The journey so far Healing and Forgiveness

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Joined in 2010
July 10, 2012, 20:04


I thought I would share as to where I am at this point in time and how things have changed positively. I am now just on 30 lol(how old) however I do feel having been in Melbourne for 4 years enabled to have different perspective on things such as friendships, relationships ie general human interaction. I was born in Manila Philippines and migrated to SYD 25 years ago. Childhood was fun but also tough. As I am writing this I am a bit anxious because now I feel ready to let go and be more open. I came out just before the gay games in Sydney in 2002 when I was 20 years old. I came out to my parents everything was fine. Although I hated my background as of Asian because I felt more white on outside and inside and was constantly being stereotyped. Unfortunately I was in a wrong crowd more so I thought I would find happiness in changing who I was including bleaching my hair etc. In 2002 I had many friends of various backgrounds mainly caucasians,they were so supportive of me however the damage was done when I heard in clubs more so from their friends friends etc ewwwwwwww why do you hang around rice or yellow fever etc etc really damaging stuff. For many years until 2007 I was so angry and was also at fault because I also displayed overt reverse racism because deep down I was so hurt by all the words that was said directly or indirectly towards me or my fellow brothers and sisters who were of colour and of GLBT backgrounds. I knew this was not an appropriate thing to do display because revenge and malice does not achieve anything.

I started going to F2B in Sydney on their second meeting in 2005 such a small group ( and a long time ago) but I regret not having stayed in touch because looking back the few 10- 12 people who were in the group back then saw me as a person not a culture, religion etc. But I had my own issues I had to go through which is why in late 2007 I came back to F2B a few times but still needed to go on my own journey. in Mid 2008 I was so fortunate to move to Melbourne. I met another Gay Christian male who now I am so good friends with in Collins st baptist church. There was so much healing and prayers I received and the anger and pain I was feeling was because of my negative perceptions of people. I challenged myself and the way I thought about things and once I started to experience positive things I felt the world is not bad after all and there is light after a dark tunnel. I understand people especially gay men will have preferences in terms of relationships or friendships with other gay men. It has taken me along time not to take it personal and the reason why I feel mentally and emotionally better is because everything is not about me and it isnt personal. I was in an interstate function last week I sat next to another gay man around about my age over dinner. Not very friendly, welcoming and very superficial. I must admit I was taken back but there might be reasons other than just race or cultural background and so what if he doesnt like hanging around other gay men in particular of colour it is just his problem not my problem.

To sum up I have grown and experienced so much and absolutely blessed when I came back for the first time in Sydney in 4 years that I felt welcomed and that the majority were very freindly open and welcoming. Why I feel so light is simple its not personal people can choose who they want to interact with my duty is to act with consideration, care and kindness and be respectful. People ie straight, gay , lesbian etc have preferences for all different reasons. However I am just me and moving foward. I am very passionate about GLBT issues particularly of those who come from a CALD background CULTURALLY AND LINGUISTICALLY DIVERSE BACKGROUND. Wherever God places me I am ready for the next journey

Thanks for reading


Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
July 10, 2012, 23:18

Great post, Az. You have learnt so much about yourself and others. And putting pen to paper (well, fingers to keyboard) like above will have been cathartic for you. Remember, when people act strange, the problem is with them, not with you. You and I just don't know what issues they have within. Cya next week. ~ david

Sophia Chokhmah
Joined in 2011
July 11, 2012, 08:45

As forestgrey has said, great post 🙂

Joined in 2012
July 11, 2012, 08:52

Awesome post Azza, and thanks for sharing your story 😛 it's true, life is definitely a journey, and life is certainly not easy, but things get better. My best friend at school, Jonas, was asian, and he was always there for me. In fact, I believe if it weren't for him telling me about an MMORPG game where I could escape to when reality got too painful, I don't think I would be here today because the game I played for 10 years quite literally saved my life.

There will always be people in this world who do not like the truth tellers. It is a hard lesson that I have personally had to learn, and there will always be those who don't like you for whatever reason – but that is a result of their own insecurities. Like it says in the bible, "I send you out as sheep amongst the wolves". To me this perfectly describes the obstacles we will all have to face in life. The shear hatred, and misunderstanding from others in particular, but I take comfort in knowing that no one is perfect, nor does anyone have the right to judge others. Only God is perfect, and only he can judge.

Everyone deserves love and equality, and I treat everyone just as how I would like to be treated. If only the whole world felt this way, it would be a much better place, but we are slowly getting there!

God bless,


Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
July 11, 2012, 20:38

Hi Az

Wow! Good for you in being able to reflect and recognise where you've been and make changes to where you're going. You have the power to be you no matter what others do. And that's fantastic. 🙂

The other thing that comes to mind is that sometimes people seem unfriendly (as you found that guy to be at the function) and it has nothing to do with sexuality or culture. Of course I wasn't there and I don't know the guy you're talking about.. but we never know what fears and inner turmoil that others are battling. And so it may be that he wasn't rejecting you but just dealing with his own stuff.

Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing with us. 🙂


Ann Maree

Joined in 2010
July 12, 2012, 21:54

@Ann Maree

Being bitter just destroyed me. Also it gives the other party power over me. I just think its not personal, it is the other persons problem. As well I have a nice life in another beautiful city with a LOT kinder people. However there are a few in the city I grew up in who are and were so gracious accepting me back thats always nice



Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
September 5, 2012, 10:47

Hi Az,

Welcome to F2B, thanks for sharing the journey you have been on. One can only imagine the racism you have faced in your life. You have done an incredible job of overcoming the effects this has had on your life.

Some people are naturally friendly, some aren't, doesn't mean they have an issue with you. And if they have an issue with you being Asian, that's their problem. If you do find someone isn't friendly towards you don't automatically think it's about you, they might not be friendly people, or they are shy, or takes them a while to open up. There are 101 reason, might not have anything to do with whether or not they have issues with Asian people or LGBT people, so try and not jump to assumptions about them after all we don't like it when people do that to us.

It's great you have reconnected with F2B, they are an awesome group of people 🙂

God Bless

Joined in 2012
September 7, 2012, 19:12

Hi Azza,

With a Half Aussie / Half Asian background I have faced the same as you. Its quite obvious online, however like you I have learnt that its nothing personal against myself.

The one important thing that I have learnt is that I am ME and that there are a lot of people who love ME because I am ME. (this took a long time to figure out)

I have found that when I have the oppunity to speak to people who would have previously had pre-conceptions about my self (in particularly my racial background) that they realise that I don't fit the sterotypes that they have developed in thier minds.


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