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so great to be finally free and in touch with who i really am

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freeme
 
Joined in 2011
May 9, 2011, 17:17

It has been 4.5 years since i came out and ackowledged who i really am.


For years i supressed my real self,character,personality,dreams and goals,desires,opinions, my sexuality as i was told sooo many times that: “it is dirty,un natural, unclean, evil, ur destiny is a devils hell if u don’t change —–CHANGE????”


This created a lonely,dark,depressing journey for me as i tried to obey the WORD OF GOD and live “A CLEAN LIFE”, to be true pure and a holy vessel for the Lord (whatever that meant?) so, i pastored this way for 9 years trying to keep everything together so that i would make heaven my home.


Oh what a struggle it was some days i didn’t think i would ever survive or come through it i was so unhappy and i felt such a hypocrite, a sham, lier, deceiver preaching all the good stuff but! having all this other stuff going on. Suicide seenmed such an attractive option but even there i was told if i took my own life i would go to hell! so i couldn’t even silence my pain by checking out of this life for fear of spending my eternity in hell.


When my marriage finall failed the door was opened for me to start looking into the real me and it took time but! oh what a happy,glorious day when i finally admitted to myself: ” I AM GAY” the years of pain,frustration, hurt, fear, sadness, torment,terror, confusion started to lift and for the first time i was free. There was still stuff i had to work through but! the door was opened and i was free to be gay, free to discover who i really was as i had lost my identity i didn’t know who i was.


Today 5 years later i am a contented gay man, enjoying my freedom and living my “TRUE SELF” the feeling is amazing and i am looking 4ward to my great future as a gay man. The best thing i did.


Now i want to help other people that are where i was and just need to let it all go and embrace the real.



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
May 9, 2011, 19:05

Fantastic freeme, so glad youre living a life being who you are, it really is liberating 🙂



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
May 9, 2011, 21:47

Hi freeme


What a great and uplifting outcome! 🙂 It’s really encouraging to hear how things have turned out for you.


Thanks for sharing with us. 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree



graceandpeace
 
Joined in 2010
May 9, 2011, 22:54

oh what a happy,glorious day when i finally admitted to myself: ” I AM GAY” the years of pain,frustration, hurt, fear, sadness, torment,terror, confusion started to lift and for the first time i was free. There was still stuff i had to work through but! the door was opened and i was free to be gay, free to discover who i really was as i had lost my identity i didn’t know who i was.


Hi freeme,


It was good to read your story. I can relate to the way you felt when you finally admitted to yourself that you are gay. I felt the same way.


Good on you for living your ‘True Self’ and wanting to help others.


🙂


grace and peace



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
May 9, 2011, 23:29

helping others……I think telling your story here has begun that……. 🙂 🙂 🙂



iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
May 10, 2011, 22:01

Hi freeme,


Welcome to freedom2b[e]. I think what resonated most with me about your story was that the resolution of your faith and sexualty was a journey of active discovery, exploration and hope that doors would open up to you, despite all the negative emotions along the way.


Thanks for sharing with us 🙂



freeme
 
Joined in 2011
May 11, 2011, 19:21

Pierre,


Thanx for your comments yes it was an active thing for me and it is very real to me now it is a very dynamic part of my personality and emotions.


Cheers


freeme


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