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23 Indonesian guy, Pentecostal, confused

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Noris
 
Joined in 2010
September 28, 2010, 03:08

Shalom Elohim to you all 🙂


I’m from Indonesia… I don’t know whether I’m gay or bi. I’m the eldest of 4 children. I’ve been in Pentecostal church since 2004. Before that I was from Protestant Church. My family now still in Protestant. I converted to Pentecostal Church in my city during a youth revival on that church, that change my life. The experience at that time was very unforgettable. I saw and experienced the power of God moving in me and change my life, delivered me from my addiction to masturbation.


When I was a child (Elementary age), some kin of me had treated me just like their girlfriend. One of them kissed me and let me masturbated his genital. But I realized that I enjoyed it. I grew up and addicted to masturbation. Till the revival came, the addiction had gone. I got strength and found that I didn’t do masturbation for months since 2004 to 2005. It was so amazing. But I realized “the attraction for the same sex was still in me”. But I had strength to reject. I was baptized in The Holy Ghost. I was so on fire. I served God in intercessor ministry. A pastor had ever prophesied that I will be a worker in a vineyard of God if I keep my heart clean.


In November 2006, I knew a gay guy. He was a son of a pastor from a Pentecostal church. I felt in love with him and had sex with him. At the time I fell no strength to reject him. After him I knew a man , a man again, a man again, then I was addicted to gay free sex, and pornography. Go to exorcism ministry but I do it again. I had ever have a girlfriend but no sex with her, she enjoyed the relationship with me, but the relationship lasted just for few months.


I’m still in Pentecostal Church now, but I have stopped the service activity that usually i did.. No suspension from the church (They don’t know me well actually).. I just stopped myself to serve God on altar as singer and intercessor.. They (my leaders) knew I had stopped my gayness.. But honestly, I did it again and again… pray for the forgiveness but then fall again… again and again… But the truth I know that God loves me whatever I am.. he has a huge plans for me.


I have seen in the churches everywhere, there are no compromise zone for gayness.. Sometimes they blame this and this. Sometimes they classify homosexuality on the top of sin classification.


But I believe God will use me to bless other gay-men to be saved in Him.. And to open Christians’ eyes about gayness and our belief in Jesus Christ..


Thank you for letting me to share this.


God bless you.

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
September 28, 2010, 08:45

Hi Noris


Welcome to f2b! Fortunately, churches are changing here in Australia. They are realising that being gay/bi is not the big evil thing they thought it was. People in the LGBT community are starting to be accepted and affirmed in churches and they are not expected to change from gay to straight or to live celibate lives. We still have a way to go but at least things are improving at last, albeit slowly.


I pray these positive changes will spread to churches in your area of Indonesia.


Thanks for sharing. 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree



IanJ
 
Joined in 2009
September 28, 2010, 14:56

Noris,

Bless you! and thank you for posting your story here. I hope you will find answers on this site- and find peace. God lvoes you- God is crazy about you. And God doesn’t want you to feel bad about yourself. You haven’t failed- you haven’t fallen. You are just coming to understand the person you were created to be.

Ian

Noris
 
Joined in 2010
September 28, 2010, 19:10

Hi Ann 🙂


Thank you for your support and prayer. I do agree with your statement: “We still have a way to go but at least things are improving at last, albeit slowly.” But what do you think, what should I do? Live the homosexuality life although I’m Christian or stop the homosexuality life as I did when I was on fire although my sex orientation still the same?


Thank you for answering and helping me! 0:)


God bless,


Noris

Noris
 
Joined in 2010
September 28, 2010, 19:13

Hi Ian 🙂


Thank you for welcoming and supporting me! Yes I do believe that I will find the answer, and open my mind about the truth itself. Once again thank you very much 🙂 .


God loves you and me.


He blesses us!


Noris

Nick
 
Joined in 2007
September 29, 2010, 09:47

Hi Norris,


Welcome to F2B. I’m glad you have found us and hopefully you will get encouragement in this forum.


Saya juga dari Indonesia tapi tinggal di Sydney. Kamu tinggal dimana?


Ok back to English. I just want to say that you are loved by God and he stil has a plan for you.

I dont have any advice with what you should or shouldnt do, but I want to encourage you to continue in your relationship with God. It is worth having and worth keeping. You can figure out the other things as you go along.

I think its wise you dont tell the church of your struggles because they will pressure you into things that think is right but are very ignorant at. It will give your more grief in the future.


Take care

Nick

Noris
 
Joined in 2010
September 29, 2010, 22:23

🙂 Hi Nick


Thanks a lot. I do agree with your suggestion. Thanks for that. Saya di Ambon.


God bless you


Norris

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
September 30, 2010, 09:03

Hi Noris


I can’t tell you whether to be actively gay or celibate. That’s really a very personal choice. And the “homosexual life” will mean one thing to you and another to someone else. It would be good to think what that does mean for you. All you can do is live your own best life whatever that is for you. (I know it’s a vague answer but your question needs lots of inner searching rather than an easy response).


Being more and more fully ourselves as we were made to be. I think that’s the call and challenge for all our lives 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree

RaulG
 
Joined in 2010
September 30, 2010, 23:37

Saludos Querido Noris,


A wise friend of mine once said:


“Being the person God made you to be, honors your Maker deeper than any hymn. Hiding who you are out of shame does naught but insult the gift your Creator has given you.”


Keep your head up!


Yours in Christ,


Raul

Noris
 
Joined in 2010
October 1, 2010, 00:31

Hi Ann.. 🙂


Yes, you’re right. To be actively gay or not it’s just our own decision. I understand your point. I just was in a situation like a dilemma, live the truth of God (means stop gay lifestyle) or compromise with my gayness desires inside. I have ever had a chat with an ex-youth pastor from UK, he told me that he had been living in a sex freedom that it is the gift God given to us. So we could explore what we want from sex itself. He had some sex group, he made some sex party, etc. That’s the truth according to him. It’s nice to talk with him, but I couldn’t accept the way he thought (also some friends that agree to him). I had ever done like he had, but for me it’s still the thing that I must not do.


So, according to me the best way is just be myself (with the sex orientation inside), but make it accord to the truth of God. Look to God who never failed.


Thanks for the blessing you share Ann


Yours in God


Norris
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