hi.im jeff,an openly gay 36 year old from hobart.i wasnt always openly gay,nor was i as confidant as i am today.i was raised in an isolated part of north west tasmania,went to church,sunday school,knew about the lord,and later believed in christ as my lord and saviour.i also hid a secret.i knew something was different when i started getting crushes on boys,not girls.i kept waiting to ‘discover girls’ but that didnt happen,so i buried that part of me way down.it was easy.most of my life i was told i was ugly,pale or plain,or dumb,so nobody came knocking on my door.i was never close to my family,in fact i was relieved when i finally moved out ,away from them .i was a rejected person,with few friends,little social life,and a poor student.i continued with church,youth group,and all that,albeit half heartedly,and still developed a faith in God.at age 21 i moved to a bigger city(launceston) and a new life,grew up in some ways,not others,continued to be rejected,but soldierd on anyway,and continued to attend church.the first church i joined in launceston was a bit of a cult,with very strange ideas.after 2 years,i gladly left. i still buried my homosexuality deep down,remaining a virgin,sure that was what God wanted for me.i also continued to have mild psychological problems,bouts of loneliness,depression,anxiety,and even when i made new friends,and had new experiences,i was still plagued by them.i also developed physical health problems.i never truly fit in to churches.some people would spread rumours that i was gay,and later,that i would sleep with anything.i was gay,but i was also a virgin.later in my middle twenties i found a church i liked,a pentecostal church,where i settled for three and a half years,grew in the lord,and made decent friends,whom i felt cared about me,and i,them.sadly the church was falling to bits,with leadership squabbles,and power struggles.sensing something bad was going to happen i suddenly felt i had to leave the church,and started attending the small assemblies of god,up the road.within a few months my old church had split in half,and eventually dissolved.meanwhile i spent five years in that assemblies of god,and grew even more both in the lord,and in bible knowledge.that church had very solid biblical teaching.unfortunatly,within that church there were also power struggles,and the pastor had a break down and quit.there were splits in that church,it changed its name and direction several times,and last i heard has totally fallen to bits.again,before it dissolved,i felt i had to leave,so again the lord protected me.in my early 30s,id had enough of my old life,and moved to hobart,tasmania’s capital,where via the net,id already made friends.i havent looked back!ive made good friends here,i have a good life,im now medicated for my mental health issues,and im doing fine.i go clubbing,when i can,go to the gym to sculpt my body,and my outlook is bright.i dont work,but maybe that will come.ive come out as a gay man,no longer ashamed,no longer afraid.most of my friends are gay as well.it seems to have come at the expense of church.i just dont feel like i belong there.i dont broadcast my gayness,but maybe some people can sense it in me,not that i care.im totally over it.admittedly ive had terrible luck when it comes to churches,but im a lot happier than ive ever been.i still love the lord,even tho i no longer want much to do with so called christians.why would i want to be around people who tell you to your face that you cant be gay and be a christian?or that gay people are going to hell,or demonised?i heard that,numerous times.the people saying it had no idea i was gay,it was often just casual conversation.too bad i didnt have the courage to speak up.i would now,but i didnt then.pity really.so thats me,in a nutshell.jeff.
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