26, male, straight yet girly, but not quite trans

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Joined in 2014
July 17, 2014, 00:46

Hi everyone,

I recently met and was introduced to freedom2b by the adorably lovely miss.muppet, and I love that a group like this exists. Strictly speaking, I don't quite fall under the LGBTIQ umbrella, but I do have a relatable story that I'm happy to share with you lovely people.

Where to start, though? I'll try and keep this brief and concise, so I'll leave out a lot of details for now. The last few years for me have been about finding where I fit in the world, as well as resolving the dichotomies of my personality. I've done well to find a balance between my love of sports and of nerdiness, living and feeling like a guy but loving fashion and femininity, building up my toughness as a a man while still having the God-given tenderness and sensitivity of a woman, and my use of logic and reasoning in conjunction with being very spiritually aware. The good news is that I am happy with the balance that I've found (and am still working on), and it's absolutely possible for everyone to find their own internal harmony! After so long, I'm only now starting to understand and accept my feminine side as being a part of me as a whole, which has given me great stride on my long pursuit of happiness.

I had passing interests in fashion and playing dressup in high school, basically "being one of the girls", but it fought with my male adolescence and sexual maturity, so I had no idea how to handle it or what it all meant. I understand now — many years later — that I absolutely adore the softness and sweetness of femininity, and the loveliness of a sisterly friendship is something that I'd love to have had. Even now, I would love to have sisterly friends with whom on occasion I can kiss and cuddle, say "I love your dress!", and have some quality "girl time" without it being at all taboo or unmanly. I'd love to have trusted friends with whom I can feel vulnerable, to laugh and cry, to be cute and cuddly, soft and sweet and just a little bit girly. Finding an online group like this, and a similar fellowship group in Melbourne, is exactly what I need. I love that I can be in an environment where I don't have to "hide" either my faith or femininity, and where I can be more expressive and loving with accepting people who have a somewhat similar story.

I do daily feel the prangs of loneliness, though, and it took me a long and painful season to realise that that has ultimately been the root cause of my struggles over the years. As I went to university and all my interests became more and more aberrant to popular culture, I slowly became more and more isolated. The world became increasingly foreign by the day, until I found myself in a very desolate place without feeling emotionally close to anyone. I've moved on from a lot of friends (without any animosity, which is good), and I no longer have a church that I can call home (again, no bad backstory, it's just the season I'm in), but sometimes there are signs that things will improve, and finding groups like this and meeting some beautiful people have been really encouraging. I've been blessed to be a blessing, and I get the sense that people will come into my life and be a real blessing to me just as much as I intend to be to them, and I'm excitedly looking forward to that. 🙂

Bless you all,

-T xoxo

PS: When I first started researching and interacting online about sexuality, I spontaneously signed up to a trans* forum with the name 'Tammy', only because everyone went by their feminine names. I easily understand that, and can easily sympathise with trans people whose gender and sex differ, but that isn't the case with me, and I personally don't feel the need to use a feminine name. I'm now in the process of 'defeminising' my online presence. Tammy was really just a screen-name, anyway — I'm happy as a straight guy who, as well as having several stereotypically male interests, also happens to love femininity and female fashion, while being sensitive and stereotypically a bit girly. Tamid, or taw-meed, is Hebrew for 'always', 'continual', 'eternal', etc, which sounds a bit like 'Tammy' and feels appropriate, so is the name that I might stick with for now.

Joined in 2011
July 17, 2014, 11:04

🙂 Welcome my friend! I'm so glad that we've met. Your courage & story of your journey so far is an inspiration to me. And I'm sure to so many more. xo

Joined in 2014
July 17, 2014, 14:10

Dear Tamid,

welcome and thank you for sharing i could relate to some of what you had written ,i enjoy craft i enjoy doing counted cross stitch as i find it very relaxing rewarding and also many facets that you find in fashion i hope you find your place, like many of us we are all working out where we are in this journey, you are among friends.If i could say one thing to you is do not give up .

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
July 17, 2014, 15:39

Hi Tamid. Welcome and glad you found us! 🙂

I find the whole concept of masculine and feminine to be an interesting topic to think about, especially on a deeper, more psychological level. I believe there are no hard and fast rules and we all have a blend of masculine and feminine within us no matter how our sexuality is expressed. I often wonder about the definitions of these and believe we have often accepted definitions that are a fair bit cultural and societal without questioning them. When I think about what makes me a woman (apart from the obvious physical womanly bits), I come back to myself as a person and the qualities, foibles/vulnerabilities, interests and strengths I possess, and a lot of these could be either feminine or masculine. So that makes me conclude I am just me, which goes beyond my gender and there are great things about both feminine and masculine.

I would be interested in yours and others' thoughts on this


Ann Maree

Joined in 2014
July 18, 2014, 17:25

Lovely to meet you Tamid.

Yes, since my daughter came out, I've thought more about various related issues.

I think women have it easier than men – we can wear dresses or trousers and no one cares. Not really for men, unless it's a kilt, in our culture, and even then only in specific circumstances.

I often feel I have more in common with men when it comes to conversation (although not sport, cars and girls!).

I'm really not interested in stereotypically girly topics of clothes, shopping and babies for more than 5 minutes at a time.

Is it nature or nurture? A bit of both, I guess.

Joined in 2014
December 28, 2014, 17:01

I love girly shoes and clothes!:) I'm in Ballarat

Joined in 2014
December 28, 2014, 19:24

For what it's worth you sound like the perfect guy. I'm bisexual and I'm rarely attracted to masculine men. And even when I find myself attracted to kinda masculine men they always have feminine traits. I hope hard core that if I ever end up with a guy it's a guy who is into feminine things, appreciates the pretty things and beauty and is sensitive and empathetic. And I was just thinking last night 'but where the heck does one find one of those? All the guys I know of are overly masculinised jerks I can't even picture the kind of guy I'd want!' Thanks for showing me they do exist, lol.

