While I’m not closeted now, I did want to make a contribution to this.

One of the motivating factors for coming out to my parents was that I wanted to let them know I might bring a boy home BEFORE there was a specific boy to be brought home.

I didn’t want the coming out process – about my personal sexuality – to become tangled up with issues about a person I was in a relationship with. To me that would create the risk of that person being ‘blamed’ for my sexuality, or otherwise being seen as somehow causing me be to gay.

I guess what I’m saying is that I deliberately wanted to avoid the question posed ever coming up!

While I always previously envisioned that I’d be coming out before finding a guy, I think that finding a guy may actually be the catalyst I need to get it done. I certainly don’t feel the need to tell them while I am still single – it would be potential awkwardness for no tangible gain right now.

It’s an interesting scenario isn’t it … if we did find ourselves a partner, then I think there is a very strong incentive to come out of the closet to show support for the one we want to be with … assuming that they are also out … although if they’re not, what happens when both partners are closeted? Is that really a healthy relationship?

can you imagine me having a relationship with a guy in the closet…….. 😆 😆 😆 😆

Ummm … let me think about that one … most probably not 😆 😆 😆 Nope, definately can’t imagine you dragging a closet around 😛

On a serious note though, I think that if you are closeted (for whatever reason), you have every right to expect that there is someone out there for you … I know by personal experience that there is the temptation to start thinking that there’s something wrong with you and you’re not worth the effort … I guess it comes back to our sense of self-esteem etc and having the courage to step out of our comfort zone …

Would you come out of the closet if you had a partner and/or were in a committed relationship?

This is kind of a tangent of this question but relevant I think.

I consider myself to be “out” in the sense that everyone who is important to me and has some kind of a stake in knowing that information does. Nor do I have a problem with dancing and being affectionate with women in public. But I don’t tell everyone. Most of the people I work with have no idea for example. I think there are different levels of “outness” and people place different amounts of importance in it. I know, for example, that AVB mentions to cab drivers that he is gay if the topic of relationships comes up (that anecdote is on here somewhere so I hope he doesn’t mind me retelling it), for AVB its a natural consequence of living an authentic life. Personally, I wouldn’t do this because it simply doesn’t bother me if complete strangers think I’m straight.

So when we talk about being out or being closeted I think it’s worthwile to delve a little into what those two concepts actually mean when played out in everyday life. Does being out necessarily mean that you tell everyone at the slightest provocation, wear gay and lesbian T-shirts and march in the mardi gras or is there some middle ground? What about people who have come out to a select few (like a lot of people here who have come out online for the first time) are they really closeted?

Not closeted, but am going to offer 2 bobs.

I’m taking this tangent slightly further. To me, ‘out’ is simply the stage where I’m not hiding anything – although there isn’t much of a practical difference since I’m not effeminate. I’ve taken to a rainbow wristband lately instead – no comments so far from church or uni Christians, although there were eyes in its directions. 😛 Personally I think the best thing where I was is to jump straight to the end goal of “it’s not an issue” – then come back and talk about it.

As to the relationship:

– Definitely “come out”. I’d like to take my boyfriend to church, no second thoughts. I don’t think I’ll ever be offended by being kicked out or verbally abused…

– If it’s okay, we’ll go about church-visiting together.

– My parents will adjust, I believe. The extended family might be more interesting… it could merely mean that I stay away from them.