Querido Jayd,

Ouch. Looks like you’ve got yourself quite a hefty serving on your plate.

Speaking as a former Atheist myself, your cousin sounds like a Nihilist, a (fortunately) rare subtype of Atheist (equivalent to the Apocalyptic Sects of the Abrahamic Faiths) whose anger and self-hate has become so unchecked that is has poisoned them to see life and all humanity as worthless. I’ve dealt with these before, it’s never fun and they can prove to be a nightmarish drain for all those around them. I can see how that would have started to make things difficult. If I may offer a suggestion though? Go easy on your cousin. The anger that Nihilists feel is because of a tremendously low self-esteem and broken self-image. Your cousin was abandoned by his mother. That would break anyone’s spirit. The only way to help him, is to show him that love is real and that he is worthy of it. It will take time, but it will help him heal his deep wounds.

On prayer, respectfully I think both you and your family (at least from what you have described) have missed the point. God is not a dancing bear who will caper for your amusement, nor is he a genie that grants wishes. God is the creator allmighty, maker of heaven and the cosmos, the judge of all souls. Thus, praying to get something misses the point. Prayer is a communication/meditation event. In deep prayer, you open up your mind and soul to the Maker. You offer your thoughts, your fears, your anger and frustration as well as your love to God, and in turn your mind is cleared and sometimes, just sometimes, wisdom comes down from on high. Prayer is a way to step out of the hustle of modern life and to think deeply on issues and to step out of the emotions of the moment (which often cloud our judgment). You think ill of it, but prayer is an invitation to think deeply and meditate on an issue. Perhaps that is what both you and your family need. You say that you would rather trust in people than in “prayer and religion”. Why does it have to be either/or?

In this case, religion is part and parcel with the people you are dealing with. They cannot be separated.

I myself find that people can be weak. People can be cowardly, angry, bitter, self-serving, vapid and rude. But in my life, prayer allows me to separate myself from the angry emotions I feel at the moment, and allow me a time to collect my thoughts and to think rationally about the problem at hand and to ask my Creator for guidance. Sometimes I have to come up with the solution on my own and sometimes the Lord blesses me by opening my eyes to a solution that I would never have thought of. Don’t be so quick to dismiss the power of Prayer. 😉

Now as for your decision to not come out, as much as it pains me to do so, I must agree that this is not the right time. I am not fond of people being forced to hide who they are from their loved ones, but the situation does look like you’ll need a safecracker’s touch. What do I mean by that? Start slow. Discuss churches and groups which advocate for homosexuals and the leadership of gay and lesbian ministers. This’ll put the idea that gay people can be righteous and faithful too in her head and may do a long way to helping her accept you when the time comes.

Keep us posted, Jay!

Yours in Christ,

Raul

Querido Ann,

Good to speak with again as well, my dear sister!

I understand where Jay is coming from. It can be frustrating when people hide themselves through a veneer of false righteousness . My only comment was that he should not let their misuse of it sour his perception of what prayer really is all about.

Yours in Christ,

Raul

Some people just don’t need to know. It is very true. There is more benefit in her not knowing than knowing. It would do us all a big favor just for her not to know.

Hi Jay, This may not be any big consolation but I do know personally that when people cross over to the other side they see love divine. This means your grandmother will know when she crosses over and she will understand and she will see love divine and know that love crosses all boundaries regardless of gender, religious affilation….etc. She will also understand why you may not have told her. Even so go with what you feel is right to do deep down inside…and yes ask the questions look at this from all facets. May wisdom Guide you…Jayindieburg 🙂

Hi JaydWoods,

Welcome to this forum/site of Freedom2be. I had a close relationship with my grandmother almost like my second mother. I decided a long time ago that coming out was not in the best interest of me and my grandmother. I didn’t think she’d cope with all the multi-factors of inner family strifes as well as handling the the news that I’m gay!

I’ve always felt conflicted so what I did was to create a new story to cope with it. My grandmother had heart attack and a stroke ended up at Hornsby hospital and I would go there after work everyday. I’d comb her hair, apply moisturizer, and give gentle massage and quietly pray for her. I’d talk with nan and she would know I was there … It’s no doubt that I was her favorite grandson … I’m being Deaf since birth and my nan joined the Lantern since I turned 10 and was with them fundraising for 30 years to support other Deaf/hard of hearing Children. My family are not exactly “gay” friendly and choose to avoid me which is ok. I’m not that incredibly close to them.

My nan passed away on the night that the two of us were alone. I called upon my grandfather and Jesus to be there. I hummed our last Acker Bilk favorite song “Strangers on the Shore” how so appropriate. As my humming faded my grandmother breath her last. It was it was a surreal moment and I remembered saying “take me with you”. I didn’t want to stay here. … Few days later I’d be driving and this anger came up, I cried and cried. But I never regretted that I did not tell her. Sometimes things are best left alone. I know that and believe she is in a much better place and surrounded by love that she knows my orientation and my partner of 17 years. JaydWoods know yourself and cloak yourself with God’s arrays of love, people who love you as you are including us f2b people. The blessings of God’s love and care will always be with you when you feel anguished, uncertainity and despair. Know this – all those who passed on, and all of us here loves you no matter what decision you come to …go with that knowing.

Hugs with tears

Craig