Water Baptism

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Joined in 2012
July 29, 2012, 20:10

Hey guys

I just got water baptised a few hours ago. I was really nervous but the only bad things that happened in the end were the slippery steps leading into the warm pool (they had 33 people baptised tonight so the steps got real wet), and me hitting my head against the hand drying machine which was protruding off the wall and out of sight of my peripheral while getting changed.

I really wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit, though I haven't received any words from God in my entire life, and I don't feel any different after being baptised. I know I have changed in terms of burying my old life and sin behind, but I guess I just hoped for something more. To hear God / Jesus / the Holy Spirit etc. Maybe it's just my expectation, but I keep praying religiously every night and never hear anything back. It's depressing and I don't want to say this, but it makes me doubt.

I still wonder if the people in the church I was baptised at would truly accept me if I was gay, I still question why I have never heard a voice or words of wisdom from God / Jesus / the Holy Spirit, I have no friends in real life (they all went their seperate ways after finishing school and we never ended up keeping in contact), I feel so alone, I feel like I'll never be good enough for the guy I one day meet in my life. I think I'm just extremely frustrated, lonely and depressed.

I suppose what I'm asking you guys is 'what does being water baptised mean to you and would/did you have any expectations as to what it brings?' Also, how come I am not able to hear the voice, or words of wisdom from God / Jesus / the Holy Spirit? Sometimes I feel like I'm talking/praying to the air when I don't receive a reply. Do I need the Holy Spirit baptism to get answers? I'm so lost and confused…

Thanks in advance guys <3


Joined in 2011
July 29, 2012, 21:30

Hi Jordan –

wow – a lot of big questions here in your post – and what a big night you have had too.

I had a few immediate responses in my mind as i read your post – so in no particular order….

It's an interesting space here at f2be to pose your question about water baptism. This strikes me as being a very diverse (in more ways than one!! πŸ™‚ ) community – and within that beautiful diversity there are people from a range of church and non church backgrounds – and with that a fairly wide range of theological perspectives. So I guess in posing your question you will have to sift through a similarly diverse range of views about water baptism.

So… for what it's worth – my perspective and thoughts:

– In taking the decision to be water baptised – I can only assume that you were taking a step of faith, of commitment and a willingness to "do" something else to affirm your beliefs and love for God in a public forum. Putting aside the various theological perspectives about whether or not water baptism is compulsory/necessary/an optional extra or whatever – my gut feeling is that is that the God that loves us and knows us – also knows your intent…. so I am sure that God loves and recognises your decision to be baptised.

– Tough questions about "hearing from God" – yep I sure know that one πŸ™‚ I truly don't think there's an easy reply to that question and longing. I could trot out a whole lot of cliches like "God always answers… but maybe not how we expected… " but I know how dissatisfying this is as an answer. I do however think that there is some truth in the the notion of "hearing God" in all number of ways. Not sure if this will help you, but instead of expecting God/Jesus/Holy spirit to be revealed by my earnest prayers or actions (which I still at times tend to think will work… silly me!) – I have found it helpful to thank God for revealing himself in the beauty of nature, in a beautiful piece of music, in a day that goes right, in the conversation with a stranger or friend… in the emotions I feel when I connect with a loved pet… in words of wisdom spoken by another. I really believe that our loving God is in fact very interested in our day to day lives – and that perhaps there are "answers" (even if they are not actually answers to my questions) in what may seem very ordinary things.

— Do I think water baptism is necessary for these answers or necessary in order to hear from God – straight up…. no I don't. However – do I think God was watching you and loving your desire and intent tonight … yes I do.

– all that said…. yep… there are many things I'd like answers to… many things I'd like to see changed in my life… many hurts and disappointments I put before God… and yes it's sh***tty.. but I think this is just part of being human. And perhaps we can't truly appreciate the joys of life if we haven't experienced the sorrows – a cliche perhaps… but I take some comfort in that. Yes I too at times say "God!!! where are you in this???" but it helps me to get out of that space if even while I'm in it – i can say thanks to God that he's part of a bigger picture… or thanks for the beautiful sunshine… thanks for a beautiful meal…. etc.

I am sorry that you have doubts and sadness about "being good enough" for a future partner. I am sorry that you question the acceptance of those at your church of you if they knew you were gay. The worry of being "good enough" can be emotionally exhausting. I think we expect more of ourselves than God actually does. Remember Jordan that God is a God of mercy and of love. We people (me included) love to focus on the judgement of God… at the expense of the great love and mercy.

I have had some very good people lend me books over the last year that aim at helping me to focus on a God that loves rather than a God that is ever judging. This has helped me to begin to be a bit kinder on myself.

