Hi Jordan

You're welcome! Do you have strategies you use or supportive people you can talk with to help with the negative emotions?

Of course we're here in any way we can be but it's limited what we can do so good to have in-person supports.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hey Jordan

You said:

I might have a Concept 2 rower by the end of the week too, so if that happens I'll be over the moon and it will give me something to look forward to.

What's a Concept 2 rower?

Are you in the states? What about googling for gay Christians in your area and seeing what you find? A local LGBTI switchboard might also be able to link you with a local support group or gay friendly church too.. Would those be of interest to you? Apart from that, seeing a counsellor might help.. we all need a bit of support from time to time, and although counselling is not for everyone, I've certainly found it very beneficial to work through things with a non judgmental professional.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Jordan

And nope, not from the USA, I am from New Zealand. I'm not really ready for socialising just yet. I find myself wanting to run when there's too many people around me, I don't know why, I find it quite overwhelming – maybe it's my personality/temperament? In terms of a counsellor too, the last one I went to at school treated me like a mental patient, telling me it was my fault for not having more than 1 friend etc. so I probably won't go down that road (last thing I need). I think I'll continue reading the bible and such.

I'm really sorry you had that experience with the counsellor at school. This is not how a good counsellor should behave. Counsellors are meant to be non judgmental and help you feel supported and good about yourself, like a coach working together with you to make your life better. How would you feel about reaching out over the phone to someone at an LGBTI phone line or gay friendly church and talking one to one with someone? Not socialising as such, just allowing yourself to be open to someone over the phone or in person. One small step at a time.. Some churches have pastoral care workers who will come to your house. And there are community organisations that have outreach workers who do home visits..It just occurs to me that if you don't do something different then things will likely stay the same. But then maybe you want things as they are… How does that sit with you?

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Jordan

A few thoughts from me for what they're worth…

in your last few posts you have used words like "negative emotions", "feeling depressed" and about NZ just bringing "sadness". You have had a pretty big couple of months – just coming out to your parents very recently – so no wonder these types of feelings are circulating.

I agree with Ann Maree that cousnelling may not be for everyone – I too have taken great support and advice from the online community of f2be. However, one of the best things I have done is to couple this with face to face counselling.

I really liked what Ann Maree said to you here:

..It just occurs to me that if you don't do something different then things will likely stay the same. But then maybe you want things as they are… How does that sit with you?

For me Jordan – I discovered that by "doing something different" – that things have indeed started to change. I actually "worked against type" (my type 🙂 ) by going to a counsellor, by logging onto f2be, by visiting a gay friendly church… ,it has been a scary, challenging and at times confronting ride – but my taking the plunge has begun to see a shift in my life.

You mentioned that seeing a counsellor might "only make things worse" – I am wondering why this might be? I agree – counselling might bring up difficult and challenging, painful stuff – but I have come to believe that only by pulling it out and facing it… can we ever be truly free of or at least comfortrable with it – does that make sense?

Anyway, my words are not meant to sound bossy – I hope they don't. I really just wanted to encourage you to have a think about whether talking with someone else – might be of some assistance.

Take care,

Sarab x

Thanks guys 😛 I read a whole book today (185 pages – new record!) and it really helped me. 'The Best Question Ever' by Andy Stanley. I highlighted all the points that have helped me personally and am going to start writing these down to reinforce some positivity in my life 🙂 it was such a good book in fact that I couldn't put it down and was up till 4:55 am, still reading it till the last page. It's now 6:25am and I couldn't get to sleep – so here I am 😛 though a wheatgrass drink probably didn't help last thing at night – I think it has something in it that keeps you awake :-/

But I digress…

The book really helped me in finding some clarity in what I want in life and how to start making steps to get there. I'm a lot more positive than a few days ago that's for sure. Thanks for the continued support <3

~Jordan