Hi all,

Born in 1981 to Scottish parents in Newcastle, making me a first generation Australian.

Had my first crush on another boy when I was 11. He was 10. He turned out straight, I didn’t. Even though I had a crush on him, I wasn’t the slightest bit bothered by it. Actually, I never really have had a struggle with being gay. Its just been me. Of course, I’m not out to everyone, just my parents and closest friends. Here is how I came out to my friends(nice segue, no?):

June 6, 1999. My friend, Stephen and I are jokingly telling each other that we’re bisexual. Deep inside me, I’m desperate to confirm it to someone, anyone. So I make the leap. I say to him, “I’m serious”. He stops dead in his tracks. We’re in a double period of Maths, and the teacher starts the lesson. I decide to write my feelings down and give him what I write.

I tell him that I’ve always been attracted to guys, as well as a couple of the girls in our year. I name for him some of the people I have a crush on, and I ask him to keep it to himself. Oddly enough, I feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.

Four days later, my best friend Ben and I are leaving our last peoriod of Computing Studies. Ben is distant, a little bit angry and avoiding eye contact. Ben is one of the most religious people I know. I’m terrified of the thought of losing his friendship.

He asks me, “Did you write a letter to Stephen telling him you’re bi?” I’m starting to panic, not sure how to respond.

“Yeah, I did.”

He looks troubled for a few minutes. I walk beside him, still not sure what to say.

“Why did you tell Stephen first?”

I turn to him, stunned. “I didn’t think I’d be able to tell you and still be your friend.”

“You know, Stephen’s told a lot of people.”

Disappointed, but not surprised is how I feel right now. “I thought he would. I had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to keep it to himself. I don’t care though. I guess part of it is I told him so that I wouldn’t have to come out myself.” Its cowardly, but its how scared I was.

November 15, 2007. I’m now working for a Ford dealerhip. The desperation to come out to my work colleagues is there, this time to say I’m gay rather than Bi, and it makes me think of coming out at school again. A new reason occurs to me. Stephen not being able to keep his mouth shut and telling everyone, I could deal with. If I had asked Ben to keep it to himself and he’d gone and blabbed, I’d have been completely crushed.

Ben and I are still friends.

Hi Magsdee,

I’m intending to attend some of the Freedom 2 B(e) meetings, to meet some people and make some friends. I’m interested in attending the under 30s group, too. I’m disappointed that most things from ACON are for 25 and under, and its almost like once you turn 26, the water supply is cut off….

I feel a very strong need to come out to other people because I’m tired of not being completely me. I know that when I do come out, I wont change how I behave with anyone, so whats the point of coming out? It feels like living half a life the way it is now. I got the impression from Anthony’s book that he kind of felt the same…

I’m not out to my brother or sister. I dont see my brother being too much of an issue, but I don’t know how my sister and her husband will react. I am terrified of them not letting me be involved in the lives of my nieces and nephews (though only a niece so far). I think I’ll need to work up the support base a bit for that first though.

To answer the question you asked me, I have gay friends, but they all live so far away the only contact I have with them is online. I want to change that desperately. I’m tired of being lonely all the time. I don’t want to be 50 and totally alone. I don’t want to be a bitter old queen who rues the missed opportunities in life.

I am looking forward to making friends here and hopefully some of them will be offline friends too.

Hi Anthony,

Sadly, I wont be able to attend this Friday. I’m the Cameron who has been e-mailing you the last few days about your audio book and the group and for the next coupld of weeks at least I’m committed to travelling to Newcastle on Fridays so that I can umpire cricket on the weekend. After that, I’ll be taking a few weeks away from that and may come to a meeting or two then to see how it all is. 🙂

Hey Cam, it would be awesome for you to make an F2b meeting, everyone is so nice D

I completely understand what you mean about finally releasing who you really are openly, in the reason for coming out. Boy is it a relief when you do.

When I told my family, the reaction was questions and more questions with some, disapointment with others but no rejection. Now, they dont blink an eye and see that Im still me and that they dont need to understand, I get funny looks at times but I can deal with that, my g/f gets treated with respect when she is with me and what they think behind my back, I dont care, they never had a problem with me playing with the kids which was great.

I think when people stop looking at or picturing the sexual act of same sex orientation and start looking at the person and personality, maybe then people wont be so hard about it all. It will be great when you can chat in person with a few of the guys from here.

you should do a first hand report.