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27yo Gay Christian (Baptist), slowly coming out

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robert
 
Joined in 2008
July 22, 2008, 19:10

Well, I have been reading on and off here for a long time, and I know a lot of you already in person. But everyone is telling their story so i will give mine over too. or most of it anyway


Any Questions, I am pretty much an open book so ask away.


So… here goes…


I am 28, grew up in sydney, same Baptist church for my whole life, same christian family for my whole life too, AND, the same God for my whole life. I don’t know that anything bad such as sexual abuse or anything happened to me as a young guy, but to be honest I have heaps of blanks in my memory so cant really be sure…


I have known since as long as i can remember that I have been interested in guys over girls, experimenting with friends and neighbors, cousins other young guys at church even from the age of about 8yo.


Once I got to high school i pretty much suppressed all of that and started a big long spiral downhill into depression. Many thoughts and attempts to kill myself through high school, and this fear hanging over my head of being rejected by everyone and anyone i had anything to do with (although I probably in reality was barely ever rejected).


It wasn’t till about 3 years after finishing school and being in University that i started to explore my sexuality physically again (in other words meeting up with guys from where ever for sex), very unfulfilling. and further tearing me up about who I was.


I had Girlfriends since school, trying to convince myself i was different, and maybe a front to who i really am.


I got a Boyfriend, i was 24yo. I ended up telling my best friend a girl who was also in my bible study, one night after i one of my breakdowns in bible study. for quite a few months i never told anyone else about this and she got more and more upset at me that i was not seeking help and advise and trying to hide it from people.


I end up telling some more people, was told to break it off with my boyfriend. I was also during this time offered a position as the chaplain at Perisher Blue snow fields during the winter season. a position partially funded by the Baptist Union. My pastor told me that as a result of me “struggling” with being gay that he would be writing a letter to the Baptist Union telling them not accept me for the position if i decided to pursue it myself.


From there i have gradually turn away from church and pulled out of a variety of ministries with in that church, I guess i have been there 2 or 3 times over the last 12 months now. Its funny how quickly you drop off peoples radar. it took 6 months for someone from the church leadership to catch up with me. that only happened because they bumped into me.


I am a theologian of sorts, I cant just accept something because i am told it, I need to know for myself and see what God says and understand where it comes from. So i have read a lot about God’s thoughts on this through the bible and many commentaries with opinions for and against.


I could not find for myself the answers, I asked and pleaded with God for many many years “save me from this” and many forms of that cry.


I said to God in the end, I am going to start walking in a different direction, I decided to accept that i am gay and that if this is not what God wanted than he would shut doors and make it clear what my direction should be. This lifted so much weight off my shoulders. I have never felt the freedom that i feel now and i have more purpose and direction that ever before.


I know without any doubt, that God can change me to be straight, he is the all powerful God and can do miracles. but i he hasn’t changed me. I am Gay because that is who he created me to be.


Hmmm what next….



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 22, 2008, 23:37

Hey Rob……welcome to your forum…….its nice to hear your story. Obviously you are in the right place……this is FREEDOM 2 B[E]………who you were created to be. 😀 😀 😀


I reckon that with all the prayers we’d prayed….and all the tears we’ve cried that if God had an inkling at all to wave the magic wand and make us straight it would have happened.


BTW….I added Baptist to the headline of your story in case other former or existing Baptists come here looking for something to relate to……hope you dont mind.


hope to hear more from you.



robert
 
Joined in 2008
July 22, 2008, 23:39

I just noticed… I am not 28… LOL how confused am I



HillsBen
Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
July 23, 2008, 00:04

Rob,


Thank you for sharing your story here on the forums. It takes heaps of courage and strength to do that. 😀


I am encouraged by your openness and honesty and your passion for the truth. Not just accepting but learning and finding out for yourself.


I can very much relate to your experience on so many levels. I have also been on the verge of killing myself and it is a very dark time in our lives.


Once I got to high school i pretty much suppressed all of that and started a big long spiral downhill into depression. Many thoughts and attempts to kill myself through high school, and this fear hanging over my head of being rejected by everyone and anyone i had anything to do with (although I probably in reality was barely ever rejected).


I know that God saved you for his purposes and his plan for your life is greater than you could ever hope for. (Jeremiah 29:11). I can see so much within you that God will use to bring truth, hope, encouragement and justice to all men and women, particularly those within the GLBT community.


It breaks my heart to hear that you were not able to serve God as a chaplain because you were gay. I was told similar things when I wanted to go to bible college after high school so I understand you on this one. I just hope and pray that one day the church will change and realise the benefits that gay and lesbian Christians can bring to the church.


I, like you prayed for many years for God to ‘cure’ me. Years of crying out to him and falling on my knees, desperate for him and yet I still was not changed. I firmly believe that this is because God has created me as a gay man and I am more use to this world as a gay Christian male than I would’ve been as a heterosexual. I believe that God’s plans and dreams for your life are bigger than just what you can immediately see and hear. You are gay for a reason. Remember the bible says that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made”.


I want to encourage you, pray for you and stand alongside you in this journey. If I can ever help you in any way always let me know.


You are amazing and have already inspired more people than you could possibly imagine.


Have the best week Rob. Oh and welcome to the forums.


😀 😀 😀 😀



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 23, 2008, 00:20

I just noticed… I am not 28… LOL how confused am I


You can edit it yourself if want to……after all ….now that you are into truth telling…..you may as well go all the way 😆 😆 😆



robert
 
Joined in 2008
July 23, 2008, 00:27

ahuh… i see… i did not know that…



robert
 
Joined in 2008
July 23, 2008, 00:29

So… any questions? Anyone?


I feel like it might be missing stuff so am happy to fill in any missing bits



HillsBen
Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
July 23, 2008, 00:36

Q. Do you feel that your relationship with God has grown stronger since you arrived at your truth (coming out)? Yes/No? Why/Why not?



robert
 
Joined in 2008
July 23, 2008, 00:44

Yeah it most definitely has grown as a result…


I was very involved in church and ministries not just within my church but all over the place…


Struggling with any sin by yourself is very detrimental to your walk with God. But to be told that something that is so ingrained in who you are is also a sin, but not just a sin but that you are going cant stay gay and be a christian is so much worse… ALL you energy goes into changing who you are… and gradually you just keep taking energy from other areas of your life to try to change… and it eventually it sucks all your life away… and you either give up on life or give up trying to change…


Now… I truly understand the love that God has for me so much more than ever before… I think the deeper the hole God brings you out of… the more condemnation God takes away from you… the better you can understand the Grace of God… that in itself has meant my relationship is stronger… and hopefully I will be able to put time back into prayer and study of God’s word again as well…



iain
 
Joined in 2006
July 23, 2008, 09:31

Hey Rob

Haven’t seen you in ages!?

I have a question for you …what’s your reaction now to the pastor who didn’t allow you to work as a chaplain?

iain

🙂


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