My name is William. I came out when I was 27. I am now almost 35. The last eight years have been an interesting time in my life and not necessarily happy ones. I have spent most of my life in Brisbane, Australia and have been living in Sydney for the last three years.
I have battled depression since my twenties, probably even as far back as my teens. I was not happy at high school. Most of my twenties, I wanted to die.
When I was 27, and was finally getting counselling, the nature of my sexuality became evident.
In my high school years, I had gone to a very conservative Wesleyan Methodist church. The whole don’t drink/dance and don’t listen to secular rock’n’roll was very widely taught by our very conservative minister. I literally believed that rock’n’roll was of the devil. To protect one’s virginity was also very widely pushed. The effect of this on me, as a teenager was to bury my sexuality, not listen to rock and in general not be able to relate to other youth. I very much became a loner at school and church.
Of course, I did have some good times at school and that Wesleyan Church but in the end, in my twenties, I came out very burnt and dejected.
My late teens and twenties, consisted of attempts to study, work, unemployment, and feeling totally gutted about life and having no idea about what I really wanted.
I came to the day I wanted to commit suicide but called my best friend and my mum, and just cried over the phone to them.
Three years ago, I moved to Sydney. There were many reasons for this. I live at Fairlight next to Manly. I do not have any close gay friends. I go to church at Fairlight where overall I am accepted for being who I am. I am openly gay at church and at work.
I do still battle depression. I was getting some counselling up until recently, until I started full time work.
I am more at terms with my sexuality. In fact I am feel like a 15 year old teenager who thinks naughty things about every cute guy I see at the moment.
I guess, I want prayer for my future. I think I would like to do something with music. I play guitar and bass. I have just started bass lessons. I also think about acting, but I will wait a bit about that. One thing at a time.
I would like some REAL friends. Gay and straight. I would like to meet the right guy one day. I would like to live in England. I would like a family one day, with a husband though! and not a wife. He hee.
Just a lil message from me.