Anyway – enough from me – you are in my thoughts and prayers. And I for one will be saying thank you to God for your baptism tonight (bumped head and all) πŸ™‚


Joined in 2012
July 30, 2012, 03:41

I totally agree with Sarab on the fact that posting a question like that here would probably give you a very wide spectrum of answers and that it might be a bit difficult for you to find the "right" one atleast for yourself..

So lemme share what I think/know/experienced in my life…

I think that the baptism by water is just an outward sign of an inward change thats happened in you or a step of faith that you take, and it doesnt necessarily involve in a "feeling different" emotionally.. I've heard that some people feel filled and other feel empty and still others (just like you) dont feel anything at all.. Something that I believe that many christians (including myself) do wrong is to base our relationship with God on "feelings" that if we pray and we feel God's presence then we are satisfied… which is not a bad thing but there are times we need to still keep pressing on when we dont feel or hear anything at all …

Just like the Parable of the Widow and the Judge that Jesus said.. even though the widow didnt get an answer from the judge she continued to plead her case. What I would like to encourage you is to continue to plead your case before God and personally I believe that God cares so much for you and that in HIS right time He will reveal Himself to you..This is by no means an easy task and right now ur situation of feeling lonely makes it more tough for you.. but know that we are love you and are here for you anytime..

As for the subject of if the people would accept you or not…. I think people like you and I need to find God for ourselves and its always difficult at churches when people dont accept us.. cause its only us who know the battles we go through trying to reconcile our faith and our sexuality.

You said that you feel that you might never be good enough for the guy u will meet in future… I'd like to say a few things about that.. During past days when I posted my question you wrote and shared so much and I was so touched by the support you extended to me (someone you'd never met, never saw, and could have been just someone playing around). You have such a big heart Jordan and im sure not one buy many guys would fall for that.. The next thing is that… try n appreciate yourself more and if there are things that you dont like about yourself that can be changed slowly work on them….for me my weight has always been a problem.. even though ive never been overweight I always considered myself to be fat.. so I slowly started going to a gym and tried to work on that… today I still dont have abs or a buff body but i feel better about myself cause I know that im making an effort.. maybe that would help for you too…

What water baptism meant for me.. Well… I decided to give my life to Jesus when I was in my teenage years (12 or 13 i guess) since then my best friend and I have been pushing each other to strive harder to improve our relationships with God.. I started speaking in tongues and the work of the Holy Spirit became clear in my life even before a water baptism… but there was once when my best friend went to this particular pastor who taught him how after peter/paul/the ealy disciples baptized ppl in the book of acts the gifts of the Holy Spirit manifested after which the pastor baptized him and he spoke in tongues for the first time… so my best friend and I decided that he would baptize me and we did it in the sea… but before we did the actual baptism my best friend sat me down and ran me through everything that the pastor had taught him and when we prayed that was when I consider myself to have received the baptism of the Holy Spirit where the words of tongues changed and I felt something I cant actually put to words.. after which we went in to the sea and my best friend baptized me… I knw that many traditional christians would not approve of this but im just sharing wht has happened in my life.. So as I said I believe that the water baptism is just an outward sign and the real baptism we all need is the baptism of the Holy Spirit that for some happen both at the same time and for others at two different times…

Just like John the baptist said " I baptize you with water, but there will come One who will baptize you with fire" we need that baptism of fire…

I will be praying for you… and being here for you…


Hope this helps you in someway…. πŸ™‚

God Bless you


Joined in 2012
July 30, 2012, 06:13

Awww <3 thanks guys!

My reasons for the water baptism were to bury my old life and sin behind and take the next step in my faith. Though I never realized it was also a public declaration (and there were about 200 people there). Something one of the pasters at the church a while back said was "some people may not feel any different when baptised, but there's something spiritual that we cannot physically see, that goes on when you come out of the water", like leaving your old life behind etc. so I'll try to take comfort in that πŸ˜€ and who knows, maybe I will feel different when I one day get baptised in the Holy Spirit?

It's a pretty difficult question I admit, and perhaps I should have worded it differently. I think I will take away bits from answers that speak to me personally, so I can form my own conclusion of what being water baptised means πŸ˜€

Thanks for saying I've got a big heart Amila πŸ˜€ It's funny you mention that because in my final school year book, we were all given a title and what the other students think we would become in our life. They all said I had a "big heart", and that I would own a chain of bakeries (that one is not going to happen though, ha ha), and despite how I was treated at school from others because of my weight, I was amazed and overwhelmed they would say something like that.

Speaking of weight, I'm continuing to drop more. It's my goal to get down to 80-85kg. At my heaviest I was 118kg (I know, I know – but trust me I tried a lot of things), but as of a couple days ago, I finally started seeing double digits πŸ˜€ I'm now 98.4kg (lightest I've ever been apart from when I trained with this personal trainer guy 'Gavin' who got me down to 99kg), so it's just the beginning of a new me. I've never seen my skinnier, sexier self, so I plan on seeing that hopefully within a year. They say it takes about 6 months to drop a good chunk of weight, but I am patient.

