So thirsty...Former AOG worship leader. Finaly, Im not alone

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Joined in 2008
March 4, 2008, 15:44


That is a study I would be very interested in. I have two younger brothers. We are each 2 years appart. I am the oldest, the midle brother, was the one who has struggled with homosexuality. My youngest brother is completely straight.

If I could only convince them to participate. Like I said, I am the only one in my family that has changed his views on being gay. Even though one of my brothers has struggled with homosexuality himself, even had a boyfriend, he is absolutely convinced that his desires and attractions to men are wrong and not from God. That he is waging a spiritual battle. Hmmm. Sound familiar????? In fact, he is engaged to be married this June. Like i said in my story, we both chose two completly different paths. I have just been down the one he is on right now and I pray for his happiness. I really hope he is getting married for the right reasons.

Joined in 2008
March 5, 2008, 08:40

your story is awesome. i can relate so much to the ‘walls’ that we build up to decieved ourselves OF ourselves. like you, some of my walls were

– plans for bible college

– church involvement

– token christian girlfriend

pretty much if i kept busy, i stayed distracted from dealing the inner turmoil, which i would avoid at all costs. sometimes it seems so much easier to ignore the giant then to fight it… but from what i learnt, the longer i left the giant, the bigger it got. im very appreciative for Anthony’s book and F2B and this site, because i meant i could face my issues earlier in my life than most people do.

anyway. thats enough. so glad your shared story. was great to hear!!

Joined in 2008
March 5, 2008, 09:23

Thanks Luke!

Ive been meaning to post a comment under your story. Ive been trying to read everyones posts. There sure is a lot!!! I related to your story the most. Your exactly right, as long as I stayed super busy with church activities, and friends, ect, I didnt have to face the “giant” that kept on getting larger and larger.

If you dont mind my asking, how is your family taking you being out of the closet? If I remember correctly you said your entire family was Christian even your extended family. Thats one of my biggest issues right now. My family refuses to accept the fact that Im gay, that I have a partner. They are just “waiting out the storm” thinking I will eventually come to my senses and snap out of it. 😡

So frustrating!

Joined in 2008
March 5, 2008, 10:27


i probably wasnt clear. when i said my family knows. i just meant my immediate family. that said im some the extended fam is probably starting to figure it out for themselves. my immediate family (except for my sister, who is taking it the best) seems to have the same approach as yours…the whole “waiting out the storm” thing. but the storm has been going for a while, so i think they are slowly figuring out that theyd better get an umbrella cause it’ll be storming for a long time. ha. but yeah, i still get given books to read about ‘changing’ and get monthly talks about ‘how im dealing with it’. but hey thats life in a situation like ours. theres a few comments under my story about how mums will be mums… and i dont see that ending any time soon.

hope that sorta answers your questions.
Joined in 2008
March 5, 2008, 21:37


Your story touches my heart…..I ALSO “came out to myself” in Japan…and I was there as a Pentecostal Missionary! I am married with 3 children and I still attend and am very active in a pentecostal church that is loving and full of love. I am still in the closet there but it is my GOAL to help bridge the gap between gays and pentecostal Christians. I am now actively associating with gays in my community. And this MUST involve my family. It is taking time but things are happening! e.g. my wife and son now go to my gay hairdresser and love him, and I am reaching out to gay guys whenever and wherever I can. I will be attending a seminar in Sydney in April and intend to meet as many of my type of gay friends there as I can in my ten days away from NZ! Most gay “christians” I have met since I came out to myself have been at best CYNICAL and cold towards the Church and at worst have grown to hate God! I want to help and befriend more of these people. Like you I long for true worship and long for my gay friends to come into a knowledge of the love of the true God, or for those who have moved away from Him to come back to His love! John, in Hawai’i I want to be your friend too. If you ever come to NZ you will be most welcome to stay! We are truly ‘lost sheep” who are still VERY WELCOME in God’s fold! I have come to the position that I not only accept I am gay but I am proud to be and glad God allowed me to see this.



Joined in 2008
March 6, 2008, 02:40

HI Denis!

