hello shotgun87….we do welcome you to our forum.

I’d like a dollar for everytime I’ve said “I dont want to be gay anymore” I’m sure there are many of this forum who also used to think the same.

Today though I feel very very differently. I have no issue with my sexual orientation. its who I am….and I accept that.

Sometimes people get the gay scene and the gay community mixed up. The ‘gay scene’ can be quite a treacherous place. Substance abuse, fulfilling brief sexual encounters etc can make it very empty. Just the same as in certain subcultures in the heterosexual world.

Many of us have also experienced that but found outside of the party/club/sex scene……there are wonderful people.

Sounds like you might be mixing in the wrong circles.

Hey Shotgun,

The only person who is ever likely to preach at you on here is me, and we have already established that I’ll try not to do that 😆 It’s tough but I’ll give it my best shot. I think I have done ok so far.

The wonderful thing about F2b is the space it gives people to explore aspects of their lives, their faiths and their sexuality with other people who have gone through the same thing and can offer empathy and love. While no one person or community is going to fix your problems the support on offer can make the road less harrowing.

I look back at all that has happened to me, the things I have been through and the decisions I have made and I have few regrets. I wouldn’t take it back, I wouldn’t want a do-over because it is the past that shapes my present and enables me to look towards the future. I am the person I am today because of my experiences and I know that I will be able to face what lies in the future because of the strength getting through those bad times has given me.

Bad experiences suck big time, but they are more often than not the foundations for greater learning. Necessity is the mother of all creation and through the need to get out of bed every morning and face the day, no matter how bleak, we create and sustain places in ourselves that we would not have needed to otherwise. If life were simple we would all be totally bored. It is the bad that compels us to strive towards the good and it is the good that makes the bad bareable.

I’m getting far too philosophical… time for coffee.

You’re sooooo much more susinct that I am! 😆

Iv’e had a good right ? yet when i think about what mess im in, just makes me feel like shit. I Don;t want to be gay anymore !!!! The gay scene is so far from helpful yet i feel like its an oasis of comfort. and in the midst of all this im yearning for something greater to fullfil my emotional needs. now that ive crapped on and feel a lil better. im gonna make myself a cuppa

we can sometimes blame a lot on our sexual orientation and not look deeper…..because it is our sexual orientation that has caused us so much angst……so it hovers in the area of the brain where turmoil exists. When negative things happen or people treat us badly who are gay then we tend to attach the homosexuality to the human behaviour and come up with a label. Eg all gay men are selfish, egotistical bastards.

I know that for some time in my life…..when I first came out actually. My experience in the ‘scene’ sucked and my relationships were disastrous. I realise now that this was more about several thngs that were not actually about being gay.

1. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. eg bars, nightclubs, sex venues. I was very needy.

2. I had lots of stuff unresolved in me. this meant I’d allow others to treat me badly as I was lacking in self love and respect

3. Whether people are homosexual or heterosexual they are first or all human beings and therefore not all of them are nice people.

Today my experience of life is very different……amazingly fulfilling and rewarding actually. Its a journey shotgun.

today I genuinely love my community…..with all its faults and failings….sometimes i’m in the gay scene….but not of it. ….if you get my drift.

yep…..glad that we could help.

from what you’ve just said shotgun…….it might be more about what is happening in you than what others are doing to you.

I found it took years to first of all acknowledge that deep down inside I had a subconscious belief that I was a bad person and didn’t really deserve or was worthy of love. Hence all the wrong people came into my life to validate my belief.

when I sorted that out…….then it was amazing how my world changed. The wrong people moved out of my life and only wonderful people now seem to come into my world.

the internal shift brought about and external transformation.

hope this isn’t too heavy.