I try to look in the mirror everyday and say positive things, and there are some positives, like my straight button-shaped nose, and my perfectly round ear lobes, but at the end of the day all I say to myself is "still fat". I really am my own worst enemy sometimes, and it's strange how I can say it to myself, yet if someone else says it in public, it's offensive to me? I guess it's because it confirms the fact, I don't know. It's like I'm allowed to put myself down or something :-/ and that's not healthy. I think like you guys said, I need to reassure myself in a positive light. There was this interview with Lady Gaga and she said everyday she spends 5 minutes (she tried 15 but it was too much) saying positive things about herself in the mirror. I like that. I think that's something I can do. Perhaps write a gratitude list and repeat it to myself everyday.

Thanks for all the help guys <3


Joined in 2012
July 30, 2012, 06:45

Water baptism is an outer symbolic act that gives witness to the new birth within, that's all. I didn't feel anything either. Our walk of faith isn't based on feelings or revelations from God, you took a step for God, that's all you needed to do. Mother Teresa before her death asked that her personal papers be burned, they weren't, and what those papers said rattled the world. She wrote how she stopped praying because she felt God wasn't listening, she even called Jesus "The Absent One." Now the question is what happened? Her life was the ultimate example of "loving God with all your heart and loving your neighbor as yourself," the fruits of her life proved that. If anyone should have felt the presense of God in their life, it should have been her. I don't think she ever got the answers from God she wanted while she was alive, the answers had to wait until she was in Glory, answers I'm sure she couldn't wait to ask. Paul says we see through a glass darkly, so much is dark and un-clear to us Jordan, but know one thing, our God who knows the hairs on our head, knows the deepest depths of our heart not known even to us. That same God that exploded a universe into existance, loves you as His child and promised He'd care for you. Have confidence in that Jordan, even when you only get silence in return.

Joined in 2012
July 30, 2012, 09:47

Thanks RQC!

A few months before I came out to my parents I kept praying to God saying something along the lines of 'God you say we are all your children, but society tells me I am an abomination and that I'm going to hell for being gay. I've felt like this my entire life though, I always felt different, I've tried changing, I've even prayed for change, but nothing will change me, and I'm starting to think that maybe this is who I am. Surely I am still one of your children and surely you still love me?'

It wasn't until I came out to my parents that I felt a sense of peace and grace. I felt liberated and this heavy/sinking feeling in my heart lifted after almost 10 years struggling with my sexuality and faith. At that point I realized God still loved me, and it was just the shear ignorance and intolerance from people in society who don't understand unconditional love, and that we were born this way. So really, when I came out, that prayer was answered despite not getting any voice or words in that sense.


Water baptism is an outer symbolic act that gives witness to the new birth within

I think that sums up water baptism perfectly πŸ˜€

Joined in 2012
July 30, 2012, 10:10

RQC I have to say well done! I just love how u summed up everything in that little paragraph.. nice work! πŸ˜€

Jordan.. see my point is proved hehehe… πŸ˜€ you do have a big heart.. hehe.. you seem to be feeling better than yesterday and hope you really do feel better and loved by everyone…

Well done on coming down to double digits.. Keep at it im sure you'll get to where you want to go soon… Something my dad used to make me memorize was this

"If you think you can, YOU CAN"

It didnt make much sense when I was younger but now it does.. its alot to do with our mindset I think… once we manage to change our negative mindset to a positive one… things start falling into place…

God Bless you


Joined in 2012
July 30, 2012, 11:16

Thanks Amila! Yup I'm feeling much better today.

once we manage to change our negative mindset to a positive one… things start falling into place…

I think that's something I need to work on, perhaps the gratitude list thing will help me πŸ˜› I will start writing a list of what I am grateful for and write down some positive things to change my negative mindset!

Thanks again everyone,


Joined in 2012
July 30, 2012, 11:20

I hear you Jordan. If I left my sexuality and faith to what others thought, I'd be majorly screwed.

This is my own testimony, if you're curious:


I use the least words I can to drive a point home, I hate yappy, maybe it's my short attention span…what's this place again???

Joined in 2012
July 30, 2012, 14:23

Quote from RQC on July 30, 2012, 11:20 am

I use the least words I can to drive a point home, I hate yappy, maybe it's my short attention span…what's this place again???

Its awesome that you do that… I dont really understand what u meant by what's this place.. are you asking about this site? If so this is a site thats open to anyone LGBT straight alike.. we share stories ask questions regarding faith… etc… Im a rather new member here.. this site is what helped me reconcile my faith and sexuality… πŸ™‚ Hope I've answered you..

God Bless


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