It is nice to hear somebody talk about longing for true worship. That is my heart.

Sounds like Japan is the place to be if your coming out of the closet! 😆 I think it is amazing what you are doing to try and help bridge the gap between gays and the church. Your correct, a lot of the gay community has a negative outlook on the church, and rightfully so. Its sad but true. The church needs to at least attempt to reach out to the gay community, which is why what you are doing is so commendable! Good on you for reaching out and being that; “one Christian Guy that was really nice at the salon the other day”, or “wow, for somebody who has a wife and kids and goes to church, he’s really friendly towards us!” I can just hear them talking now! 😀

Its good to know that if a gay couple does walk into your church someday you will at least be there to welcome them with open arms, genuinely accepting them and not staring at them with judgment and pitty.

Joined in 2008
March 6, 2008, 13:56

Yeah and as far as my experience goes… They didn’t even have to treat me bad or call me names or stare at me weird… shucks… i was dating the pastors daughter… I was golden… and in the closet… that’s the thing that hurt me the most. hearing the perspective of good christian people down talking and condescending upon and condenming a homosexual lifestile… that if they just knew that one part of who i was what i felt inside… that they would turn away from me and cast me away… drop our friendship and fellowship like a hot potato… knowing that is what hurt my heart the most. it would have been great to know that there was a person in that croud that was willing to listen and not condemn and be a friend… who knows… life may have taken a vastly different course had that happened.

Joined in 2007
March 10, 2008, 00:31

Hello Desperate,

I once heard someone close to me make the following statement:

“I was born in the fire and I can never be satisfied with the smoke.”

What they meant was that when you have been a part of the old fashioned Pentecostal way of worship and have known deep and wonderful experiences with the Lord, it is very hard to be satisfied with anything less. There are deep places in God and in the Holy Spirit that cannot be replaced with just form or simple church.

There are many on this site who understand how you feel. What I can tell you is that there is a hunger in the lives of many of our people for the deep moving of the Spirit. Many who have not known a lot of these things are eager to know more. It is quite possible that God can use you to help share some of those blessings with others if you remain humble and allow others the chance to grow. The Holy Ghost does the work, just be a vessel He can use and be patient.

Your story was our story and I deeply appreciate your honesty. It is a blessing to hear those who begin to find their way while they are still young and have strength and life to recover and reach out to others. I have a son who is gay and it has been an incredible journey. There is indeed a study here for gay brothers. Wait until they decide to study gay fathers who have gay sons. That should be a real gas.

Take care and speak what you feel. It will help you and others. God bless you and keep you safe.


Joined in 2008
March 10, 2008, 02:56

Hi Robert!

I love that quote! Its so true! 😉 I really think that there is going to be a true revival that is going to sweep through our community. We just have to keep on combating this mindset that gay people are “sick” or “have something wrong” It is so sad how homophobic the church has been. No wonder the gay community is so hostile towards the church. Its how they have been treated all along. 😥 Its places like this that offer up some hope and understanding though. 😉

Im glad I ‘came out’ when I did! I could have probably lived like that for years, but I could see the inevitable end and I had to do something. I thought, get out of my maraige now, before the kids, and the mortgage and the two cars and all that, and start down the road that I should have been on in the first place. Its the best move I made, my ex wife is already re-married and I am with the love of my life, and we are still in our mid 20’s. I guess thats still pretty young. One of the things I really want to do is help other struggling people just like me, if I could help prevent someone from making the same mistakes I made and save them from all that pain, then all my struggles would be worth it. Thats why I wanted to share my story. I wish I could have come accross a website like this and read a story such as mine or so many other people’s on here 5 years ago!! I cant imagine how different my life would be.

Joined in 2006
March 10, 2008, 09:13

Revival, that would be so awesome throughout the gay community, I know its happening but wow!!!!!!! I reckon it will be like it was with the jews toward the gentiles, the church will see that we are operating in the Holy Spirit and the presence of God will be that evident that they will just have to accept the fact that God accepts us, or something like that 😉

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