#Edit# Just to prove the point, I am female.

Joined in 2014
December 29, 2014, 10:09

Thanks, its amazing to know that people out there have a heart and compassion, I wound't say I'm attracted to guys or girls, its just that meeting selfish girls who are nasty and cheat has got my mind on to gay guys cos they are caring and sweet…. but then now all I find is guys who was to have disgusting sex. And I want to to wear cute clothes, be appreciated and fall for someone who appreciates human life..

Joined in 2014
January 25, 2015, 19:24

Hi everyone. I was pleasantly surprised to see this thread being bumped in the latest F2B newsletter. Thanks for all the responses. I had read them all at the time, though I'm probably in a place to answer them now. This post took me days, and it's still pretty erratic, but I tried not to ramble on.


awwwww, that's such a lovely thing to say. Thank you. I often feel like there can't be too many guys like me, but we do exist apparently. I too have noticed far too much overmasculinity and machoism in our culture, and I think that society has really got it wrong over the decades gone by. I'm happy with my own level of masculinity, but I despise situations where showing emotion, not being a jerk to or about women, or even just being kind is indicative of a lack of manliness. The truth is that it's a lack of humanity, not manliness or masculinity. I can understand that being into feminine things might not add to masculinity, but I don't feel less of a man for my feminine interests, and attributes like sensitivity, empathy, and appreciation of beauty are just basic human traits that everyone should strive for — man, woman, or anyone in between. Biblically, we're ALL called to be tender and compassionate (Col 3:12, 1 Pet 3:8), but the world has classified them as feminine traits. Jesus said "blessed are the meek" (regardless of gender), and my aim is to be meek and gentle man with a strong heart, without being weak or timid. With God's guidance, I'm working on my character to find my role in the world as a man, then later as a boyfriend, fiance, husband, and father.


There are definitely men and women out there with hearts of compassion. Personally, I've met a few incredible God-fearing women, and I remain faithful that if I keep seeking the Kingdom first, God will be my perfect matchmaker when His time is right. I just need to rediscover a passion for life in the meantime.

I adore the sweetness and styles of women's fashion, and I would enjoy being a girlfriend and stylist to my female friends, if they were comfortable with it. I dress in male clothes all the time in my day to day life, and I'm fine with that, but I'm way more interested in cute skirts and dresses even just to browse. When I walk past shop windows, I'll often see something like a dress or a pair of high heels that I think are really pretty, and I wish I can just stop and look without drawing attention to myself or it feeling wrong because I'm not a woman.


Men and women have different roles (plus, different men have different roles from other men, and different women and different roles from other women), and I won't go and say that one has it easier over another. I've been caught up as a bystander in gender wars in recent months, and with so many worldly voices it only added to my confusion and frustration, to the point where God had to intervene and I reluctantly felt the need to take a step back. From what I've seen and experienced, I do think men perhaps have much more at stake in their manhood than women in their womanhood, but everyone's lives are unique, and I can't and won't say anything definitively or collectively. I'll say this about myself: I reckon there's a difference between feminine and womanly (also between masculine and manly). I certainly feel feminine at times, but I don't think I've ever felt womanly, in thoughts, actions, feelings, function, premonitions, instincts, or livelihood. I've never felt anything but a man, and maybe that's the difference between cis- and trans-gender in my own life.

Depending on the person, I don't mind either a stereotypical male or female conversation. If I feel comfortable enough in the conversation, I can talk about clothes, shopping, and babies for a lot longer than five minutes. In exactly the same way, however, I could talk about sport until the sun goes down. Not so much with cars, though. Re-reading my opening post, this sentence really sums it up, and is one I now use in introductions on other sites: "I understand now — many years later — that I absolutely adore the softness and sweetness of femininity, and the loveliness of a sisterly friendship is something that I'd love to have had. Even now, I would love to have sisterly friends with whom on occasion I can kiss and cuddle, say "I love your dress!", and have some quality "girl time" without it being at all taboo or unmanly. I'd love to have trusted friends with whom I can feel vulnerable, to laugh and cry, to be cute and cuddly, soft and sweet and just a little bit girly." I'm grateful that I can be real and honest with a couple of my male friends, and am able to open to some of my non-gender struggles, but I also have several male friends and family members who might be a little too hardened. Getting to know people in places like Freedom2B is a good thing for me, I feel.

Ann Maree:

I think you're spot on about having a "blend of masculine and feminine", though with the vast majority of people, that blend is very much one-sided. There's a psychometric test called the Bem Sex Role Inventory (BSRI), made in 1971, that is the most widely-accepted resource in psychology circles to characterise someone's personality as being masculine, feminine, androgynous, or undifferentiated (as much as a simple test can do. Always take it with a grain of salt). (I should add that "stereotypical masculine and feminine traits were found by surveying 100 Stanford undergraduate students on which traits they found to be socially desirable for each sex", which was narrowed down to 60 traits – 20 masculine, 20 feminine, and 20 androgynous – for the test, so it's very much based on gender stereotypes.) Each time I take it, though, I rank 80% on the scale of femininity, and upto 74% on the scale of androgyny. I have never got over 50% masculine, but for all the reasons mentioned in this post, it really doesn't bother me.


Thanks. I'm so emotionally exhausted and very world weary, but gender isn't even the main cause. Another post for another day, maybe.

Joined in 2014
January 26, 2015, 11:46

Thanks for coming back to us, Tamid.

Certainly feel free to post on other topics.

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