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Undefined, not undecided...(almost)20yo female

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Figment
 
Joined in 2008
January 13, 2009, 16:00

in fact you will find a thread on here somewhere where we were trying to figure bisexuals out! I’m still clueless I’m afraid Wink We need brave and wonderful people like you to help the world understand.



Hi Sandy, I just had a quick look for that thread but I couldn’t find it, could u pls point me in the right direction?


I agree with you about the ignorance thing. I think the reason why bisexuals are the object of so much prejudice; and why no one can ‘figure them out’ lol, is that everyone lumps them all together as if they’re all exactly the same!:wink: I guess that goes for any type of prejudice. How one person lives their life will be completely different from how another person lives, even if they are part of the same minority group. Sure, I have my faults just like anyone else, but the most common accusations against bisexuals are so non applicable to my life they are just downright offensive to me, though unfortunately (apologies for bluntness); there may be an element of truth in those accusations when applied to some people 🙂



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
January 13, 2009, 17:50

now thats cute


You know whats so frustrating about Anthony? He never ever rises to the bait… like never 😆 😆 😆


Here is my story link. A disclaimer is necessary because you will notice its seven pages long… For the love of all that is good don’t read it all! Just the first post is all you really need. I should probably update it since it was written two years ago and alot has changed for me since then.


http://www.freedom2b.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=3059


I think the reason why bisexuals are the object of so much prejudice; and why no one can ‘figure them out’ lol, is that everyone lumps them all together as if they’re all exactly the same!


I’ve been guilty of this and not just with bisexual women. I went to a drag show a few nights ago (lonnnnnnnnnnnng story) and I was talking to one of the kings saying “So your transgendered right?” and he is like “Oh great anther dumb blonde, no Im not trangendered, I am totally comfortable being a woman and totally comfortable being a man, two sides of the same me” and I’ve gone “Oh… so you just pretend to be a man then…” If looks could kill I’d be dead. 😆 😆 😆


Suffice to say there are alot of different expressions of gender and sexuality that are exposed to ignorance. I was very lucky that I spent enough time with this particular person to see both her and him in different contexts… I’m still not sure I have my head wrapped around it all but I’m getting there. This is why we really do need brave people to explain what it all means to them so that we may be able to understand as well.


Have you heard of Kinsey? You might like to look him up. He invented this sexuality spectrum from exclusivly homosexual to exclusivly heterosexual and suggests that actually, the majority of people fall in the inbetween catagories with varying degrees of attraction to both sexes. Imagine that! 😀



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
January 13, 2009, 18:24

Also, here is the thread I mentioned where we talk breifly and inconclusivly about bisexuality in case you wanted to add some wisdom. The begining on gay teens may also be relevant. 🙂


http://www.freedom2b.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=3670



Figment
 
Joined in 2008
January 13, 2009, 23:48

Thanx for those links Sandy.


I have heard that theory, but I never knew who came up with it! So now I can find out more about it! It makes perfect sense to me, and it contributed to my decision to call myself ‘undefined’ rather than lesbian or bisexual 😉 Most of the people I know who normally claim to be completely 1 way or another have told me things that suggest they aren’t actually as close to 1 end of the spectrum as they claim to be (yet some of them vilify bisexuals 😆 ). I guess this really does make labels misleading 😉



Figment
 
Joined in 2008
January 14, 2009, 00:32


To me, the Bible is inspired by God but written by man, which can make mistakes, so some things might be a bit off centre and culturally biased and even just plain cultural writtings, I stick to Jesus teachings, he is so simple, so even so this is how I view things, I know God is real and knowing that keeps me steady, everything else could suddenly vanish but that would always stay and that he DOES love me. 😉


I guess maybe that’s what Jesus meant when he said “I am the way, the truth and the light” 😀 I’ve learned that God will always be there and always love us all, but that seems to be all I can be sure about. I guess I’m afraid that any belief I settle on concerning Jesus, the bible etc will be more about fear of hell than what i genuinely believe. Most things I’m starting to feel at peace about, but I’m still working that one out 😉



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
January 14, 2009, 07:12

I think thats one journey that we are always working out but yes thank God for Jesus who was sooo unreligious. 😉 I wish he would just “pop in” every once in a while and say ” hey guys, its ok, just chill 😀 “



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 14, 2009, 18:06

I went to a drag show a few nights ago (lonnnnnnnnnnnng story) and I was talking to one of the kings saying “So your transgendered right?” and he is like “Oh great anther dumb blonde, no Im not trangendered, I am totally comfortable being a woman and totally comfortable being a man, two sides of the same me” and I’ve gone “Oh… so you just pretend to be a man then…” If looks could kill I’d be dead. 😆 😆 😆


LMAO………its a gift you have Sandy….a way with words 😆 😆 😆 If there is a bull around you’ll wave a red flag ROFL.


