I’m taking this tangent slightly further. To me, ‘out’ is simply the stage where I’m not hiding anything.

I think this is a great definition.

I mention it IF AND WHEN IT’S RELEVANT, or to correct a wrong assumption that I’m interested in girls. I don’t feel the need to insert it in every conversation… but if something in a conversation prompts me to think about it, then I will generally mention it.

I say ‘generally’ because there are some people/conversations where I probably wouldn’t insert it in the conversation unless it’s a significant point. I don’t want my sexuality to distract from the main topic of conversation. But that’s not arising from a fear about the person knowing. I’m just not in the mood to shove it into their face!

Hi Oakley

Nice to have you here. Welcome!! It’s quite a process and no easy thing to go through and totally up to the individual as to when and if they come out. You’re right – how you feel emotionally is a good thing to consider.

Sandy also raised some good points too about the degree to which we come out and how we define that. I also think that one’s style of coming out depends on personality type. I’m out to close family and friends but only to one work colleague. I’d like to be more open at work but they’re an odd bunch and I don’t trust them with a number of things let alone something as important and personal as that. Someone recently asked me about my partner and I didn’t correct the assumption that the other half is male. I felt uncomfortable not being truthful but even more uncomfortable at the thought of declaring in a big group, as it was, “Oh actually he’s a she!”

I also wore one of my favourite lesbian T shirts (usually reserved for gay events) on 2 occasions, once to the gym and the other to a local cafe. I was mortified at the responses I received, not insulting, in fact to the contrary. But the attention embarrassed me and I regretted wearing it in those contexts. I really am quite a shy introvert. 😳

Ann Maree

I would want to be ‘out’ before I entered into a relationship to be honest.

If I would like someone enough to enter into a relationship with them, and they would like me enough to want to be in a relationship with me, then they deserve the dignity of me being honest about them to those I love.

While I would want to be out if I had a partner, even then it would only be on an “as needs” basis. ie only out to those who need to know.

My greatest concern would be the workplace. I have seen gays passed over for promotion, particularly when the more senior position involved significant staff responsibilities at senior management levels. They make not call it discrimination, but it still happens.

It needs a lot of wisdom. Coming out generally is not necessarily a good idea.

Whilst I agree that for personal reasons, coming out is not necessarily a good idea as it can bring with it workplace / career limitations, I do however think that NOT coming out is a massive disservice to every GLBT person. The more we’re out, unashamed, and unapologetic for being true to who we are, the less people will feel justified in their out-dated prejudiced opinions. Can u imagine if every GLBT person in the workplace came out..? how that would totally transform how we’re viewed.. stigmas and stereotypes that would be shattered? Food for thought.

Here is another tangent. I lived with my ex partner for 12 years. Neither of us were out..or so we thought. Since the relationship has broken up I have learned that everyone considered it as a gay relationship anyway. He would be horrifed but it was him that they suspected, not me. I am comfotable now with the whole issue but I am still comfortable with making that committment. i have no shame and am not hiding anything. I understand what it is to be out but for me right now, I will let people be my judge. Oh hec what did I just say!