G’day everyone. Thanks for your messages and offers of prayer. It’s a nice feeling to know that at least there are some God-fearing people out there who care!
So, parents got the letter just before I went away. When I got home, they were super friendly and greeted me at the door with hugs which was nice.
Mum and I have chatted about it. She was shocked but ok about it – way better than I thought actually. I feel like she wants to chat more about it, but I’ve been slack in following it up.
Dad hasn’t mentioned it once. Mum said that he blames himself and just worries that I’ll change when/if I start telling everyone.
Truthfully, in hindsight, I don’t know whether it was really worth it or not. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I really don’t think i’ll ever experience a relationship with a guy, so what was the reason for even bothering to come out? Did I even need to?
Also still thinking hard about ministry opportunities from this too. I’ve spent the last 4 or 5 years basically hating myself for being gay. Contemplated suicide etc many times and come kinda close, done some minor self-harm and risky behaviour, all because of this one thing. It just seems so pointless – this has basically controlled my life for the past few years, and now you put it all in perspective and it seems so stupid. If it were not for the teaching of the church, and the constant reinforcement that being homo is this “conscious decision to live a life of sin” (which I have not necessarily had taught, but definitely implied), I probably would not have suffered with this burden as I have! But then there must be so many more like me out there, hidden in our churches, feeling completely trapped and isolated by their own sexuality that they are powerless to change – and with no one the turn to for help or advice!! It’s hardly ideal, and we know that it’s certainly not the way God would want it!!! Grrrr, I think i’m getting passionate about this, haha!
Anyway, just a few thoughts. Thanks again.