I’m still wondering how come with all your study and all your contact with the community that you didn’t realise that


“Oh… so you just pretend to be a man then…”


was soooooo offensive.


Never mind….we live and learn. It was only a few years ago that I actually discovered there were intersex people in the world. I’d never heard of it or met one that I knew of. And I would have had no way of telling you the differences between a transvestite, transgendered person, transsexual, drag queen or king…….sorry…..I’m showing off now aren’t i? 😆 😈



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
January 14, 2009, 21:29

Figment: Kinsey and I have a love/hate relationship… or rather I have a love/hate relationship with Kinsey… he doesn’t have one with me… that would be weird. Anyway I digress, again. There is a DVD out aptly called Kinsey which may be of interest to you it’s a movie so big on the entertainment value and low on the boring BBC documentory style education. Its probably worth a look at and its got “lets talk about sex” on the cover, so really its hard to miss. 😆 😆 😆


AVB: I knew you’d get me back for that girl comment at some point… seems this is it 😆 😆


Obviously it was a stupid thing to say, as soon as it came out of my mouth I realised it could have been offensive. The situation would have gone completly down hill but I started making jokes about how perfect it would be if we dated. He could be a man to satisfy the Christian stipulation and a woman in the bedroom where it counted… that way everyone is happy. I’m pretty sure he thought I’d gone completly insane and mumbled something abut how I shouldn’t be allowed out in public but my crazy sense of humour seemed to save the day and he cracked a smile eventually.


Of course then I just had to ask a million questions. What pronoun do you use? Do you go to work as a woman one day and a man the next? Isn’t that confusing for people? How do you decide in what situations you will be a man or woman? How do you have sex? Are you interested in guys or girls? If, when you are a man, you sleep with another man is that gay or heterosexual? Why not just be a butch lesbian, why claim manhood in such a dominant way? and on and on and on… I don’t have a stop button.


You know sometimes you meet brilliant people with ten PhD’s and no common sense? I think I’m one of those 😆 😆 I could rattle off definitions and stats for all the different gender and sexuality types you mentioned but when it comes to interacting with them I tend to speak first and think later. I’m working on it, I used to be much, much worse if that is even possible.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 15, 2009, 20:10

lots of questions Sandy…….my my….and all valid. I’ve done similar things. Ive had tansgender clients……and some sex workers (heterosexual) sometimes I wanted to know stuff to help me understand their situation.


Some people like to talk about things…..others are obviously fed up with being asked the same personal question over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Like the person in a wheel chair that every time they meet someone new they ask them…..so how did you end up in a wheelchair?


I’ve talked with some post op transgender people who, after a couple of genuine questions about their life……it was obvious they no longer wanted to talk about the previous life as another gender or the process of transition. The new life as their true self was all they wanted to talk about. Fair enough.



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
January 15, 2009, 20:34

It probably would have made more sense if I’d mentioned that I know Taylor the female *side* of her very well, we used to kiss alot 😳 😆 😆 When I went to this show he (Tate) came up to me and started chatting about how some of the *women* were sexy and isn’t that weird because logically you know that biologically they aren’t women and we got discussing whether it was *lesbian* to think a man dressed as a women is sexy or if its heterosexual.


So anyway, then he looks at me and says “You don’t reciognise me at all do you?” and I’m totally clueless so he explains. Realising my highschool crush was a man kind of freaked me out which probably accounted for my stupid responce. Lucky for me he has already had some experience with the fact that my brain is rarely connected to my mouth so I was forgiven.


Also lucky was the fact that we talked for hours about all the questions I asked and more, perhaps even more personal that you don’t post on a public forum 😆 😆 😆 I only mentioned it as an example which is why I didn’t add all that at the time.


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