Hey guys, this is my basic coming out story…
So I grew up in Durban, South Africa. It's a great place with awesome beaches and mountains! From a young age, though, I knew something was different.
Around primary school and early high school I realised that I liked guys, I was deeply attracted to them. I obviously was VERY scared and wasn't going to be telling anybody in a hurry, especially because I had grown up with a Christian background. At the age of 15 I accepted Jesus into my heart at a surf camp I was on. The surf camp was arranged by Sonsurf (Christian Surfers South Africa), and I later got baptised at North Beach, Durban.
Things were great! Serving God and getting to know Jesus was awesome, but I knew there was something I was hiding and struggling with in the dark. I thought I was demon possessed! I honestly thought there was something wrong with me! I prayed super hard and fasted long. I would cry often at night but I was determined to 'win'.
I ended up telling a couple I really trusted about my 'problem'. In a sense I was confessing my 'sins' because I honestly thought I was battling with a sin and was hoping that bringing it out into the light would help. It didn't, at least with regards to getting rid of my 'sin'.
Time went on and nothing was changing, yet I was stepping it up more in my Christian discipline. Eventually I started to give up on God and was burning out and losing my passion for my saviour. I was really struggling to win this battle and was blaming God and myself. Of course at times you think about taking your life. I am stoked I never got very far with that.
I decided one day to find out more about this homosexuality thing. At the same time I started to learn more about grace and unmerited love. I was blown away by what I discovered. From podcasts to blogs to books I started to figure out that there was nothing wrong with me. In fact I stopped questioning God. I realised that like with Job in the Bible, where was I when the Universe was created?
A long story short I came out to myself and started to reconcile my faith and my sexuality. Grace has helped me fall in love again with Jesus. I decided I was going to come out to my mom. That was a difficult night and I prepared for the worse but she was very gentle and loving, but also very stunned. My mom is now on her journey and she has come a long way. Things were difficult at first because she thought I could possibly change and she was very protective. Now, though, she is fully supportive and even wants to start up her own website to help Christian parents of gay children. She is incredible.
I have since come out to other family and close friends, as well as my pastor – who is also a good friend. I have been given a lot of support and I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the love and understanding. The hard part is still to come though, as tonight I launch my coming out video which will mean I will be out to the world.
I feel like weights have been taken off my shoulders, weights that have kept me down for years. I have indeed won the battle, not in the way I originally planned back when I was alone in the dark. Grace has helped me to win the battle over fear. I only hope to be able to help others win their battles to, so that they can be free to be themselves, and not how others want them to be.
Go to my website http://www.wezflash.com to watch my 'coming out' video and of course to regularly watch my other video blogs etc. Also go to http://www.youtube.com/user/wezflashtv for my channel.
Thanks for listening to part of my story. I feel though as if I am just getting started 😉
Grace and Peace