christian ethos even though gay. I enjoy a monogamous relationship with one person. It’s nice to know who I’m going home to each day.

Joined in 2008
April 15, 2009, 20:41

It certainly does call into question the notion of ‘open’ relationships with Christian same-sex couples …

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 16, 2009, 00:01

for those who’ve emailed me for the 5 page PDF…..feel free to discuss the content here. How to get your copy is in the original post above.

Joined in 2008
April 28, 2009, 22:04

Ok, I’ll be the first to stick my neck on the chopping block and make some comments about this 😉 😆 8)

I agree with the idea of personal boundaries when it comes to one’s ethics and morality as a GLBT Christian. Obviously the Bible sets out some general instructions for conducting ourselves as temples of the holy spirit if we hold to the Christian faith. I’m a little uneasy though when it comes to applying the Scripture “be not unequally yoked with unbelievers” to committed relationships between a believer and non-believer, as I understand the context of the passage when it was written to mean that Christians should not partake of the false/heretical doctrines and gods of the times (past and present). I could be wrong ❓

I think that committed relationships (gay or straight) are built on more than just one’s faith and spirituality. As mentioned before, the concept of emotional intimacy appeals to me because it encompasses all of everyday life’s beliefs and values ie social, professional, sexual, financial etc. I think sexual intimacy before emotional intimacy should generally be avoided for both persons involved, as it can (and sometimes does) derail the healthy bond-forming process.

It may well be that a heterosexual model is the best for some GLBT Christians. On the other hand, we should be free to explore what works for each of us, using our Christian faith as the underpinning foundation of our relationship.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 28, 2009, 22:58

I aint choppin off your head mobileguy….makes sense to me. thanks for sharing your thoughts

Joined in 2006
April 29, 2009, 07:16

No guillotine here 😉 Yep support you in that.

Joined in 2008
April 29, 2009, 14:28

It is an important issue to be discussing as Christians. We have been doing a bit of work on Sexual ethics for some time now & have found a helpful way of approaching it to be seeing both the wedding ring & condom as innefectual boundaries for Christian sexual ethics. (They are both good things, but just not helpful as sexual ethical boundaries anymore) Especially as not all people can get married (yet 🙂

Christian values of love, generosity, respect, peace, forgiveness etc are more helpful to help us develop a reflective model for how we interact in our romantic relationships.

One thing i love is to think of all ethics in a way that sees the boundaries we are creating as a well instead of a fence. Some cattle farms use this method of keeping the cattle in a designated area by digging a well so the cattle stay in a certain perimeter without fences. For us as Christians, if we see Christ as our well, our sustinence and core, we are drawn as disciples to follow his ways. The life & death of Jesus have to affect every area of our lives, including our sexual lives.

Joined in 2008
April 29, 2009, 20:19

I aint choppin off your head mobileguy….makes sense to me. thanks for sharing your thoughts

That’s a relief 😉 I’m too young to die as a martyr for the GLBT cause just yet 😆 😆 😆

BTW Penny I loved those thoughts you shared … really brings home how being Christ like can have an impact on every part of our life 😀

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