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When a brother in Christ questions your sexuality

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Amila
 
Joined in 2012
June 18, 2013, 16:16

Hello Everyone,


Recently I came out to one of my close friends who is like a very close elder brother to me. I've shared about many of my earlier struggled and he's given me so much emotional support. So after praying I felt that it was okay to come out to him. So yesterday I was talking to him about different coming out vids I watched on youtube and he told me that he needs to talk to me about all this another time, that our main motive in life should be to become like Jesus etc… I will be talking to him one of these dayz.


My biggest fear is because of something that happened in the past, my best friend of 8years doesnt even talk to me anymore because of my sexuality. Im jusht vry nervous that it might happpen again…


Is there any thing I should keep in mind when I talk to hiim? Anythin I should avoid?


Thanks!

Amila

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
June 23, 2013, 11:50

Hi Amila

I might be wrong but it sounds as if your friend (the one you haven't come out to yet) is avoiding the topic. It sounds as if he is uncomfortable with it and therefore not likely to be supportive of you. How does that seem to you? And do you need to come out to this person?

I would suggest it's best to come out to those who give positive cues as they are more likely to provide support and affirmation to you. It's also good to assess your reasons for coming out to certain people, and whether you need to come out to them and in which order. It helps to come out to positive people especially when you are in the early process of coming out in order to build supports and a sense of confidence.

I hope that helps.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Amila
 
Joined in 2012
June 23, 2013, 17:31

Thanks for the reply Ann Maree… I've already come out to him… He knows about me… but he wants to talk to me and listen to my story… Im just not sure where it will lead… so im a bit worried as to what I should tell him and what I shouldnt when ever we sit and talk…


Thanks for the advice.. 🙂

ShadowBoxer
Moderator
Joined in 2005
June 24, 2013, 20:12

Hi Amila


If you are already out to him – the question to ask is why do you need to talk to him more ?

What is you aim and goal ? What are you trying to acheive ?

Are you clear on that in your own mind ? Is the conversation for you or for him ?


My suggestions – (for what they are worth) are to give him plenty of time.

It can take people some time to process this information and sometimes (and of course you are there) the best way is toi just dribble the information

Let them see you are the same person. That you havent grown horns and a tail and arent carrying around a trident (even if only mataphorically)

Keep things the same

If they ask questions – answer them – but is there a need to have a discussion on your timetable ? (and there maybe – but if there isnt – I would let them have time)


Every one is different – but some people will just ask little questions and then back away for a bit and process that – thats all they can take at a time – but their attitudes change gradually. Others want the big Deep and Meaningful. I suggest let them choose which works for them…. that way – they can lead the conversation(s) to where they need it to go ….


That may not meet your needs – but if you can give them some time I would….



Amila
 
Joined in 2012
June 24, 2013, 21:44

Thanks for the reply Shadoboxer… He was the one who said that he needs to listen to my story one day… he said that he wants to talk to me about all of this.. He said it once earlier and nothing happened.. so yeah I've decided that im not gonna initiate a conversation thats directed in that way.. and most probably he'd just forget about it all.. and we'll never have the conversation about this… I was just wondering what things I should be careful "IF" we do have the conversation..


I've been following the same things that you've suggested.. making sure he sees me as the same person, treating him the same way… and there is absolutely no tension between the two of us.. which is a really good thing… 🙂


So I guess I should stop worrying about this and just give him time so that he can approach me and ask questions on his own time if he wants to… 🙂


Thanks again…

Amila


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