23 Indonesian guy, Pentecostal, confused

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Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 1, 2010, 17:47

hi Norris……nice to have you here with us. I think you are our first poster from Indonesian. We have had others from other parts of Asia. I have a real heart to make a difference there knowing that there are additional difficulties to deal with in the culture and family expectations. It is stronger there than in Australia as Ann Maree has mentioned.

I can share with you that my journey has been very similar to yours in many ways. I tried so many times to do the right thing then had another spiritual experience and thought at last I am free……but of course I wasn’t. I hoped and prayed God would make me straight……but of course he didn’t.

What happened for me was that when I came out and accepted myself fully then the sexual addiction that had developed died overnight…….that was nearly 20 years ago now. From the many emails I’ve received tell me this is not an uncommon experience. It seems that when we see our gay self as bad then it can create bad things and fragments us into two people. One is the outward christian self which does all the right things…..they other is the gay self (real self)…..which we see as evil…….we then do things that make this true for us.

loving who we are……sexual orientation as well……..makes us healthy emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.

I agree with Nick…….its not safe to share your secrets with church leaders who are ignorant about sexual orientation.

Joined in 2010
October 5, 2010, 12:50

Hi Mr. Avennbrown 🙂

It’s nice to receive the response from you. That’s nice also hear that I’m the first poster from Indonesia. Thank you for suggesting me this site (You suggested me when I share my story to you on facebook). I got many benefit and support.

Yes, culture and family expectations here are stronger than in Australia. It’s hard for us, when people know that we’re gay.

When the revival came or I experienced some spiritual experiences (same with you) I expected that I would be straight. I was free from sex addiction but my sex orientation wasn’t.

Now It’s different, I can accept who I am. But I was just confused whether I could follow God and have sex with men or follow God and say no to sex.


Blessings! 0:)

Joined in 2008
October 5, 2010, 21:02

Hi Noris,

Welcome to the forum. If I could also share from my experience it may help you get some clarity around what you may be experiencing. Often when guys discover they are gay there is a lot of pressure to conform to the so-called but false gay lifestyle. This pressure is enforced by images in the media that stereotype gay males. When I accepted I was gay I had these media images and religious portrayals that said this is how gay men will live. As a christian it wasn’t very encouraging to say the least.

The journey is to unlearn all those untrue sterotypes and begin a path that will help you find your true identity. Have you read Anthony’s autobiography?

I can also highly recommend The Way Out: The Gay Man’s Guide to Freedom No Matter if You’re in Denial, Closeted, Half In, Half Out, Just Out or Been Around the Block by Christopher Lee Nutter that has also helped me to understand my true self.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 6, 2010, 11:52

I haven’t read that one Pierre…..may I borrow it please.

Joined in 2008
October 6, 2010, 21:00

I haven’t read that one Pierre…..may I borrow it please.

Yep, no worries.

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