Young guy just trying to find out who he is

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Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
October 15, 2010, 22:19

Wow!! Great answers so far.

I also believe that to love and have love in our hearts, means we are of God/spirit. So how can God, who is love, reject his own nature/spirit in us? That would make no sense. You can’t have love turning upon itself because then it wouldn’t be love anymore.

Love is inclusive and full of encouragement. As well as that, God satisfies the desires of our hearts so when we thirst after him, he draws close to us. How could God deny someone who truly seeks after him? It’s not the God I know from scripture or experience.

And frankly, I couldn’t believe in a God that wasn’t like the above.

Hope that helps.


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 16, 2010, 21:20

good you used the brains trust….hehe.

shame Brad isn’t feeling comfortable posting here…..he certainly would not be judged or criticised in any way…..its safe here… you know Shan. BTW……I shared your story in Perth this week.

I think the answer to Brad is about educating himself. It is very common though for some time for some of us to have niggling doubts…..what if….I am being decieved…..what if ….I am just trying to justify myself.

the more you read about the few bible verses……..and the scientific research though the doubts are replaced with sound knowledge and reason. that can take some time though……..we’ve spent years living with misinformation.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
October 17, 2010, 09:48

Hi avb

Yeah that “brains trust” reference of Shan’s is very cute. I never thought of us like that although there is quite a bit of wisdom here. Thanks Shan. You’re sweet and funny. 😀

Great points, avb. You made me recall the times when I too wondered if I was kidding myself to fit with my newfound life. But gradually as I actively informed myself and kept being open to learn, I realised just how misinformed I’d been.

To a degree none of us can be completely certain about anything since we’re not God. However I’m as certain about my salvation and God’s acceptance of me as I can be about anything. It did take a while to reach this point though.

It would be great to know what Brad’s responses are to the above comments, either directly from him or via you, Shan.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2010
November 3, 2010, 13:59

I really think i should have posted this myself lol. Thanks tho for the Help Shan, but these responses, while appreciated are somewhat disappointing. That question was taken out of context which i now realize was necessary for the answers i wanted.

I know God loves me whether im gay or bi or whatever. i have done a lot of reading and research in the bible about it and outside of the bible as well. I know he will love me no matter what and will always be there for me, and that he made me this way. So what i really meant by that question was the sexual part of it. I have had many gay Christians tell me that being gay and loving someone of the same sex wasnt wrong or a sin, but engaging in a sexual relationship with another person of the same sex (even if it was a monogamous relationship) is the sin. So they dont believe that gay people should ever get married and should live single, sexless lives devoted to God. Which i personally and strongly disagree with. But sometimes my mind wonders “what if they are right?”

I literally go back and forth daily on my self acceptance. One day i feel that God loves me this way and wants me to be this way, and other days i feel like this is a trial God put in my life to test me to see if i would overcome it or fail and fall to my desires.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
November 3, 2010, 19:44

Hi Brad

Great to hear from you again. 🙂

Yeah I got that you were worrying about the sexual part when Shan first posed the question on your behalf.

It’s a question that many of us have asked ourselves in the process of reconciling our sexuality and faith. The fact that you’re oscillating in your own beliefs around that is totally normal. The good news is that you won’t always be feeling like that.

My point about love in the earlier reply helped me be at peace with where I’m at with this subject today. I no longer have doubts about having a sexual relationship with a woman. I’m really confident I’m not condemned by God for this but rather embraced. Why? Because for me sex is a way of expressing love, the same love that comes from God. So how can God be against that?

As to whether this is helpful or not, I guess it depends a lot on how you view sex and love.

I also believe that celibacy is a gift only for a select few. Taking that on if you’re not called to it could cause other problems or lead you away from your true path.


Ann Maree

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
November 3, 2010, 19:51

God isn’t trying to trick you man. He’s not there waiting for you to fail.

I could be wrong about all sorts of things. I could do tonnes of stuff every day that is sin. But I can’t let that possibility immobilize me. I would never do anything.

It’s just impractical to live life scared of doing anything just in case it is a sin. You can only live your life according to what you believe, not what anyone else believes. Set aside some time to make up your mind on the matter and then trust yourself.

As I said earlier I can’t imagine God being disappointed with you for trying your hardest to learn the truth and then living according to what you believe is the truth. There is a lot of integrity in that.

It sounds like most of the people you are around disagree with you. It is hard to maintain a belief when you are alone. We tend to merge into the people around us.There is a name for it but I can’t remember what it is. It sounds like your having some anxiety because your beliefs are different to everyone else’s. I can definitely understand that (and have felt that). When I come out I may well feel the same way.

But sometimes integrity is just plain hard. And I guess this is the kicker – if you believe something (for a well thought through reason) and you let other people stop you from living according to it than surely it would be then that you sin.

Joined in 2010
November 3, 2010, 20:26

Hi Brad

I understand your difficulty. I have struggled with the same ideas. I suppose I am still struggling sometimes and am still in the process of learning how to be truthful about who I really am.

I often used to pray that God would change me and make me satisfied with being a celibate person and I believe that a loving perfect Being who had really wanted that would have been able to do it by grace.

I was not happy being celibate…I was tortured…I dont see how that was glorifying God. I hated myself when I failed my high standards and I began to hate the church too. I wasn’t able to think about anything except how much I was letting myself and everyone else down.

Then I began to pray that if I was unable to maintain celibacy that God would bring into my life someone that I was able to love fully, that if I couldnt find solace in being alone that he would bring the right person along. And it was not overnight but eventually He did! I was so surprised that God would actually do something like that for me.

I learned (and am still learning) what grace actually is and that God accepts us truly as we are…and began to trust that God had provided me a partner that I now allow myself to love on all levels.

I do worry sometimes that I am going beyond the reach of God…because of all the things I have ingested over the years…I pray through it, read up on it, do more searching…but am eventually reminded that there is really no such thing as going beyond God. He is God and knows us inside and out anyway!

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