I think this is an excellent piece Nicole wrote recently on her facebook. I very much relate to what she shares
The way we were
Sunday, September 6, 2009
When I look back over my life I realise how much I have changed in thought and theology. The journey of life is certainly never boring! And the journey in and of itself, is probably one of the main things God uses to reveal himself to us.
There was a time when I actually thought God was in sensationalism – in the goose bumps, and the atmosphere of certain songs – nowadays I see him far more clearly in the slums and the ordinary.
There was a time when I thought that the mountaintop is the right and nirvana of every Christian – nowadays I see His footprints in the muddy paths of very dark valleys.
There was a time when I thought that I had clearly mastered and understood most major doctrinal truths – nowadays I walk with a lot more contradiction as I face the fact of how little I really know.
There was a time when my god could comfortably fit into a safe box, or on a flannel board, and he would make everyone smile – nowadays I am content to simply recognise that what I worshipped was a god the way I wanted him, not the God who said his ways and thoughts are beyond mine.
There was a time when I thought triumphant victory was the reward of the strong and courageous – nowadays I feel more at home with failure, and a recognition that God is not freaked out by it either (the freaked out god belonged on my flannel board).
There was a time when I thought that suffering was a strange phenomena, now I stand at the foot of a bloody cross and wonder “what the hell was I thinking?”
There was a time when I thought God depended on my prayers, nowadays I continually pray in the face of my own helplessness.
There was a time when I looked for miracles in the supernatural and gobstopping, nowadays I realise every breath of life is a miracle and gobstopping.
There was a time when I thought that friends should be found in the community of the triumphant and all-together ones, nowadays I feel very at home with sinners, mainly because my own sinfulness stares me in the face.
There was a time when I though God had cursed the lepers in our community – nowadays I realise He is the leper that our Christian communities often curse.
Change is painful. Pain causes us to wake up to the matrix, once woken we really don’t want to go back…
Pastor Nicole Conner
Citylife Church Melbourne, Australia